rules....and more rules...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Jamieh, Jan 11, 2013.

  1. Jamieh

    Jamieh New Member

    I absolutely love my son but he comes up with all these rules and it drives me crazy. he freaked this morning because his brother gathered all the undies all out of the underwear drawer and was piling them up. He flipped because 'thats the underwear drawer....that's where they should stay.' And now he's all upset because I told him that if anyone knocks over the basket of laundry then they have to pick it up. He asked what if its an accident. I said it doesn't matter...whoever knocks it over picks it up. So now he's rattling off rules for accidents and non accidents and it looks like its not letting up anytime soon. He's home from preschool today because he's been running a fever on and off since yesterday morning but he has no other symptoms. I just hope this isn't a reflection of how the rest of the day is going to go.
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Kids on the spectrum are "rule bound", whether it's rules they've learned or rules they've "developed" to make sense of the world. When "rules" are broken, their anxiety grows because what they understand of the world has just been thrown out of kilter. The more you post, the more I see spectrumy stuff. Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) would include the sensory processing disorder (SPD) and ADHD symptoms as well. You really need to get him evaluated more thoroughly.
  3. InsaneCdn

    InsaneCdn Well-Known Member

    Kids on the spectrum are wired differently. They THINK different. The way they process information is different. And yes... they want ORDER. The only chaos they can handle is the chaos they create - and even then, only sometimes. (been there done that)

    The more structure and practical rules you can have for your home, the more you reduce his need to create his own. Not that it will completely stop... but it does help.

    FWIW... there is evidence now that ADHD and Aspie actually "meet in the middle" - that is, ADHD tendencies, issues and challenges are "related" to Aspergers and Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD), just not as "pervasive". A kid with extreme ADHD is closer to Aspie than to neurotypical. So either way... try some of the things that work for Aspie kids... they work with ADHD kids too.
  4. buddy

    buddy New Member

    I admit your posts make me smile some....not about the struggle part! I get that's hard!
    But the things you say trigger memories and the good news is that as ic said, there are great methods for working with this kind of a thinker. Embracing the need for order with planned/prepped practices to learn some flexibility works wonders. Rules are very black and white. So if accidents are not one's fault then it makes no sense to be "punished" lol. The concept of just doing it because it's kind and helpful goes beyond his rule base right now. Still good news though, because knowing he needs direct teaching about rules and manners means he will get to learn the skills with your support. He sounds bright and inquisitive so he will probably do well. For now help them both by putting pictures of which clothes go where and then the "rule" is clear to both. Is your son pretty visual? Adding little social stories that describe what happens when.... can be super useful. Look up social stories (will be on lots of Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) sites but works well for any child who needs direct teaching about subtle things other kids pick up just by being around models. )
    Id really suggest you look at parenting and helpful books about Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD) even if he is not because many of the challenges you face are relate-able to those of us who have or teach kids on the spectrum. The label doesn't matter, finding ways of supporting his learning and thinking style is what will help you feel more successful and empowered. Parents who have kids who respond to typical parenting methods just don't get it.