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Rules/Curfews for College-Age difficult children when at Home
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 545593" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px">WM, I'm sorry if I came across as unfeeling or harsh - not my intention. I posted before you had posted about some of your son's past behaviors...aside from his diagnosis, many of us had no idea that he also had some behavioral issues/past due to the diagnosis.</span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px">Also, take into consideration that many of us have been there done that...and that is where we are coming from...exhausted, tried and tired. When my difficult child graduated HS she wanted DESPERATELY to become a phlebotomist. I happily paid for her class, which was only 9 months long, because I was so grateful that she finally had an interest that could support her once she was out of the house. Oh, I envisioned her getting her own little apt and working at one of the many local hospitals or blood clinics. For the first two months, her papers received 90's and higher, she aced her tests, I was in awe....wow, had my difficult child finally turned a corner? Sadly, this was short lived as time progressed, it became apparent that my difficult child was skipping classes and wasted my money. At that point, I told her, "If you're not going to school, you must work. If you're not working, you must either go to school or move out - your choice. When and if you decide to return to school, you will have to finance it yourself." And that was that. She recently mentioned that she would like to go back to school. I'm happy about it, but have very low expectations that this plan will ever come to fruition - just because I know how she is. I love her dearly, I would give up my life for her in a nanosecond. But after years of being manipulated and fighting for her with the schools, etc., I gave up. You see, what is the point of ME fighting for HER best interests when she isn't living in her best interests? Do you see what I mean?? All your efforts could very well be wasted efforts because if your son is determined to live his life his way on his own terms, there is nothing you can do about it except perhaps pull all support, which is not a bad idea at a certain point. It's painful to watch them flounder, but it's necessary. My difficult child was definitely a difficult child. She is still impulsive and still drives me crazy at times, but she's matured, she can look back and realize the ways in which she screwed herself because she had to do it her way, had to learn the hard way. It's okay, some people, MOST people, have to learn things in their own time. </span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px"></span></span></p><p><span style="color: #008080"><span style="font-size: 10px">Hugs, honestly, I meant no offense!!!</span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 545593, member: 2211"] [COLOR=#008080][SIZE=2]WM, I'm sorry if I came across as unfeeling or harsh - not my intention. I posted before you had posted about some of your son's past behaviors...aside from his diagnosis, many of us had no idea that he also had some behavioral issues/past due to the diagnosis. Also, take into consideration that many of us have been there done that...and that is where we are coming from...exhausted, tried and tired. When my difficult child graduated HS she wanted DESPERATELY to become a phlebotomist. I happily paid for her class, which was only 9 months long, because I was so grateful that she finally had an interest that could support her once she was out of the house. Oh, I envisioned her getting her own little apt and working at one of the many local hospitals or blood clinics. For the first two months, her papers received 90's and higher, she aced her tests, I was in awe....wow, had my difficult child finally turned a corner? Sadly, this was short lived as time progressed, it became apparent that my difficult child was skipping classes and wasted my money. At that point, I told her, "If you're not going to school, you must work. If you're not working, you must either go to school or move out - your choice. When and if you decide to return to school, you will have to finance it yourself." And that was that. She recently mentioned that she would like to go back to school. I'm happy about it, but have very low expectations that this plan will ever come to fruition - just because I know how she is. I love her dearly, I would give up my life for her in a nanosecond. But after years of being manipulated and fighting for her with the schools, etc., I gave up. You see, what is the point of ME fighting for HER best interests when she isn't living in her best interests? Do you see what I mean?? All your efforts could very well be wasted efforts because if your son is determined to live his life his way on his own terms, there is nothing you can do about it except perhaps pull all support, which is not a bad idea at a certain point. It's painful to watch them flounder, but it's necessary. My difficult child was definitely a difficult child. She is still impulsive and still drives me crazy at times, but she's matured, she can look back and realize the ways in which she screwed herself because she had to do it her way, had to learn the hard way. It's okay, some people, MOST people, have to learn things in their own time. Hugs, honestly, I meant no offense!!![/SIZE][/COLOR] [/QUOTE]
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