runaway niece responded to email

[virginiabreeze]

I don't know what to make of this response from my niece to a family friend:

I'm doing really well actually! i'm just taking some personal space from my parents and the whirlwind of chaos that comes with them. I'm sorry my mom has been sending you emails and such, i know she's worried, with good cause, but I just sort of decided that I don't want the stability of my life to depend on whether or not my parents and I are okay. Because I'm not alright with losing everything I work for everytime something happens. I'm doing alot better now that I am away from them, however I do not keep in contact with them at all. My mother has been constantly emailing tons of my friends and friends parents. So I'm sure i've seen what she has to say many times. I don't trust her word at all, and most of the things she has said to other parents have turned out to be lies, so I'm not sure I really want to see what she has to say anymore. Thank you so much for respecting my privacy, I really do appreciate everything and hearing from you!

 

[buddy]

Well, she is alive and ????? I am so sorry. Must be terrifying to not know what is really going on. HUGS, Buddy

 

[virginiabreeze]

Yes, at least we know that she is alive. I have been unable to help my sister without getting her angry. I have been trying to find her a therapist, and have tried to encourage her to join a support group.

 

[buddy]

We are very close in my family too and my oldest niece is my God daughter, I would be devistated if this happened. It would be hard to have good "boundaries" for me anyway. We have worked on this in our family in the past, owning our own problems and being supportive but not solving eachother's problems. It is just sooo hard. especially in a situation like this where you worry about someone even being alive and well. I am sure there are folks here who have been in a similar situation with their kids so can advise much better than I since I have not had anything like this happen. I feel for you though, and am glad you are here to be able to share your worries. HUGS, Buddy

 

[DammitJanet]

Exactly how troubled is this troubled niece? There are levels. Obviously she has contact to the outside world because she has email. She appears happy in the email. She must be staying with someone she wants to be with for time being. Could she just be doing what we used to call "finding ourselves"? Lord only knows what that even meant other than getting together with a bunch of friends and partying...lol. I think most of us that went looking for ourselves eventually did find ourselves and even some of us, found ourselves in the office of the President! (That was to make you laugh)

Dont know...just thinking.

 

[ready2run]

sounds like me at that age. maybe her mom has honestly done something to break her trust. what she is saying sounds pretty reasonable to me, as long as she has herself in a safe place with good people. i left my parents home young. my mother has undiagnosed mental health issues, nothing serious but enough that having her in control of my life was making me crazy. the best thing i ever did for myself was move away from her. mind you now that i am 30 i am in contact with her daily, but she comes to me for advice now and doesn't try to force her way on me. i would let her know that if there is anything she needs that or if she is ever in a positon where she needs out that she can contact you.

 

[virginiabreeze]

I suspect that my niece is very troubled, although that doesn't come across in her email response. She has dropped out of school a month ago. My sister says that she has fallen in with a bad group of friends and is under their influence. My sister is desperate to get her help.

 

[JJJ]

IIRC your niece is still a minor. The family friend may want to gently point out to niece that anyone who is providing her a place to stay can be criminally charged and even once niece turns 18, they can still be charged for the time they harbored her when she was 17.

 

[virginiabreeze]

Can my sister file a lawsuit againts the family that is harboring her daughter? My sister has been over there with the police. The police told her that when they entered the apartment that there was drug paraphernalia in what looked to be the 'children's room'. The father of the family told the police that my niece was not living with them. The police however told my sister that her daughter has listed this family's address on her drivers license.

 

[buddy]

I dont understand how a 17 yr old isn't taken by the police if she is a runaway. They were close enough to see her? they see her DL has that address.... Is 17 a legal age to be alone? This is all new to me.

 

[virginiabreeze]

the niece wasn't there at the time, and the father lied to the police and told them she wasn't living there. My sister found an interventionist who charges $600 + expenses. He says he can track down her daughter and either transport her to a lockdown Residential Treatment Center (RTC) or bring her home. My sister thinks her daughter will run if they bring her back home.

I located a lpc (therapist) that lives in my sisters area who would be able to go to my sisters house and do therapy sessions with my niece if my sister can get her back home.

However, I'm not sure if my sister is 'healthy' enough to handle her daughter - she would have to monitor the niece 24/7 and basically try to keep her locked in the house.

 

[DammitJanet]

I think a lot depends on what the cops are willing to do. I am surprised that a teen has the gall, smarts, stupids, or balls or all of that rolled into one to change her address on her drivers license to the place she is crashing. How long has she been gone? I am assuming its not 6 months or more. I know adults who dont remember to change their addresses on their licenses for years!

It seems that most police depts wont search for 17 year old runaways anymore. I do find it sort of odd that a cop would tell you that they saw drugs in a room and they didnt do anything about it.

 

[virginiabreeze]

I agree - the stories don't add up. My sister said that the police did not have a search warrant at the time. The niece ran away for the first time last February. My sister was able to get her back for a few weeks. My niece ran away for the last time in May - and hasn't had any contact with my sister since then.

 

[virginiabreeze]

Has anyone ever had experience using an 'interventionist" to kidnap their own child? Is this an option she should consider?

 

[JJJ]

When does niece turn 18?

 

[virginiabreeze]

April 1oth

 

[JJJ]

April 1oth

Less than 6 months....your sister is not likely to find a lot of help from police/etc.

Can you send your sister here, to join our group???

 

[virginiabreeze]

I sent my sister the link to this website and told her there is a lot of information and support here. I will keep encouraging her to seek a support group online, in person, or both.


Good news, I found a lpc in my sisters area and asked them to contact her - and they have there 1st appointment tomorrow. I hope my sister is able to get some professional guidance, because this is way out of my league.

 

[DammitJanet]

This reminds me of Brandy. She got less than no help and she lived in NYC where the parents are required to take care of the kids till 21. I doubt you will get much luck if you live in a state where the age is 18.

 

[buddy]

I sent my sister the link to this website and told her there is a lot of information and support here. I will keep encouraging her to seek a support group online, in person, or both.


Good news, I found a lpc in my sisters area and asked them to contact her - and they have there 1st appointment tomorrow. I hope my sister is able to get some professional guidance, because this is way out of my league.

That's a start. You are right, it is way out of your league, nothing wrong with you or that...it just is a highly specialized field. You did a lovely thing for your sister.