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Sad mother, bipolar daughter
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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 701551" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p>You are very welcome TD, writing here helps me sort through my feelings, too, thank you for sharing your thoughts. You are right, it's never going to be perfect, life isn't perfect. That Norman Rockwell painting might embody perfection, but I am sure the folks sitting at that table had their fair share of challenges.</p><p><em>The different kind of better</em> you wrote of, yes, what a wise way to put it.</p><p>We learn eventually to stop<em><strong> focusing so much</strong></em> on what our d cs are doing, and in turn gauging our lives and how we live, on their chosen lifestyle and consequences.</p><p>It is simple, then yet so complicated, all tangled up in our love and devotion to our d cs.</p><p>D cs are quick to learn that we parents are our own worst enemies in this. Our love becomes a weapon they will wield against us time and again.</p><p>When that doesn't work, they will use our guilt. Guilt that maybe if we had done this or that, it would be different.</p><p>That winds us up into <em>entanglement, enmeshment, which looks and feels like love or a remedy, but isn't. </em></p><p>What a mess.</p><p>Building our toolbox and doing things to restrengthen ourselves helps move us towards the different kind of better. Our d cs will do what they do, choose what they choose and learn or not learn lessons meant for them. We have absolutely no control over adults.</p><p>Yes, they are our family, our children, but they are responsible for their actions.</p><p> Who knows? Who knows what goes on in another persons mind? (Especially our d cs?????) Your husband went there to show support. I am sorry for him that it was stressful, seeing her in that state. But, it also reminds me of the mind games my two would play, just to keep me involved. Not acknowledging someones presence is a from of shunning, very, very cunning and manipulative.</p><p>You know, it's like they are toddlers in big adult bodies, <em>they know how to get our attention. </em></p><p></p><p>Not a nothingburger (first time I have seen that one.......nothingburger, I like it).</p><p>Everything is a lesson. What we take away from it, that's what is important.</p><p>Day by day, we start to wake up and see all of this for what it is and make changes towards a different kind of better. Life is short. Real short. Too short to be walked upon, have our kindness taken advantage of, be emotionally drained, manipulated and abused.</p><p>My mantra this month is "Love says no."</p><p>No more.</p><p>Starting with myself, because that's the only person I have control of, me.</p><p>No, Leafy, do not go down that road again.</p><p>Breathe and keep working towards a different kind of better.</p><p>Keep up the good work TD, you are doing this.</p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 701551, member: 19522"] You are very welcome TD, writing here helps me sort through my feelings, too, thank you for sharing your thoughts. You are right, it's never going to be perfect, life isn't perfect. That Norman Rockwell painting might embody perfection, but I am sure the folks sitting at that table had their fair share of challenges. [I]The different kind of better[/I] you wrote of, yes, what a wise way to put it. We learn eventually to stop[I][B] focusing so much[/B][/I] on what our d cs are doing, and in turn gauging our lives and how we live, on their chosen lifestyle and consequences. It is simple, then yet so complicated, all tangled up in our love and devotion to our d cs. D cs are quick to learn that we parents are our own worst enemies in this. Our love becomes a weapon they will wield against us time and again. When that doesn't work, they will use our guilt. Guilt that maybe if we had done this or that, it would be different. That winds us up into [I]entanglement, enmeshment, which looks and feels like love or a remedy, but isn't. [/I] What a mess. Building our toolbox and doing things to restrengthen ourselves helps move us towards the different kind of better. Our d cs will do what they do, choose what they choose and learn or not learn lessons meant for them. We have absolutely no control over adults. Yes, they are our family, our children, but they are responsible for their actions. Who knows? Who knows what goes on in another persons mind? (Especially our d cs?????) Your husband went there to show support. I am sorry for him that it was stressful, seeing her in that state. But, it also reminds me of the mind games my two would play, just to keep me involved. Not acknowledging someones presence is a from of shunning, very, very cunning and manipulative. You know, it's like they are toddlers in big adult bodies, [I]they know how to get our attention. [/I] Not a nothingburger (first time I have seen that one.......nothingburger, I like it). Everything is a lesson. What we take away from it, that's what is important. Day by day, we start to wake up and see all of this for what it is and make changes towards a different kind of better. Life is short. Real short. Too short to be walked upon, have our kindness taken advantage of, be emotionally drained, manipulated and abused. My mantra this month is "Love says no." No more. Starting with myself, because that's the only person I have control of, me. No, Leafy, do not go down that road again. Breathe and keep working towards a different kind of better. Keep up the good work TD, you are doing this. (((HUGS))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
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