Same dirt different day

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by cindygirl, Mar 29, 2007.

  1. cindygirl

    cindygirl New Member

    Our difficult child has been diagnosed with a variety of issues since she was 3. She was thrown out of daycare for biting a staff member and hitting other children and we started down the endless road we continue to wander. We have had Family and Childrens services in and out of our lives for 10 years and they come in and "fix" the situation and rattle the sabre and then they disappear again. We have been on the roller coaster so long I forget what terra firma feels like. Like all the other parents we go through brief honeymoon periods where you have hope that something might actually be penetrating but then we are plunged down the next steep hill.

    Since October we seem to be caught in a nightmare we can't escape. The last day that she attended school regularly was Oct. 15. difficult child got into heavy drug use and started taking off and coming in at late hours. Then in November I discovered that she had stolen a wallet containing $350. When I confronted her she ran away from home. While she was gone for the 3 days we spent a lot of time on the phone to crisis lines and FCS and they all referred us to a provincial program called PCHAD (protecting children abusing drugs). We were completely oblivious to the fact that she was doing drugs because we had educated our daughter against the dangers of drug use. Naive us when I finally got to talking to her friends they all confirmed that she was heavily using. We are talking Cocaine, crack, pot, mushrooms, e, ect. We finally got her back and transported her to a safe house where she was kept locked up for 5 days. I contacted all the resources that they suggested and nothing worked. She came home just before Christmas and because she wanted presents she behaved somewhat. In January she started a day program at the alcohol and drugs prevention program and everything was fine while her dad was off work. The day he was starting back to work she managed to get herself thrown out. Blamed it on someone else but she got to restart in 2 weeks time. I had to take days off work to deal with all the issues and then the 3rd time she restarted the program I asked for a 2 month leave of absence.

    I have contacted every agency I can find to get some help and answers. There is a program for OD/CD but the cost is 35000 for a 4 month program and no agency is willing to pay for it. They offer to send in a worker to negotiate some boundries. This girl takes off for days at a time and we are supposed to negotiate. Now just when you think we at the worst of it, the day she got out of her 3rd time in PCHAD she ran away at 11:30 pm. I was right on her heels but I couldn't find her. I reported her missing (again) and then at 2:30 I get a phone call that she has been involved in a head on hit and run accident in a stolen vehicle. They aren't going to charge her as long as she agrees to testify. They also refuse to charge her with stealing 100 from me because I didn't actually see her take the money. Now in the last 2 weeks she has been arrested in 3 stolen vehicles, comes home with lots of new clothes, purses, jewellery and makeup (no job) and she has been charged with nothing. She is again coming home at all hours of the night and taking off the minute my back is turned. The police refuse to look for her when she runs away (she took off, she'll come back) but I finally get a call from an officer that he caught her smoking and gave her a ticket. When he ran her in the system she is listed as a run away. I hear her screaming at this officer and offer to come and get her. When I arrive she is still yelling and screaming and having a full blown melt down. The officer does nothing. I tell her to get in the van and when she refuses she just turns and runs away. So now she is gone again. Punishing us for who knows how many days. We just got her back on Sunday. She was missing for 5 days and she was telling everyone that she was thrown out of the house, she was pregnant and she just got out of jail. I only found her by going onto one of her chat sites and pretending to be someone else. I got her to tell me where she was and then I sent husband to find her. Meanwhile we wait for another referal program so we can get a current diagnosis of her mental health issue. In a few weeks we will be informed when we meet with the 5th psychiatrist. In the drug programs she tests as someone without a moral compass who has no sense of right or wrong. She watches the drug movies that would have a hardened law enforcement officer weeping and she is giggling. She is narcissistic and spends so much time focusing attention on herself noone else gets anytime. Just treat her for something, anything.

    Thanks for letting me blow off a little steam. I have spent the last 2 weeks on the phone and writing to everyone I can think of for help.
     
  2. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Hi I just wanted to add my welcome and let you know how sorry I am that you are struggling so much with your difficult child.

    I was a child with a pretty horrible background... granted my parents were adding to a lot of the issues... but I was pregnant at 13 and started heavily into drugs and drinking from that point on... I ended up having a miscarriage, alone.
    I spent most of my youth like that, I didn't learn from my mistakes, had to support myself... while I didn't really have anyone to help or guide me and my Father was adding to my problems, as I got older somehow the fog lifted... I realized I wasn't going to die young and I should live and what was the worse that would happen... I try?
    It was a funny thing, but it just happened inside me a feeling of wanting more out of life. I still have issues but I am able to live and noone would ever realize my past was what it was unless I told them!!!

    I don't know what your difficult child's future holds but I just wanted to let you know that sometimes we can rise above the cr@p and sometimes we do well.
    I do so worry about my g'sfg still they are both girls... who knows what the future holds for them all we can do is try to guide them and let them know we love them... That is all I can offer right now... sorry. and a big hug
     
  3. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Welcome Cindy,

    She definitely sounds unstable. The next time the police pick her up could you have them do a medical transport to the nearest ER? When is the last time she has been in a psychiatric hospital? In a lock-down facility they have a far better chance of drying her out and seeing what other issues are feeding her addition.
     
  4. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Hi Cindy,

    I'm so glad you are here so that you see you are not alone in your struggles with your daughter. I would have the same advise as JJJ - a psychiatric hospital. It would appear they could get her off everything in a secure enviornment where she can't run and then start at square one again.

    Lots of hugs to you,
    Sharon
     
  5. cindygirl

    cindygirl New Member

    We have tried every avenue. Nobody wants to take responsibility and unless police have a court order (and even then) they are not willing to do anything. psychiatric hospital only wants her if she is threatening to hurt herself or others. Alberta is really the wild west with everyone looking out for number 1.
     
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