same old behavior?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by catwoman, May 8, 2007.

  1. catwoman

    catwoman New Member

    <span style='font-family: Arial Black'> </span> As difficult child and I e-mail back and forth it becomes more and more apparent to me that not much has changed. At first his messages were full of interest in getting back in touch and questions about what's been going on. I was being cautious because he had said he was trying to save enough to leave DEX's house and I thought this could be more manipulationb. I mentioned that I was separated from his stepfather and I didn't hear from him again. After a week I sent him a message saying "hi, what's up?" His e-mail back was very brief, he bought a car and is having trouble getting insurance because of the DUI, and he's been very busy. Past experience tells me that once he knew I was on my own he realized I probably don't have much cash and won't be of any use to him. Or it's typical difficult child behavior where he's completely self-absorbed in what's going on with him and blaming everyone else for his problem getting insured. Or a combination of both. Who nows. I'm still glad to be hearing from him but it's much easier from a distance.
     
  2. hearthope

    hearthope New Member

    I would just be thankful that he has contacted you and from a distance you can know how he is.

    I never know what to expect from my difficult child, but my past experiences with him having any interest with me have been for his gain only


    You are wise to step back and analize, it is a shame we have to do that with our own children.

    You never know
     
  3. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    <div class="ubbcode-block"><div class="ubbcode-header">Quote:</div><div class="ubbcode-body"> Past experience tells me that once he knew I was on my own he realized I probably don't have much cash and won't be of any use to him. Or it's typical difficult child behavior where he's completely self-absorbed in what's going on with him...Or a combination of both.</div></div>

    Yep- sounds like my Rob. :hammer:

    I try to be grateful that he is alive and well and for any contact at all. Some days that's a challenge.

    Hugs,
    Suz
     
  4. KFld

    KFld New Member

    At least you have had contact and know he's alive. You are wise to be cautious. Now just go on with your life as you have been and appreciate the brief emails.
     
  5. jbrain

    jbrain Member

    Hi,
    I talked with my therapist yesterday about whether I should try to call my difficult child 1 whom I have not heard from in 2 weeks since husband and I cleaned out her abandoned apt. and I really chewed her out. My therapist said no. She said that any time I have contact with her it only leads to pain. She said difficult child 1 will contact me when she needs something or wants something from me. She said if I felt I must call her to go ahead but not to feel that I should call her after all she has put us through. So, for now I am not calling.
    Jane
     
  6. ScentofCedar

    ScentofCedar New Member

    I'm sorry, catwoman. (I always picture you as the Catwoman from
    Batman, you know! :))

    It's a devastation, to realize what the kids have come to.

    But it's better to know the truth, I think.

    We are too vulnerable to them, and they can hurt us too badly, unless we are brutally honest about our situations.

    Are you doing any volunteer work, catwoman?

    That helped me, during the worst of it.

    (Well, nothing helped me, during the worst of it ~ but at least it got me out of the house!!! :rofl:)

    Barbara
     
  7. catwoman

    catwoman New Member

    I'm happy he's alive and safe and if I hear from him occasionally that's fine. I honestly wasn't expecting much so this is not painful for me. I'm sorry he's still using and making stupid choices but it makes having minimal contact easy for now. Having no contact at all was almost unbearable sometimes.
     
  8. Jen

    Jen New Member

    I have learned after multiple dissapointments to not expect a thing, just take what is happening at face value.

    Jen
     
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