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<blockquote data-quote="Kalahou" data-source="post: 674604" data-attributes="member: 19617"><p>Welcome Sad in FL,</p><p></p><p>Thank you for your post. This forum is a safe place to have landed. You show great strength and understanding of the issues and principles involved in your situation. It a slow process to learn how to detach and set boundaries. You have been at it a long time. I am in my 60s and my husband is in the 70s and my difficult child son is 36. Some others on this site also have older children in the same type of situation as you. I have been on this site for less than 3 months, and only recently in this time realized the detachment from emotional fears to allow me to stop enabling my difficult child. Every day I learn more from some thread or post here, and strengthen my resolve, understanding, and detachment and wisdom. Each day I pick up a new bit of guidance here.</p><p></p><p>You already show that you understand the need and benefits of detachment from your son to keep your health and peace of mind for yourself and your husband and your home. There is a great article on this forum at this site about detachment that I read and re-read often to reinforce my resolve to stay strong. It is listed at the top of this site. Here's the link.</p><p><a href="http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/#axzz3tt5smuAa" target="_blank">http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/#axzz3tt5smuAa</a></p><p></p><p>More folks here will come along soon with wisdom, support, and encouragement. Even though we are all on similar paths at different places, different stages and ages and situations, there are common issues and common principles throughout. It is a hard road. It is such a relief to be able to pour it out (vent) to people that truly understand and who have been there, and are managing to take one day at a time. Visit here often and pour out your heart as you need to. Take time when you can to read other posts and threads on this site. You will quickly see that much is to be learned and gained from reading the other threads, even though they are not addressed specifically to your unique situation. I come here every day to get support, understanding, and wisdom and leave with a little bit / or much more relief, peace, and inner strength.</p><p></p><p>With your other children, grandchildren, and especially your teen age disabled son and older husband in the home, you cannot allow your difficult adult son back into your home to cause disruption and confusion. It will cause you to feel resentful for enabling him. It will not help him or fix him, and will not change him, and will end up making your own personal situations more painful and difficult. It will enable your son to continue in the same self-destructive path. You already understand that. You sound like most of us here - you're sick and tired of it all now. Your son’s girlfriend sounds done with it also and has decided smart action to take care of herself. It is not easy and it is sad, but the alternative to having your son be the emotional power over your life is not an option at all.</p><p></p><p>You said you will expect to get more calls toward the end of the month. Decide now and plan to limit your contact with son and with the girlfriend. Such contact is upsetting to you and has no benefit to either you or your son or the girlfriend. For a while anyway, you do not need to answer the phone or answer texts. You can let the calls go to voicemail, and do not call or text back. It is OK. You son is aware of the resources such as shelters, food kitchens etc. mental health facilities, if he decides to need and use them. It must be his own choice. He is very capable. He is an adult man. He knows the ropes. Think carefully about what your needs are for yourself, your husband and teen age boy. Your home needs to be your peaceful sanctuary to be safe from strife and to weather storms.</p><p></p><p>More will be along. We are glad you found this haven, although I am sorry for your situation that brought you here. Keep posting and visiting here. It helps so much. It's definitely a relief to know you are not alone and that others understand.</p><p></p><p>Take care. Kalahou</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kalahou, post: 674604, member: 19617"] Welcome Sad in FL, Thank you for your post. This forum is a safe place to have landed. You show great strength and understanding of the issues and principles involved in your situation. It a slow process to learn how to detach and set boundaries. You have been at it a long time. I am in my 60s and my husband is in the 70s and my difficult child son is 36. Some others on this site also have older children in the same type of situation as you. I have been on this site for less than 3 months, and only recently in this time realized the detachment from emotional fears to allow me to stop enabling my difficult child. Every day I learn more from some thread or post here, and strengthen my resolve, understanding, and detachment and wisdom. Each day I pick up a new bit of guidance here. You already show that you understand the need and benefits of detachment from your son to keep your health and peace of mind for yourself and your husband and your home. There is a great article on this forum at this site about detachment that I read and re-read often to reinforce my resolve to stay strong. It is listed at the top of this site. Here's the link. [URL]http://www.conductdisorders.com/community/threads/article-on-detachment.53639/#axzz3tt5smuAa[/URL] More folks here will come along soon with wisdom, support, and encouragement. Even though we are all on similar paths at different places, different stages and ages and situations, there are common issues and common principles throughout. It is a hard road. It is such a relief to be able to pour it out (vent) to people that truly understand and who have been there, and are managing to take one day at a time. Visit here often and pour out your heart as you need to. Take time when you can to read other posts and threads on this site. You will quickly see that much is to be learned and gained from reading the other threads, even though they are not addressed specifically to your unique situation. I come here every day to get support, understanding, and wisdom and leave with a little bit / or much more relief, peace, and inner strength. With your other children, grandchildren, and especially your teen age disabled son and older husband in the home, you cannot allow your difficult adult son back into your home to cause disruption and confusion. It will cause you to feel resentful for enabling him. It will not help him or fix him, and will not change him, and will end up making your own personal situations more painful and difficult. It will enable your son to continue in the same self-destructive path. You already understand that. You sound like most of us here - you're sick and tired of it all now. Your son’s girlfriend sounds done with it also and has decided smart action to take care of herself. It is not easy and it is sad, but the alternative to having your son be the emotional power over your life is not an option at all. You said you will expect to get more calls toward the end of the month. Decide now and plan to limit your contact with son and with the girlfriend. Such contact is upsetting to you and has no benefit to either you or your son or the girlfriend. For a while anyway, you do not need to answer the phone or answer texts. You can let the calls go to voicemail, and do not call or text back. It is OK. You son is aware of the resources such as shelters, food kitchens etc. mental health facilities, if he decides to need and use them. It must be his own choice. He is very capable. He is an adult man. He knows the ropes. Think carefully about what your needs are for yourself, your husband and teen age boy. Your home needs to be your peaceful sanctuary to be safe from strife and to weather storms. More will be along. We are glad you found this haven, although I am sorry for your situation that brought you here. Keep posting and visiting here. It helps so much. It's definitely a relief to know you are not alone and that others understand. Take care. Kalahou [/QUOTE]
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