God that was so difficult. He's in the ward where they hold you rather than arrest you. He had checked himself into the mental health unit, and told them he was going to kill himself if he left, and refused to stay. So, there is a 5 day hold. He thinks he will get out Monday, but the five days isn't up until Thursday. But if he tells them he won't kill himself, and the court liaison agrees, he'll go Monday. He has no affect. We talked about medications, He is on the lowest dosage of Prozac. We talked about him having had success with Celexa when he was 15. He says he doesn't feel any better, just a little fuzzy headed. We explained that it could be a month before therapeutic levels are reached (or not) and that while he may have side affects, it wouldn't be the same as TL's. I told him that he should ask his therapist to explain TL's to him, because my information might not be accurate or complete. He takes everything literally. He seemed upset when we explained that he might not see results from the Prozac right away, and he really wants out on Monday. He wants to know if we will get him to a doctor so that he can fix dosages and see results right away. We told him that we would be sure that he sees a doctor for a refill of the correct medications. I told M that I had been in a place like that under circumstances such as he was in and I understood what a horrible place it was and how much he wanted to be out of there. I told him that I thought that it was important for him to get the medication right and to have a plan before he got out, and that I knew it seemed like eternity but maybe a couple of extra days next week would be worth it if it kept him from being miserable again for years when he got out. He told me that he had lost himself. He told me that he had always had this idea of himself always being the smartest one in the room (grandiosity) and that he has begun to realize that he isn't the smartest one in the room and he doesn't know who he is and has no reason to be anything anymore. I told him that he probably is the smartest one in the room, but smart is only the ability to learn. If you don't learn anything, it doesn't matter how smart you are. But if you find something to learn about, you are using your smarts and then you can be the one that people learn from and respect. He told me that he didn't think he would ever find anything that he wants to learn. He told me that he didn't think that he could ever be happy, and that he could never remember being happy. I told him that I felt that way about life at his age, and that it didn't come to me until much later in my life. But I wouldn't give up that unhappiness if it meant that I never had the opportunity to be happy now. That if he threw it away at this point in his life when he feels he has always been unhappy he will have lived an unhappy life for nothing. I called L's dad today. He's an attorney. He said that it being the weekend meant that there's very little we can do at this point. We need to ask the hospital to keep him until at least Tuesday when we have had an opportunity to consult an attorney regarding guardianship. Lord I hope it doesn't come to that. I spoke with his nurse today. Social Workers don't work on the weekend. She's going to talk to Matt and try to get him to agree to stay for a few more days. She understands that he has nowhere to go and can't come here. The court liaison will be in today and she will try to convince him to not recommend that he be let go on Monday. I explained that we would look into guardianship on Monday if he is able to stay past Monday, but that if they let him go, we're not going to fight that battle. What a mess. And it's a beautiful sunny day... Lots and lots of crying.