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Saying goodbye to difficult child today
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 633415" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>As I have let my kids go, they have both found and learned to rely on their own strength, their own resources, instead of mine.</p><p></p><p>They finally became adults, Needz.</p><p></p><p>It was scary and sad and I felt the same way then that you feel, now.</p><p></p><p>I don't know why every single milestone with a difficult child child needs to be so hard. I have seen families where love and happiness abound, where children go off to college, graduate, see their parents frequently.</p><p></p><p>I know that happens.</p><p></p><p>I have seen it with my own eyes.</p><p></p><p>I feel a strange compilation of shame at what must surely be my own failure as a parent, pain and confusion over how those happy times could have come to this, and anger/love/anger/love RELIEF as I watch them drive away.</p><p></p><p>All I know is that nothing about raising a difficult child child is simple. Many of the loving, self-affirming rewards of parenting normal children never happen for parents of difficult child kids.</p><p></p><p>And yet.</p><p></p><p>There is a certain wild courage, a certain freedom in the way they see the world and themselves in it.</p><p></p><p>When we let them go, they develop strengths and talents and wings that would have gone forever undiscovered if we had not finally forced the (now adult) child's independence. </p><p></p><p>You are doing the right thing, Needz. You have tried the other ways, the usual ways of parenting, and they haven't helped.</p><p></p><p>difficult child kids need to be parented differently. </p><p></p><p>Love her, believe she will find her way, tell her you expect to hear from her often, and let her go. </p><p></p><p>It helps me to pray for my children (and myself). </p><p></p><p>It helps me to light a white candle for them. I envision its light reaching them somehow, lighting their path and showing them the way home.</p><p></p><p>At Christmas? </p><p></p><p>We put those little electric candles In every window.</p><p></p><p>:0)</p><p></p><p>It gets to be about surviving the pain and overcoming the sense of loss and wrongness, Needz.</p><p></p><p>You are doing the right thing for your daughter. </p><p></p><p>It is a hard, hurtful thing to parent a difficult child child.</p><p></p><p>We need to learn to love ourselves through all of it.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 633415, member: 17461"] As I have let my kids go, they have both found and learned to rely on their own strength, their own resources, instead of mine. They finally became adults, Needz. It was scary and sad and I felt the same way then that you feel, now. I don't know why every single milestone with a difficult child child needs to be so hard. I have seen families where love and happiness abound, where children go off to college, graduate, see their parents frequently. I know that happens. I have seen it with my own eyes. I feel a strange compilation of shame at what must surely be my own failure as a parent, pain and confusion over how those happy times could have come to this, and anger/love/anger/love RELIEF as I watch them drive away. All I know is that nothing about raising a difficult child child is simple. Many of the loving, self-affirming rewards of parenting normal children never happen for parents of difficult child kids. And yet. There is a certain wild courage, a certain freedom in the way they see the world and themselves in it. When we let them go, they develop strengths and talents and wings that would have gone forever undiscovered if we had not finally forced the (now adult) child's independence. You are doing the right thing, Needz. You have tried the other ways, the usual ways of parenting, and they haven't helped. difficult child kids need to be parented differently. Love her, believe she will find her way, tell her you expect to hear from her often, and let her go. It helps me to pray for my children (and myself). It helps me to light a white candle for them. I envision its light reaching them somehow, lighting their path and showing them the way home. At Christmas? We put those little electric candles In every window. :0) It gets to be about surviving the pain and overcoming the sense of loss and wrongness, Needz. You are doing the right thing for your daughter. It is a hard, hurtful thing to parent a difficult child child. We need to learn to love ourselves through all of it. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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