Saying Goodbye

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by Star*, Aug 3, 2008.

  1. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Dude stopped by tonight to tell me he loves me and goodbye. He goes back to probation tomorrow and will more than likely be put in jail because while he has been looking for a job - he hasn't found one. So he can't pay his probation.

    He has gone so many places in hopes of finding work but like he said - WHO wants to hire a 17 year old felon? He's told his PO that he has been honest on the applications. The PO told him to leave that question blank. I didn't think that was great advice - but, Dude said he answers it because it will save trouble later.

    I felt bad for him. He looks so mature with his moustache, beard and sideburns...yet is so childlike. He played with the favorite dog, hugged Pootie and told her he wasn't much better of a Father than his 'old man' to which we assured him she was well taken care of. He hugged my neck again and whispered I love you Momma in my ear, and hugged DF.

    He said he has tried - I said that's all that matters. I don't know how they can seriously lock him up when all the people in his life that are supposed to be assisting him aren't really doing THEIR job. It's frustrating. And the urge to slip him 1/2 the money was overwhelming. But I didn't. He said he thought in church this morning about saying an extra prayer - but then said looking up "WHY BOTHER IT"S ME WE"RE TALKIN' ABOUT."

    You know it makes me so angry - because even if he did everything or could do everything he is "supposed" to do - he is still looking at 15 years /trial/prison by November. I called his PD - she's a nit whit. She lied, she hasn't sent any forms out for his medical records, and basically said - she KNOWS this DA and isn't going to "buck" the system. What the heck does that mean? OH it means - you think your client is guilty or you are looking for a way /ride into the DA's office and aren't goign to do your job. THERE IS SO much proof he's innocent - but she has done NOTHING, NADA - and when I asked her - she said - OH I thought YOU were going to do this and that. THREE of us sat there and heard her say "Ok I'll get right on this and order this adn that and fax you this and that and we'll see what I can do." Yet when confronted? Nothing. Can you ask for another PD? She's a mouse.

    And yet - he keeps trying. And honestly even DF said "I think the kid is finally trying and everyone has given up on him." And he did return to mental health - they think there is a possibility that hehas anger issues (ya think?) maybe BiPolar (BP), they want to do some more tests and maybe - maybe put him on something to help with his mood swings. He stays mostly angry.

    If you have an extra prayer for this kid tonight, gosh we'd sure appreciate it. And don't usually ask for me, but sitting here angry, with those hot Mom tears - maybe I could use a little relief too. Yeah I could, this just hoovers. His birthday is in 2 jail again for my birthday too.

    Thanks if you made it this far. :angel3:
  2. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    Prayers for you and your son.
  3. everywoman

    everywoman Active Member

    Oh my starbie---I have been there done that too many times; I hate that you have to do it to. My difficult child searched forever for a job. It tooks over a year before he found someone who would give him a chance---and before he had the guts to look someone in the face and beg for a chance---(the new teeth gave him the courage)---and it hurt everytime he faced his passed while trying to move into his future. My heart breaks for you, and dude, and poor orphaned Pootie. Hugs, tissues, and big wide bandaids to cover that gaping whole in your heart.
  4. Andy

    Andy Active Member

    :crying::please:Adding my prayers for Dude.
  5. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Sending prayers and hugs for both of you.
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful


    You and Dude are always in my prayers. But I'll try to add and extra zing to it if it's possible.

    Tell Dude.......leave that question blank and let the chips fall later. My eldest brother is a felon. Not once has he filled out that blank. And he gets plenty of work. (once he got over the "nobody's gonna hire me" attitude) By the time it does come up....they discover he's a hard dependable worker and it's not an issue.

    I honestly think Dude is doing the best he can. And it blows major that the people who are supposed to be "helping" are dropping the ball on a kid who is finally getting it, or at least is trying hard to get it. grrrrr

    As for the PD.....I'd call around and ask if you can have another one assigned to him. Because if his case isn't handled properly you have grounds for an appeal. And aren't they supposed to not like that? Don't know who you could ask though. Maybe the clerk of courts would know?

  7. Lori4ever

    Lori4ever New Member

    I am so sorry to see you both go through this. It does sound as if he's trying, and it's not being acknowledged. You'll both be in my thoughts and prayers. I know how hard this is, and it's not right. The system really stinks.
  8. Estherfromjerusalem

    Estherfromjerusalem Well-Known Member

    Star, I just don't know what to say, since I don't understand the American system at all. I just want you to know that my heart goes out to your mother's heart, and I will say a prayer for Dude.

    Sending you a big strong hug,

    Love, Esther
  9. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Wish I didn't understand about the people not doing there jobs. I know all too well and it is our kids that suffer. Even when we know the mistakes they made it doesn't do them any good when the people who are supposed to be there to do the :jobs" for them don't do them. Makes me crazy, angry and many other things for dude and for you.

    Sending good thoughts that something will work out.

  10. Hopeless

    Hopeless ....Hopeful Now

    Star - I will say an extra special prayer for you and Dude.
  11. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Saying prayers for Dude......could never understand how the courts work on this one......although I do believe the last thing they want is to put another person in jail.....they just don't want more in there to feed, house, educate or provide health care for......if he does happen to go in......have him file for any medical care he may have been putting off......they will stall him off as long as they can, but it may mean they kick him from jail sooner if they are responsible for his "expensive" medical needs........
  12. janebrain

    janebrain New Member

    Hi Star,
    just sending love and hugs, wish I could do more, my heart is heavy for you--
  13. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    I am praying for compassion and wisdom from the judge and a huge amount of strength and comfort to come into your heart. I do think you are right to not slip Dude the money but I so understand the desire to want to, and I know you would if it would for sure "fix" things. I am rooting so hard for Dude and I image everyone here is because you have shared his heart with us.
  14. Genny

    Genny Worlds Best Nana

    Star, Dude has been in my prayers for the last 8+ years, and continues to be. Please tell him to keep doing the right thing - don't give up now.

    Personally, I'd look into getting him a new PD. Send an email to the Chief Public Defender in your county. Detail what his PD is supposed to be doing and isn't and the potential consequences to Dude.

    Sending hugs, love, and godd juju to you, DF and Dude -

  15. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    My soul weeps.

    The biggest prayers ever for Dude and his mom. Lighting a candle and holding you in my thoughts...
  16. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sending hugs and good thoughts. I think Dude can ask for a new PD. I think he can change 1 time.
  17. judi

    judi Active Member

    Prayers and positive thoughts Star.
  18. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Like Genny, I don't forget Dude. I don't remember him in my prayers every night but I surely include him frequently. My heart cares. DDD
  19. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    It's not often I go beyond tears in the eyes here but they flowed for you and Dude. I hope and pray there is some sort of a positive outcome. Why can't someone see that he has truly gotten the short end of the stick over and over. When he's supposed to have gotten help, he's gotten anything but. How is he supposed to know what to do and how to do it without that help????

    I'm so sorry.

    (((((STAR))))) ((((((((DUDE)))))))

    Candles are lit for both of you.
  20. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    I don't understand much about how we treat our kids. Not "us" the parents, but you know the system. Accountability, I understand. Trying, Yes... but the sheer fact that once a child like yours does anything wrong he is always wrong. Most of our kids are treated this way.
    I fear our system, I fear for our kids.
    I know Dude is strong as are you. Maybe he is lucky that he is seeing things so clearly. How can he ever be disappointed by the system? I hope he does not become too bitter, poor kid.

    You are wonderful on so many levels, DF also. Maybe all of your strength and love will get Dude through?

    Adding my prayers and love.