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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 603420" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I never heard of a site that gave info on people other than the bogus pay sites that claim to give you a criminal background check. I don't think you can get medical info, but I have a feeling he is trying to get sympathy so that you will dole out stuff to him. Maybe he was sicki; maybe not. These types of adult children love guilting us into giving them stuff. Maybe he's nice when you visit because he hopes you'll hand him some money on the way out. Do you normally bring him things? If so, try visiting him without any money or goodies and see if he's still nice. </p><p></p><p>I have a not-so-nice son who is very "nice" to me as long as I'm saying or doing what he wants, but he has no problem calling me a stupid b**** if I say the "wrong" thing. Fortunately we are so broke he never hits us for money, but he sure hits his dad for the bucks (we are divorced).</p><p></p><p>For ten years I barely heard from Son while he was married and things were good for him and his wife hated us. As soon as she predictably ran off with another man and is now fighting for custody of their son (he is using his father's money), I can't hear from him enough. See, I'm a little cynical that your son was sick because these types of adult children (and they DO stay children) tend to come back to Daddy and Mommy when they are sick or needy. If he is anything like my son he would have been there begging you to give him your full support while he went through his cancer treatment, only to dump you again when he was all better. I could be wrong. I'm thinking of my own son, I think.</p><p></p><p>At any rate, it's time for you to get help so that you can learn how to move on. It takes a long time, but it feels good. You can relapse, but you just go back for more help. We have to forget about the cute little baby we held in our arms (very hard at times) and remember the reality of what is now...today. You could try gaining access to Son's facebook, but what would be t he point? I've learned that I don't want to know everything and no longer even think about what may be on his FB. Right now, however, my son calls so often (and is often so crabby) that I know too much. I have learned to take one call a day unless he is abusive during the call. Then he has to wait for three days and he calls nonstop, but I put my lphone on silent and let him call without answering. I can't take too much of him.</p><p></p><p>I am going to Al-Anon. I can't prove it, but strong suspicion that he drinks too much and know he uses prescription Xanax, but WAY TOO MUCH OF IT! I'm not at Al-Anon for those issues though. I'm there to learn how to live one-day-at-a-time and to detach. I find it very helpful and the price is right.</p><p></p><p>Keep posting. We're on your side.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 603420, member: 1550"] I never heard of a site that gave info on people other than the bogus pay sites that claim to give you a criminal background check. I don't think you can get medical info, but I have a feeling he is trying to get sympathy so that you will dole out stuff to him. Maybe he was sicki; maybe not. These types of adult children love guilting us into giving them stuff. Maybe he's nice when you visit because he hopes you'll hand him some money on the way out. Do you normally bring him things? If so, try visiting him without any money or goodies and see if he's still nice. I have a not-so-nice son who is very "nice" to me as long as I'm saying or doing what he wants, but he has no problem calling me a stupid b**** if I say the "wrong" thing. Fortunately we are so broke he never hits us for money, but he sure hits his dad for the bucks (we are divorced). For ten years I barely heard from Son while he was married and things were good for him and his wife hated us. As soon as she predictably ran off with another man and is now fighting for custody of their son (he is using his father's money), I can't hear from him enough. See, I'm a little cynical that your son was sick because these types of adult children (and they DO stay children) tend to come back to Daddy and Mommy when they are sick or needy. If he is anything like my son he would have been there begging you to give him your full support while he went through his cancer treatment, only to dump you again when he was all better. I could be wrong. I'm thinking of my own son, I think. At any rate, it's time for you to get help so that you can learn how to move on. It takes a long time, but it feels good. You can relapse, but you just go back for more help. We have to forget about the cute little baby we held in our arms (very hard at times) and remember the reality of what is now...today. You could try gaining access to Son's facebook, but what would be t he point? I've learned that I don't want to know everything and no longer even think about what may be on his FB. Right now, however, my son calls so often (and is often so crabby) that I know too much. I have learned to take one call a day unless he is abusive during the call. Then he has to wait for three days and he calls nonstop, but I put my lphone on silent and let him call without answering. I can't take too much of him. I am going to Al-Anon. I can't prove it, but strong suspicion that he drinks too much and know he uses prescription Xanax, but WAY TOO MUCH OF IT! I'm not at Al-Anon for those issues though. I'm there to learn how to live one-day-at-a-time and to detach. I find it very helpful and the price is right. Keep posting. We're on your side. [/QUOTE]
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