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<blockquote data-quote="helpangel" data-source="post: 603754" data-attributes="member: 7170"><p>We as parents put all this time & effort into raising our kids to be independent adults; then when our efforts are successful and they leave the nest shouting over their shoulder "I don't need you anymore" it really hurts.</p><p></p><p>Angel lives under the same roof as me but because she told her case manager she didn't want me to participate in her treatment... by law her case manager can't talk to me, even to confirm appointments that Angel needs me to drive her to. She can't talk to me but she listens because she offers programs to Angel that I suggest, otherwise Angel would want her working on things she can't make happen (like braces for her teeth instead of employment skills, housing programs) I'm working on the detaching thing but it's still new to me so the others at this site can help you more then I can.</p><p></p><p>Medical information is confidential there is no legal way to get it without a signed release from your son. If curiosity is killing the cat so to speak you can often get useful information from your states correctional system online without cost. I periodically will check on that site to look up people who I like to keep track of by looking at when they were in jail, for what etc. To keep yourself out of trouble stick to public information stuff rather then getting onto thin ice with medical records, credit history etc.</p><p></p><p>In the end the more time you spend on this the more it feeds into your need to know (at least it did with me) it wasn't until I came to terms with the idea I can't control what other people do and I need to stop wasting my time chasing people that are just going to make me feel worse once I catch up to them. I would continue to send letters and cards for holidays, birthdays etc. but doubt I would automatically plan a 700 mile trip just because it's something I've done in the past. I don't know your son or you for that matter but if it was me I would wait for an invite that I believed would end in a nice visit before making that kind of trip.</p><p></p><p>Maybe a nice side project? Plant a garden, join a book club or better yet just about every shelter around has an abundance of cats they don't know what to do with. Don't have room to take one home? they could use help feeding & socializing at the shelters. My point being the more I chase my kids the more they run, but let me get into a project that I'm enjoying and they seem to then want to be with me doing whatever.</p><p></p><p>Nancy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="helpangel, post: 603754, member: 7170"] We as parents put all this time & effort into raising our kids to be independent adults; then when our efforts are successful and they leave the nest shouting over their shoulder "I don't need you anymore" it really hurts. Angel lives under the same roof as me but because she told her case manager she didn't want me to participate in her treatment... by law her case manager can't talk to me, even to confirm appointments that Angel needs me to drive her to. She can't talk to me but she listens because she offers programs to Angel that I suggest, otherwise Angel would want her working on things she can't make happen (like braces for her teeth instead of employment skills, housing programs) I'm working on the detaching thing but it's still new to me so the others at this site can help you more then I can. Medical information is confidential there is no legal way to get it without a signed release from your son. If curiosity is killing the cat so to speak you can often get useful information from your states correctional system online without cost. I periodically will check on that site to look up people who I like to keep track of by looking at when they were in jail, for what etc. To keep yourself out of trouble stick to public information stuff rather then getting onto thin ice with medical records, credit history etc. In the end the more time you spend on this the more it feeds into your need to know (at least it did with me) it wasn't until I came to terms with the idea I can't control what other people do and I need to stop wasting my time chasing people that are just going to make me feel worse once I catch up to them. I would continue to send letters and cards for holidays, birthdays etc. but doubt I would automatically plan a 700 mile trip just because it's something I've done in the past. I don't know your son or you for that matter but if it was me I would wait for an invite that I believed would end in a nice visit before making that kind of trip. Maybe a nice side project? Plant a garden, join a book club or better yet just about every shelter around has an abundance of cats they don't know what to do with. Don't have room to take one home? they could use help feeding & socializing at the shelters. My point being the more I chase my kids the more they run, but let me get into a project that I'm enjoying and they seem to then want to be with me doing whatever. Nancy [/QUOTE]
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