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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 603809" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>Animal Lover, to the compassionate responses already received, I would add that sometimes, our adult children need to put space between themselves and their parents to find out who they are without us. This is an important piece of becoming independent, free-thinking adults. It doesn't have to mean they are rejecting us. It is similar to what an adolescent goes through as he or she is trying to figure out just who they are in a changed, and changing, world. </p><p></p><p>There are times when parents need to give our children room. Times when we need to let them go a little, so they can come back to us as adults, and on their own terms. It helps me to look at it like I am loving them through whatever it is. Whatever they do, and however they feel about me or husband? Doesn't change one thing about how I feel about the kids. In those times when I especially miss them? I may light a candle especially for them. Or, re-read a card. Or, take out some cherished something that reminds me of them, to comfort myself.</p><p></p><p>Sometimes, I just have to miss them, and that pretty much sucks. </p><p></p><p>As we are all learning, here on the site, no matter how old the kids get, they still feel like our "kids", to us. We still want that intimacy we had with them when they were little. It's okay if we don't have that with them, though. We can love them to distraction, but still give them the time they need to come home again on their own.</p><p></p><p>You are so fortunate, animal lover, that your son is living independently. I can hear the pain and confusion in your posts. I know how it hurts, not to be the primary focus in your child's life, anymore. But it seems to me that your son will come back to you sooner if you give him this time, if you allow him to know he can trust you, if you let go and believe in the best for him, and for yourself. </p><p></p><p>It sometimes seems that parenting is filled with equal parts of joy and pain. I am lonely for my children too, sometimes. But I know they will come back to me, when they are ready. Your son will come back to you too, animal lover. </p><p></p><p>We come to respect our children as adults, when we realize they can function very well without us.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 603809, member: 1721"] Animal Lover, to the compassionate responses already received, I would add that sometimes, our adult children need to put space between themselves and their parents to find out who they are without us. This is an important piece of becoming independent, free-thinking adults. It doesn't have to mean they are rejecting us. It is similar to what an adolescent goes through as he or she is trying to figure out just who they are in a changed, and changing, world. There are times when parents need to give our children room. Times when we need to let them go a little, so they can come back to us as adults, and on their own terms. It helps me to look at it like I am loving them through whatever it is. Whatever they do, and however they feel about me or husband? Doesn't change one thing about how I feel about the kids. In those times when I especially miss them? I may light a candle especially for them. Or, re-read a card. Or, take out some cherished something that reminds me of them, to comfort myself. Sometimes, I just have to miss them, and that pretty much sucks. As we are all learning, here on the site, no matter how old the kids get, they still feel like our "kids", to us. We still want that intimacy we had with them when they were little. It's okay if we don't have that with them, though. We can love them to distraction, but still give them the time they need to come home again on their own. You are so fortunate, animal lover, that your son is living independently. I can hear the pain and confusion in your posts. I know how it hurts, not to be the primary focus in your child's life, anymore. But it seems to me that your son will come back to you sooner if you give him this time, if you allow him to know he can trust you, if you let go and believe in the best for him, and for yourself. It sometimes seems that parenting is filled with equal parts of joy and pain. I am lonely for my children too, sometimes. But I know they will come back to me, when they are ready. Your son will come back to you too, animal lover. We come to respect our children as adults, when we realize they can function very well without us. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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