scared and tired

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by tbone, Nov 24, 2008.

  1. tbone

    tbone tough luv is tough

    hope someone will reply to my post/i feel like i am the only one who has a teen with problems this severe/do not know if i will make the right decision/all trust is gone.
  2. smallworld

    smallworld Moderator


    Can you give us an idea of what's going on with your teen? How old is s/he? What is the diagnosis? Is s/he taking any medications? What behavioral problems are you encountering?

    The more specific you are, the more ideas we can offer. Again, welcome.
  3. house of cards

    house of cards New Member

    This is a very good site with alot of wise parents that have been through or are going through a very rough ride trying to raise their kids. Chances are there is someone that has dealt with what you are going through, give us a try.
  4. ML

    ML Guest

    I want to welcome you and let you know that you are definitely not alone. We all have unique circumstances but what we have in common is so much greater than our differences. Looking forward to getting to know you.
  5. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Let's see. We've had teens in jail, runaway, pregnant, on drugs, violent and out of control. They've been psychotic, psychopathic, schizophrenic. We've had kids in gangs, wannabee gangsters, kids jumped by gangs, kids killed by gangsters. We've had parents here whose son has sexually abused a sibling, cross-dressed, come out of the closet. I sincerely doubt your son has done anything we haven't heard of and that at least one board member hasn't experienced, except maybe murder.

    So, don't hesitate to tell us your story. We don't judge. We do have empathy and sympathy. We will try to help you as much as we can. If nothing else, we will listen.

    In the meantime, welcome to our little corner of the world. Grab a cup of your favorite liquid, a good snack and tell us what you can.
  6. tbone

    tbone tough luv is tough

    16 y/o son with severe conduct disorder and drug abuse/has been verabally and physically violent with family,teachers and so called friends.has been getting worse over the last 2 years and stayed gone for 1 month/police cout not find him/dealing narcotics.has tried to choke me to death/older sister and mom pried his hands off of me.i called police and he claimed he had to do it to get me off of him.1 month later sent his older sister to jail.has been in res facility 9 months and has overdosed 3 times and has got into numerous fights.he is scheduled to get out in 3 weeks and i fear that he will lie again to the police if he does not get his way.i have a very good career with no record and this would destroy me.have though about giving up parental rights.he is one that knows how to play the system and has been a model person becouse he was about to be sent to youth prison.dont want to live in fear of what he might do from day to day.he on no medications/he was hiding them when he was on them and then would crush them up and snort them/help me:faint:
  7. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    Just wanted to add my welcome Tbone.
    Glad you found us.

    As Meowbunny said, a lot of us have been there done that, and there's not a lot that can shock. We don't judge, and we can sympathize and empathize. When you're ready, please tell us what's going on.

  8. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I wish I had an easy answer for you. My daughter became an unrecognizable teen drug addict, and it shocked me...she had been such a sweet kid. I can't offer you suggestions, because nothing worked on her, but I can offer you hope. My daughter, at age 19, happened to see track marks on her friends arms, up and down. She suddenly had a lightbulb moment, "This could be me. I won't let it be me." She totally changed her life. And this monster teen is 24 and doing so well. We are best friends. I thought she'd end up in jail or dead. It is sort of up to him at his age, but you don't have to enable his behavior. By 18, if he is not in drug rehab, I would make him leave (we did this). And at some point in time he himself may decide to turn it around. In the meantime, an Residential Treatment Center (RTC) may be best for your safety and to give him one last chance to get off the drugs. I'll bet you'll see a whole other kid if he's no longer using. ((((Hugs)))) and so much good vibes and good luck.
  9. tbone

    tbone tough luv is tough

    My son is currently in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) for 8 months/that is where he OD 3 times and was in behavioral and mental hospital facility for a short time before he went to where he is now.
  10. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    While he is in the Residential Treatment Center (RTC), start finding what alternatives there are for you. It really sounds like he shouldn't be allowed to come home. It is just too dangerous for you and your other children. Write a parent report giving as much past and present history as possible. If you haven't done so, file a PINS or CHINS petition (Person or Child In Need of Services). Get the courts actively involved. Yes, they're going to try to blame you but stand firm. If you can afford if, hire an attorney rather than using a public defender. Attend local NA or Al-Anon meetings. Get your kids to go as well.

    Sadly, I wouldn't even try to save him at this point. He obviously doesn't want help and, if typical, thinks the problem is the world, not him. He is probably one of those people who will have to hit absolute rock bottom before he even considers there is something wrong with his life. That doesn't mean you won't love him, worry about him, want to do everything in your power to help him. It just means that, for now, he is beyond anyone's help. I'm so very, very sorry.
  11. Star*

    Star* call 911

    I just wanted to welcome you and tell you for REAL - you are not alone.

    And to echo the great advice Meow Bunny has given - also check into filing a petition of incorrigibility with family court. You have documentation - and that COULD get him into court ordered rehab (which has it's good and bad points) AND would keep him from coming home to your home where you are all obviously afraid of him.

    Also you may want to check into therapy or Alanon and Alateen for you and your other kids. Talking about trauma and stress like that with others that understand is necessary for the other siblings and YOU.

  12. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    Wow! I'd be mad. They don't watch the kids very well, do they???
  13. charlotechai

    charlotechai New Member

    You aren't alone. . .we're here for you and we understand your situation. Hugs!
  14. trinityroyal

    trinityroyal Well-Known Member

    My earlier reply and yours must have posted at the same time. I didn't see your second post with the detailed information about your son when I posted.

    Goodness! I agree with Meowbunny and Star that you need to look into a PINS or CHINS and a petition of Incorrigibility now, while your son is still in Residential Treatment Center (RTC). I don't think that you and your other children will be safe with him in your home. Right now, while your son is not willing to be helped, you need to focus on keeping yourself and the rest of your family safe.

    I am so very sorry for your pain.
  15. katya02

    katya02 Solace

    I'm so sorry that you've been through so much pain and fear, tbone. It really doesn't sound like your son should come home just because his time in Residential Treatment Center (RTC) is up. Do you have other children at home? You mentioned a daughter ... is she a minor? You would have a very strong case, in terms of filing for a CHINS or an incorrigibility order, for protecting other minor children. In your other post (Conduct Disorders thread, which I got email notification for just before I had to go out earlier today) you mention that YOU went to jail after your son tried to choke you ...!! Clearly your son is very manipulative and I can see why you're afraid of him.

    The Residential Treatment Center (RTC) should be into discharge planning for your son about now ... maybe get in touch with them and tell them he is not welcome at home, give the reasons, and try to work with them on options. If nothing else, they should be seriously questioning his readiness for discharge if he's OD'd three times with them! If necessary you could say that you don't believe you can keep him safe (which is the truth) at home given his recent ODs. It doesn't sound as if your son is ready to turn things around, so you have to protect yourself and your family. Best of luck, and keep posting. We'll be here.
  16. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Yes, you need to get the social system involved here. CHINS/PINS is probably the route I would recommend. You cannot have him come home again, and abuse the family.

    While at the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) what medications are they using to help him possibly start to get some stability?
    What is their recommendation for placement in an after care situation?

    Hugs and many positive thoughts are being sent your way.
  17. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    Just wanted to add my welcome!
  18. compassion

    compassion Member

    I am also new here. My daughter is 15 and I want to keep her out of LTR but we are so burned out!!! She has been sober 8 days and has not run in this time. She is bipolar,conduct disorder, and alcoholic. I am discoraged today. Compassion
  19. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Just adding in my welcome to both tbone and compassion.
  20. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Welcome, and sending very gentle hugs to you. You are in an awful spot.

    You simply MUST file the PINS/CHINS petition, and tell the Residential Treatment Center (RTC) that he just can't come home.

    You are not going to make him get sober. The 3 OD's may help you get him into rehab, as was suggested, but whatever youdo make sure he doesn't come home.

    I know you love him. But you love your other children and family also. You must protect them from him. And you have a responsibility to protect YOU from him just as much or more. If he killed you what would happen to your family? They NEED you, esp with your son doing what he is doing.

    Has he ever started fires, hurt animals etc?? Those can be signs of antisocial personality disorder, which is VERY scary. I would be extremely unwilling to take him back into my home, no matter what. It is just a very dangerous situation.

    I know you love him. Under everything he is still your son, that baby you fed and cuddled, that toddler you guided, that child you played with. But right now the monster of drugs has taken him over. YOU can't get him free of that.

    You can protect the rest of the family and yourself, while trying to get help for him. But he needs to be in rehab, or another therapeautic environment, or a foster home wehre you will all be safe from him. It will hurt, and it is awful. But you do him no good deed by letting him come home and do drugs and be out of control. All you can do is let him hit rock bottom and fight his way back up on his own. The sooner he hits bottom the sooner he can choose to climb up.

    Many gentle hugs and prayers,