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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 424012" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>The school may or may not be right about the mom breaking the law. You also must remember that just because something is written down as a law doesn't mean anyone is going to enforce it. </p><p> </p><p>This other mom may have NO CLUE that difficult child isn't going to school. If she is going out until this mom goes to work and then going back to the house or if she is going to another place instead of school, the mom might not know. How many times has a teen skipped school and the parents had absolutely no idea? I can remember when gfgbro was in high school. In one quarter - just nine weeks - he managed to get more than 50 absences/tardies to just ONE CLASS. It was right after lunch and came in late and left early to his first class after lunch. My mother was SOOOOOOO FURIOUS about it - at gfgbro, at the attendance officer and at the teacher. No one from school made even one call to my mom or sent a letter saying he was absent so much. </p><p> </p><p>I know it is easier to focus your anger and pain on this other mom who is letting difficult child do whatever she wants. That is NOT the real issue here. The real issue is your pain at having her walk away. I know you didn't throw her out - she refused to stay. I know that you are focusing on how this woman is breaking laws and hurting all of you, but you have to try to keep your eye on the big picture. I do NOT think easy child would have hit true bottom if this other mom had just stayed out of everything. easy child may have reached YOUR bottom, but she hasn't reached hers.</p><p> </p><p>You COULD go get a cop and go to the house difficult child is staying at. All the mom has to say is that she thought you were okay with it because you let her pack her things and leave. Chances are very high that the officer would NOT write up any real report and if you took it to court it would get continued until after easy child was 18 and then get tossed out.</p><p> </p><p>At age 17 there won't be many officers who would help you drag her back home. </p><p> </p><p>As for school, they likely do not know what they are talking about re: pressing charges, etc.... As easy child could legally drop out and you couldn't stop her, there is almost no chance that anyone would go after her for truancy - NOT this close to her birthday.</p><p> </p><p>I know this hurts horribly and that you are madder than you have been in a long time, but it is time to realize that you couldn't really stop easy child from leaving if you wanted to. At least this way you have some contact. I have no idea why the mom is letting her come home drunk other than to wonder how much the mom is really home. Chances are she works full time and feels she can trust her daughter - or has no idea what to do to supervise the girls when they are not in school and she is at work. Think back to your own high school days. How many times did your own mom not have a clue about what you were doing, if you were drinking or smoking or whatever?? how many things have you told your mom that shocked her - things that you did in high school? I know my parents did not have even a teeny inkling of what all I was doing. And I was not out doing anything really wrong - not even drinking or smoking cigarettes, much less anything else. Heck, my mom didn't even know that the prof from a college class I was taking had come into the store where I worked and flashed me. OR that I had grabbed my camera and taken a couple of pics, then written my name on a sheet of paper and told him that I now had an A in his class because if I didn't I would give the pics to the cops AND to my mother who was a professor on the same campus. My mom was totally STUNNED to learn this (my dad was more amused and proud of my quick thinking, though he would have destroyed the man's career and private life if he had known at the time, lol).</p><p> </p><p>I am NOT on this enabling mom's side. I just want you to see that the blame/fault for this may actually NOT be on the mom except for her not keeping track of these young women. Of course, how well did it work when you tried to motivate easy child and keep track of her comings and goings? easy child and this other girl may have totally bamboozled this other mom. Who knows what they have said about why Jen needs a place to sleep and be safe?</p><p> </p><p>Regardless of what the mom knows and/or does, YOU need to work through all of these things. I know it is really hard and that you are so angry that it feels like a monster is taking over. Find someone to talk to (therapist) and to help you figure this stuff out. As easy child is drinking and has used pot, I truly and honestly think that you NEED to go to alanon. NEED it, not would benefit from it. I know getting away from difficult child is hard. Maybe when husband has a day off you could take an hour to go to a meeting. Or when difficult child is at her dad's house you could go. </p><p> </p><p>Sending lots of hugs. I am sorry this hurts so much and has you in such turmoil.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 424012, member: 1233"] The school may or may not be right about the mom breaking the law. You also must remember that just because something is written down as a law doesn't mean anyone is going to enforce it. This other mom may have NO CLUE that difficult child isn't going to school. If she is going out until this mom goes to work and then going back to the house or if she is going to another place instead of school, the mom might not know. How many times has a teen skipped school and the parents had absolutely no idea? I can remember when gfgbro was in high school. In one quarter - just nine weeks - he managed to get more than 50 absences/tardies to just ONE CLASS. It was right after lunch and came in late and left early to his first class after lunch. My mother was SOOOOOOO FURIOUS about it - at gfgbro, at the attendance officer and at the teacher. No one from school made even one call to my mom or sent a letter saying he was absent so much. I know it is easier to focus your anger and pain on this other mom who is letting difficult child do whatever she wants. That is NOT the real issue here. The real issue is your pain at having her walk away. I know you didn't throw her out - she refused to stay. I know that you are focusing on how this woman is breaking laws and hurting all of you, but you have to try to keep your eye on the big picture. I do NOT think easy child would have hit true bottom if this other mom had just stayed out of everything. easy child may have reached YOUR bottom, but she hasn't reached hers. You COULD go get a cop and go to the house difficult child is staying at. All the mom has to say is that she thought you were okay with it because you let her pack her things and leave. Chances are very high that the officer would NOT write up any real report and if you took it to court it would get continued until after easy child was 18 and then get tossed out. At age 17 there won't be many officers who would help you drag her back home. As for school, they likely do not know what they are talking about re: pressing charges, etc.... As easy child could legally drop out and you couldn't stop her, there is almost no chance that anyone would go after her for truancy - NOT this close to her birthday. I know this hurts horribly and that you are madder than you have been in a long time, but it is time to realize that you couldn't really stop easy child from leaving if you wanted to. At least this way you have some contact. I have no idea why the mom is letting her come home drunk other than to wonder how much the mom is really home. Chances are she works full time and feels she can trust her daughter - or has no idea what to do to supervise the girls when they are not in school and she is at work. Think back to your own high school days. How many times did your own mom not have a clue about what you were doing, if you were drinking or smoking or whatever?? how many things have you told your mom that shocked her - things that you did in high school? I know my parents did not have even a teeny inkling of what all I was doing. And I was not out doing anything really wrong - not even drinking or smoking cigarettes, much less anything else. Heck, my mom didn't even know that the prof from a college class I was taking had come into the store where I worked and flashed me. OR that I had grabbed my camera and taken a couple of pics, then written my name on a sheet of paper and told him that I now had an A in his class because if I didn't I would give the pics to the cops AND to my mother who was a professor on the same campus. My mom was totally STUNNED to learn this (my dad was more amused and proud of my quick thinking, though he would have destroyed the man's career and private life if he had known at the time, lol). I am NOT on this enabling mom's side. I just want you to see that the blame/fault for this may actually NOT be on the mom except for her not keeping track of these young women. Of course, how well did it work when you tried to motivate easy child and keep track of her comings and goings? easy child and this other girl may have totally bamboozled this other mom. Who knows what they have said about why Jen needs a place to sleep and be safe? Regardless of what the mom knows and/or does, YOU need to work through all of these things. I know it is really hard and that you are so angry that it feels like a monster is taking over. Find someone to talk to (therapist) and to help you figure this stuff out. As easy child is drinking and has used pot, I truly and honestly think that you NEED to go to alanon. NEED it, not would benefit from it. I know getting away from difficult child is hard. Maybe when husband has a day off you could take an hour to go to a meeting. Or when difficult child is at her dad's house you could go. Sending lots of hugs. I am sorry this hurts so much and has you in such turmoil. [/QUOTE]
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