Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
School issues, what would you do?
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 432546" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Take the photos. I would follow through as far as possible, because I agree, a bigger kid standing over your son is the kid who is in a position to walk away. The kid being stood over is far less able to get up and walk away, he has to get past the attacker.</p><p></p><p>Take photos of his hands with his face in the shot as well, and make sure it shows that his hands are unmarked as far as possible. If your son was also throwing punches, AFTER the other kid was, he was defending himself. </p><p></p><p>Our Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids are so often the one blamed, that the other kids, especially the bullies, learn that they can attack and get away with it by blaming "the weird kid" for starting it.</p><p></p><p>This problem is going to follow you, for two very good reasons:</p><p></p><p>First, human nature being what it is, the person who is different will always be a target for those who fear the unusual and different. These people resent feeling fearful and so attack rather than deal with it. A good defence against this is to educate the others. I used to say, "difficult child 3 is no threat, and beating him up is no glory either." I actually went to the school and addressed the class, telling them about autism (with professional support - Sixth Sense program).</p><p></p><p>Second, your son is in a circling pattern with conflict behaviour. A kid who has been frequently attacked, especially without being protected or vindicated, is a kid who has been programmed to be a victim. Bullies can sniff these kids out and make a beeline for them.</p><p></p><p>If you now go in and stand up for your son, and take the photos to prove that he was not hitting the other kid, then you are teaching your son that truth is important and also that he is worth fighting for. You are also setting the example of the right way to handle conflict. Use it as a teaching example.</p><p></p><p>Over the years with my kids, I have gone in to bat for them over various problems. As far as possible I fight battles by negotiation, by lobbying, and by logic and reason. I take action by putting things in writing and making sure I follow through. Now I see my older kids learning to do the same for themselves. If they need advice on what to say or do, I am there. But more and more, they do it for themselves, and do it well. I taught them that they are worth fighting for, that justice is worth fighting for. Fighting the right way, too, and not merely throwing insults.</p><p></p><p>I would put your concerns in writing, and make it clear that simultaneous copies are winging their way to others up the chain of command. Keep your letter simple, and make clear what you want - your son's name cleared because in this, he was the victim. It sounds to me like this has been a long-term problem not dealt properly with by the school. I would also keep fighting to clear his name, after you move. Next year. Don't let up. I would also talk to the new school principal about it and also your concerns that he has come form an environment where he has been bullied, and so his social responses are likely to be unhealthy (victim mode) as well as possibly reactive, or maybe seen as reactive when he is not.</p><p></p><p>An example I give, was from a very similar situation with difficult child 3. We had just changed schools, from a bullying environment to one where bullying was a huge no-no. The class was getting out, difficult child 3 who did not know where to go (being the new kid) was moving slowly and uncertainly. A kid behind him said, "Get out of the way, dummy." </p><p>difficult child 3, instead of getting out of the way, stood there and said quietly, "Well go on then. Hit me."</p><p>The other boy, to his credit, walked away and got the principal, because he thought difficult child 3 was trying to start a fight. The principal, to HIS credit, recognised the source of the problem - difficult child 3 had been bullied so badly and for so many years, that he had been taught the pattern to expect - first comes the name-calling, then the punches follow as surely as night follows day. And he was tired of it, just wanted it to be done and over with. "Hit me, it's what is coming next, I just want to get it over with so I can continue on outside and get my lunch."</p><p></p><p>It took several years of correspondence school for difficult child 3 to learn that he can feel safe, that he does not deserve to be hit simply because he is difficult child 3; and that life does not have to be lived in fear.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 432546, member: 1991"] Take the photos. I would follow through as far as possible, because I agree, a bigger kid standing over your son is the kid who is in a position to walk away. The kid being stood over is far less able to get up and walk away, he has to get past the attacker. Take photos of his hands with his face in the shot as well, and make sure it shows that his hands are unmarked as far as possible. If your son was also throwing punches, AFTER the other kid was, he was defending himself. Our Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD) kids are so often the one blamed, that the other kids, especially the bullies, learn that they can attack and get away with it by blaming "the weird kid" for starting it. This problem is going to follow you, for two very good reasons: First, human nature being what it is, the person who is different will always be a target for those who fear the unusual and different. These people resent feeling fearful and so attack rather than deal with it. A good defence against this is to educate the others. I used to say, "difficult child 3 is no threat, and beating him up is no glory either." I actually went to the school and addressed the class, telling them about autism (with professional support - Sixth Sense program). Second, your son is in a circling pattern with conflict behaviour. A kid who has been frequently attacked, especially without being protected or vindicated, is a kid who has been programmed to be a victim. Bullies can sniff these kids out and make a beeline for them. If you now go in and stand up for your son, and take the photos to prove that he was not hitting the other kid, then you are teaching your son that truth is important and also that he is worth fighting for. You are also setting the example of the right way to handle conflict. Use it as a teaching example. Over the years with my kids, I have gone in to bat for them over various problems. As far as possible I fight battles by negotiation, by lobbying, and by logic and reason. I take action by putting things in writing and making sure I follow through. Now I see my older kids learning to do the same for themselves. If they need advice on what to say or do, I am there. But more and more, they do it for themselves, and do it well. I taught them that they are worth fighting for, that justice is worth fighting for. Fighting the right way, too, and not merely throwing insults. I would put your concerns in writing, and make it clear that simultaneous copies are winging their way to others up the chain of command. Keep your letter simple, and make clear what you want - your son's name cleared because in this, he was the victim. It sounds to me like this has been a long-term problem not dealt properly with by the school. I would also keep fighting to clear his name, after you move. Next year. Don't let up. I would also talk to the new school principal about it and also your concerns that he has come form an environment where he has been bullied, and so his social responses are likely to be unhealthy (victim mode) as well as possibly reactive, or maybe seen as reactive when he is not. An example I give, was from a very similar situation with difficult child 3. We had just changed schools, from a bullying environment to one where bullying was a huge no-no. The class was getting out, difficult child 3 who did not know where to go (being the new kid) was moving slowly and uncertainly. A kid behind him said, "Get out of the way, dummy." difficult child 3, instead of getting out of the way, stood there and said quietly, "Well go on then. Hit me." The other boy, to his credit, walked away and got the principal, because he thought difficult child 3 was trying to start a fight. The principal, to HIS credit, recognised the source of the problem - difficult child 3 had been bullied so badly and for so many years, that he had been taught the pattern to expect - first comes the name-calling, then the punches follow as surely as night follows day. And he was tired of it, just wanted it to be done and over with. "Hit me, it's what is coming next, I just want to get it over with so I can continue on outside and get my lunch." It took several years of correspondence school for difficult child 3 to learn that he can feel safe, that he does not deserve to be hit simply because he is difficult child 3; and that life does not have to be lived in fear. Marg [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
General Parenting
School issues, what would you do?
Top