school mtg with-easy child

[Jena]

hi

so i went to team mtg. at easy child's school with the entire staff. well needless to say she's at wire regarding graduation.

if she doesn't do x y and z graduation will not be happening. she was defiant in the mtg. at one point when the dean of students and the guy whose also the principal spoke to her. she told him off. we were all shocked.

than cursed me at mtg and called me a b**** i bleeped that out. they kept asking why she isnt' in her early classes. she said aw i can't sleep at night due to ssri. i said yes also probably because ssri mixed with a ton of alcohol could also be the problem.

she left walked out of mtg in tears and raging. guidance counselor and principal looked at me adn said you have zero control over her huh..? i said exactly right.

they said well wake her up in the a.m. for school during mtg.to get her in. i said no way. i said she sits up on facebook, webcam and is chosing to stay awake she will not place blame solely on a medication. i will not be the reason she graduates or doesnt'.

so easy child turned and said well if youdont wake me i wont be in school. i said fine thats your choice.

so end of day she disappeared yet again. we have no clue where she is. she stated she isnt' coming home and moving out when 18 in two months. i said move out now thats fine with us.

yet that means no cell, no money, no food or rood no college money or car. again your choice.

so we shall see. than i leave and walk out had to bring difficult child. who waited outside mtg. who than asks when are kids coming today. my step kids. i had to tell her i dont' know teh plan today because as usual husband's ex changed plan with kids yet again.

so than she began to melt down on me. i told husband i'm tired of this for the last and final time get the plan on sunday night from work.if difficult child had amedical condition you would. well she's Mentally ill so look at it as a medical condition and handle as such and get the stupid plan the two lousy days your home ahead of time so i can put on schedule.

 

[AnnieO]

If she isn't coming home, you can report her as a runaway.

I know this is a hard thing to do, but you may need to. She needs to understand the consequences of her actions. The fact is, she's still a minor. If she's not going to class - then she won't graduate. Yes, she needs to get up in the morning. But... Even if you wake her, will she? Not likely.

You won't have to worry about her being up till all hours online if you've taken away the laptop. That being said... You can't make her come home, either.

BUT, she's still a minor, which means you're still legally responsible. So you need to take some action - if only to protect yourself and difficult child.

{{{{{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}}}}}

 

[Jena]

i have a feeling that she has a drinking problem. i may be wrong here, yet i went into closet and there are several empty bottles. her behavior past year and a half has been erratic, she's depressed, she was fine up till friday than friday she totally flipped the script. there are tons of pics on her facebook al with alcohol in hand. it runs in our family at least on my side. my dad, my mom, all my aunts.

i could be being over dramatic yet i asked guidance counselor to do some digging she agreed it may be a possibility

 

[AnnieO]

Sweetie, any drinking that is illegal? Is a problem. Binge drinking? Is a problem. Multiple empty bottles in the closet? Is a SCARY problem.

I'm beginning to think that she wasn't fine till Friday, just hiding it. She is crying out - yes, she did better after riding lessons, because she was getting attention. She quit because she still needed your attention. OK, I could be WAYYYYYYY OFF. But... Is there any time that she is calm, willing to talk to you? That would be the time to ask her for her help. That's something I have noticed about Onyxx, if she is asked for help - not "do the dishes", more, "I really need your help with X" and then work with her - she does well. When I fell last fall? She was so good. So helpful. But if I remember correctly, easy child's worst behavior started when you went to Oregon with difficult child. So I am betting what's going through her head (whether consciously or not) is... what about ME?!

 

[Jena]

i see your point. yet my easy child isn't like that. shes' manipulative. she manipulated me this entire time, than went in for the kill when the "right" situation presented itself.

just went into her room and found 3 bottles of empty liquor, a huge bottle of bud half drank in her closet. and a funnel thingy. last week cleaned den found 3 empty beer bottles behind couch.

i spoke to husband about it he's like your being overdramatic. i said really how is that? yet i must be nuts, his kids need therapy so badly and he never pushed ex to get them the help that they need so why would he see this and say oh boy she needs help??

she refuses to come home, refuses to answer phone. what a mess.

 

[klmno]

I answered your other thread- and now I'm seconding that repsonse after reading this one!!

 

[AnnieO]

Um, hon? That many empty bottles is like an earth-sized red flag to me. I get that you cannot watch her 24/7 - trust me - I get it - but you need to do something. If she is not answering her phone? Call the police. Honestly. And more hugs, I know you need them.

 

[Jena]

whole thing bites, yet one day we'll live to tell the story and hopefully laugh about how our kids tortured us. dont' worry ill do the right thing i always do.

i know you aren't supposed to have favorites yet easy child is my favorite there i said it lol.

 

[Jensbee]

As a recovering drug addict who was definetly a self destruction teen, here are my two cents: It is a big mistake to ignore the early warning signs of substance abuse. Without true consequences everything could escalate and go in a horrible direction (take it from me I know). First off, I personally would buy an drug screening kit and test her for substances other than alcohol because its better to over react than under react in these situations. Secondly, your daughter is old enough to where you can sit down and have a open conversation once the storm passes. Allow her to come home on her own and when things calm down a little bit ask her if she feels she has a drinking problem. Undoubtedly the answer will be "no!". Have her prove that she hasn't lost control of her drinking by going to some outpaitent aa teen meetings a few times a week making it clear that if she slips into another 'episode' or is continues her defiance that she WILL be admitted to inpaitent. (hopefully your insurance can swing it). You only have two more months where you legally have control of her and can force her to get help... Thats just my opinion. I know that it is much easier said than done. good luck and keep your head up.

 

[DammitJanet]

Jena...you simply have to do what Dr Phil calls commando parenting for these last two months. It wont be easy and it might not do a bit of good because of her age but at least you will have tried.

Take away all her toys. She doesnt need a computer to facebook all night long. That should be gone as of today...actually yesterday. Cell phone should be history. They do make landlines and pay phones. I would give her a quarter..or is it 50 cents now and tell her to keep it in her shoe. Even considering a car would be the last thing on my mind and she should be told that is completely off the table. She can work for one like most kids in this country have to do. College? Doesnt sound too likely and even if she does manage to squeak by, I doubt many will take her other than a community college and even then I dont think you have the financial means to fund it. She should be responsible for that too. You are NOT responsible for her after age 18. If you know she is drinking with friends, call the cops on her friends and her. Tell them where this drinking is going on. If some parent is allowing this to go on in their house or someone is buying the booze for these kids, they are committing a crime. If she leaves, let her. The cops are not going to look for a kid who is darned near 18. They have much more important things to do.

 

[Jena]

hi

i appreciate the advice. we did drug test her recently it was clean. she isnt' using yet she is drinking. the odd thing is last night when she called flipping out she said to me on phone how dare you tell my teachers i have a drinking problem. i never said anything even remotely like that. i simply said your sleep disturbance could also be from you drinking on weekends and with an ssri in place.

so, thing is with her she doesn't do anything we tell her to do. there are no consequences great enough for her. took labtop can take cell nto give her money she simply doesnt' care. you know that thin line the one whereas when the kid gets there they dont' care anymore? that's where she's at now. why i dont' know. no argument at home, nothing to cause it.

so to say we can do tough parenting sure we'll do it. yet we have zero recourse with-her if she doesn't comply and she knows it. she's a smart girl. i have been flip flopping all day long and it's only 12 about my emotions regarding her the situation she has presented us with and the continued stress on our home due to it.

same kid who when we were in portland puttinga feeding tube down difficult child's throat (major trauma lol) she was havinga huge keg party in our home, took all our furniture out we came to learn of the house to fit more people. she has no conscious cant' spell at times. she simply does what she wants the defiance level is unlike anything i've ever seen. she blows difficult child out of the water and that's a hard act to follow.

i'm going to call cops thsi afternoon if she doesn't return here from school, we just found out she isnt' attending class yet she's hanging out in the bldg.?? weird. i'm also giving cops all her friends names. i found out legally parents can house her yet if she's absent from school which she was all a.m. till 12:30 now they'll get in trouble. so the hell with them.

 

[AnnieO]

They can house her - with your permission - unless laws have changed a LOT since I was a teenager.

I had a friend come over after school, she told my parents and I her stepmom and dad kicked her out. My mom INSISTED on calling her parents to make sure they knew she was safe. GOOD THING TOO. A cop answered the phone. Told my mother in no uncertain terms to bring friend back ASAP or she was looking at arrest for kidnapping.

WHAT?

Less than 48 hours...