Hi Jules,
We sound like we are in very similar boats; I'm just a little further down the SPED road because things came to a head last year in preschool. Not that we're in better shape, though.
Anyway, all last year the school system violated procedural safeguards, denied requests for evaluation out of hand, and generally screwed up paperwork, procedure, and implementation. Happily, H was in a fantastic preschool program with a brilliant teacher, and he did wonderfully throughout his experience. He was like a typical kid when he was in school. I didn't fight all their procedural screw-ups, because things were working in school, but what I did do was document everything in writing. After any meeting or phone call in which someone did something illegal, or said no to something, etc., I wrote it in a letter and sent it to the person saying that if they disagreed with anything I said, they should respond in writing. I faxed these and saved the fax machine receipt confirmation (I guess certified mail would have been better, but it was all I could do to manage writing the letter).
I haven't had to bring these documents to a hearing, but when I handed them to the director of Special Education a few weeks ago, let me tell you we had his attention. It sounds like they're trying to mess with you (and my advice would be to definitely NOT deny the evaluation authorization). I'd send a letter to this man stating the date you received the letter (and the discrepancy of the date on the letter), its incompleteness, what he asked you to agree to, and the fact that you would like them to proceed with the evaluation you requested on 8/30. Get connected with a Special Education advocacy group (here in mass. we have the Federation for Children with Special Needs) and take a workshop. I found mine invaluable. Talking to a lawyer was also helpful, though I haven't gotten to that level (yet).
Finally, a lot of things I read said to get a binder, organize everything you get from the school, every letter, notes from every meeting, etc., chronologically. I didn't do that until things fell apart this year because it felt overwhelming and I hoped I wouldn't need to. I devoted a couple of hours to making that binder a couple of weeks ago and let me tell you, it's a beautiful thing. It tends to get the Special Education people to pay attention too, because it sends the signal that you've got your ducks in a row and you'll be documenting what happens.
I'm in a bit of a crisis myself right now, so I guess my way of coping is being full of advice, so take this for what it's worth. My son had a neuropsychologist evaluation this summer and got a diagnosis of nonverbal learning disability (in addition to ADHD and general anxiety). When you write incessant talking in your sig line, that's a real tip-off to the possibility of nonverbal learning disability (they say "if they're not talking, they're not learning."). You might want to explore that possibility. After spinning our wheels for a long time, the neuropsychologist evaluation (paid for by insurance, though we had to sign something saying we'd pay if the insurance refused)was by FAR the most helpful information we have gotten, and the diagnosis of a learning disability helps to force the school to deal with it. Don't let anyone leave it at a diagnosis of ODD--they need a reason *why* he has ODD, and generally speaking that diagnosis will take you down a disciplinary, not therapeutic road.
That's quite enough for me, but good luck to you. All the documentation and organization and follow up is EXHAUSTING in a life where you have a kid with this kind of issue, but in the end it's worth it. At least that's my experience...
Star
