school question

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by prescottsunshine, Dec 6, 2008.

  1. prescottsunshine

    prescottsunshine prescottsunshine here is the low down. I am divorced from my difficult child's dad and we both work to support ourselves and our two boys. My difficult child is in 8th grade and is failing miserably this year. We finally broke down and put him on Lithium to help stabalize his crazy mood swings and to take the edge off his edginess! Anyway, to cut to the chase, he is a Special Education student and he was suspended for 10 days by the end of September and we had a meeting to change his placement. Now he is in a Self contained Emotional Disability classroom but is failing that too. The principal emailed me today and told me he was going to have to start suspending him again because he is refusing to complete work and is being obstinant and disrespectful. What are we supposed to do if he can't go to school? I am a school teacher myself and I will lose my job if I have to take more time off. Not to mention not being able to support myself. What do parents do when their kid can't go to school?

    any advice/personal experiences would be appreciated!

  2. Jena

    Jena New Member


    We all have struggled with that at one time or another. It can be such a challenging thing, when you have to go to work and also get them out the door and they simply do not want to go. Other's will follow behind me that are more experienced with the "school issues", yet do you have a diagnosis for your son at this point? You said he is a Special Education student, so does he have an iep in place or a 504 at this point?? If so what does it state as far as any accommdations for him, and if so were they followed by the teachers/staff prior to this all happening?

    So, he's creating a problem in the school and the school is suggesting let's suspend him? So, he stays home and then returns to school to possibly do the same thing again?? Your a teacher so you problem know alot of times the schools do not make much sense.

    Is he currently seeing a therapist at all? I'm sorry i know it can be so frustrating. I as well as others have had to cut down our hours at work or leave our jobs to care for our difficult child's.

  3. Nancy423

    Nancy423 do I have to be the mom?

    doesn't sound like the school is willing to work with him at all. I'd check into therapeutic schools in your area. Get him placed in a facility that's willing to work with him instead of suspending him. If it were me, I'd request an emergency IEP. Suspensions aren't the answer.....
  4. prescottsunshine

    prescottsunshine prescottsunshine

    My difficult child is complicated as far as a diagnosis. He is ODD/NSLD/NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD) and possibly Antisocial Personality Disorder. He has been seeing specialists since the age of 2 and we have spent over $60,000 on his care over the years. He didn't go to school until 3rd grade because he was disfunctional and could not handle it (I homeschooled him and it almost killed me!!! Canno do it again!!).

    I do like the idea of a therapuetic school setting...maybe I should mention that to the IEP team as you suggest. He does have an IEP and is categorized as Learning Disabled and Emotionally Disabled. one promised us a rose garden I guess but I just can't stay home to care for would be detrimental to our relationship and my state of mind and I currently live paycheck to paycheck so I don't even know how I would financially do it.

    Anyway...thanks for all your ideas!
  5. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Nancy had a great idea. I wish you luck with that. It can be so hard, yet keep searching for answers. I agree suspension isn't the answer at all.
  6. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    I am pretty sure they CANNOT suspend him for more than 10 days in any school year. And is the refusing to work maybe because he CAN'T do it? With the NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD) and other learning disabilities he may not be ABLE to do what they are asking of him.

    Post this over on the Special Education 101 forum - they will be able to answer this more clearly than I can.

    But suspending him for not doing his work? Um, that is, well, stupid. Why not in school suspension, or have him wash down the tables in the cafeteria, or some other chore? I don't think he is going to learn anything from a suspension, other than if he doesn't want to go to school all he has to do is refuse to do the work. Gee, is that REALLY the lesson the principal wants to teach?
  7. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I'd post this in the SpEd forum. I'd also look into therapeutic day school. What are they doing to help with his NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD)? In the 8th grade, that is going to much more pronounced because they are expected to work more independently and on more complex problems and it's not going to click with him. Check out:

    by the way, what is NSLD? I'm not familiar with that term.
  8. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Hi & welcome. I agree that it's time to start looking for another educational setting for your difficult child.

    My twins have both attended & one still attends day treatment school. It's a day of half academic & half education. My daughter spent almost 3 years in day treatment & is now in a mainstream school in the contained Special Education room. However, she is this next quarter going into her 3 mainstream class.

    My son, wm, is still in the day treatment setting & making progress a bit slower than his twin however he's never been suspended & the staff there know how to handle his issues.

    Your school district should know of a day treatment setting for your son. Call an IEP meeting for your difficult child & ask for a therapeutic setting. It's time to start now for that setting.

    I agree with Heather that you should also post on the Special Education forum on this site. The ladies who moderate that site as well as the parents there have a great deal of knowledge when it comes to school issues.

    by the way, I've never heard of suspension for refusal to do work, disrespect, etc. Especially out of a contained room. These teachers are trained & licensed (at least in our state) to teach children with emotional & behavior issues ~ that's their specialty.
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I'd post on Spec. Ed 101. If a school can't accomodate a student, they have to send him elsewhere AND pay for it. But I'd also re-evaluate him. He sounds like he could be on the high functioning end of the autism spectrum, and they may have missed the boat completely. Has he ever seen a neuropsychologist? Kids on the autism spectrum do not "get" social norms and often appear to be cold and lacking in empathy and, due to communication deficits, they can get very frustrated and act out and are easily misdiagnosed. I would get another opinion and go to a neuropsychologist--they understand ALL disorders and will test him in all areas. Does he have any social skills? Did he have any early speech or motor delays or play in an odd way (such as lining up cars) or focusing on lightbulbs. Did he ever echo? At the same time, did he read very early (like age two) and does he speak like a Little Professor? Sadly, often kids are labeled emotionally disturbed or "bad" when they are misdiagnosed. My son was wrongly diagnosed until he was 11 years old. The NonVerbal Learning Disorder (NVLD) is kind of a red flag for me. I have one myself and I know it CAN be a screaming siren for Aspergers Syndrome or Pervasive Developmental Disorder (PDD)-not otherwise specified and those disorders need specific, special interventions (NOT behavioral classes). Can't hurt to see something who is well schooled in all parts of the spectrum. Psychiatrists usually are not, therapists are worse, schools are clueless. Perhaps, sadly, even after all the money you spent, he is seeing the wrong kind of specialists--behavioral therapists, psychiatrists, social workers, counselors, etc.
    Please post in Special Education 101 as well. Good luck.
  10. Ropefree

    Ropefree Banned

    The disability right for a free appropriate education and achieving the componants for that are what you are after.
    Schools will and do insist that they "can not" sighting disiplinary issues and safety of the others ..teachers, students ect.
    Meanwhile the out of control learner is having a two fold damaging process
    #1)self esteem is being beat to a pulp.
    #2)child is learning to control others with inapproprate behavor.
    Get a crissis intervention in place with the treating child adolescent psyciatirist, the district school psycologist, the Special Education department head throught the super intendents office or the state administrative office.
    The main thing is the child needs to be in the correct treatment medically and also to have the correct environment for learning. May need an aide in the class.
    Next the plan for the school has to make the adults teaching responsive to the IEP. It is not ok for the adults, the teachers, to admire the Special Education learners problems and then fail to or to pursue an accomidation.
  11. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    HI! I agree with MWM about having him re-evaluated- and if you can afford it, it sounds like complete neuropsychologist testing done privately would be a good idea. This varies, I guess, from place to place, but around here there is a difference between "day treatment" and "therapeutic day school". Day treatment means more of a therapeutic setting- with educational consultants and tdocs and psychiatrists available who actually manage the mental health care as well as the educational aspect. Once they find the right "mix" that works for your difficult child, they get it established in the iep and get the kid back into a mainstream school, if possible. This is VERY difficult to find and get where I live.

    Conversely, here "therapeutic day school" are the ones where they send all kids with behavior problems. The school district tried to send my son to one once but I stopped it once I found out that it was for the kids that throw chairs across the room and were mostly uncontrollable and that for bipolar kids who did not act that way, this was a horrible idea and it can make them worse. Also, I learned that most of those students never go back to mainstream schools, whether in Special Education classes or not.

    So, I would suggest a thorough check into what schools are available in your area and check out individual schools before pushing for a particular one. Also, I'm going thru a situation with my son right now where I can't get him to school. I have decided to skip the option of a different school setting while keeping other things as they are because I don't see how that will help get him to school.

    That might not have anything to do with your situation, I just thought I'd throw it out so you can think about all aspects. If the problem is his unhappiness at school, then changing schools might be a good idea. I don't think that is the case with my son- at least, I don't think another school would make him any happier than the one he's in already.

    But, it did take a lot to get people at school on board with supports and encouragement and having an attitude of "working with" rather than dictating. I guess I'm just suggesting that you think about the specifics of each contributing factor and try to pinpoint what might be holding him back from reaching his potential.