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school suspension unfair?
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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 336352" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Welcome. There is help here. Not necessarily with this specific problem, because it sounds to me like there are other underlying problems here not only with your son's behaviour (and possibly choice of friends) but also with the school's approach.</p><p></p><p>My help with the school is fairly limited, since I'm from another country where things are done a little differently. What the school has done could be acceptable, if they apply the same standards equally to all students. If they do not, then they are being discriminatory.</p><p></p><p>You also should have the right to appeal. There should be some more directed help on tis over in the Special Education forum.</p><p></p><p>It will help if you can do a sig for yourself and your family, that way you don't have to keep explaining the family dynamics every time you post.</p><p></p><p>What is your son's diagnosis (if any)? What sort of problems do you have with him? What have other people said to you? On what grounds do the school feel they can push for a special placement? Who has assessed your son? How old is he?</p><p></p><p>About the drink bottle thing, I suspect they are alleging that what he did/said he did constitutes sexual harassment. I must admit, it is how I would perceive it. But a lot of this depends on what sort of history your son has, especially what sort of experience this girl has also had with this sort of thing (ie how upset this has made her). It also connects to how old he is/how old she is.</p><p></p><p>Personally, the best way to handle this is to sit him down and explain just why it is wrong to even joke about it. About how it makes the girl feel. He needs to be made to understand just WHY this is not okay. Suspension won't do this. If anything, it rewards bad behaviour with time off school. A better punishment would be to help him understand why it is wrong, and THEN make him apologise to the girl, to sit down and sort it out between them. He needs the equivalent of a victim impact statement to really hit home to him. Ditto with his friends.</p><p></p><p>I would be worrying about where these ideas are coming from. Is this burgeoning testosterone? Not knowing how to appropriately interact with girls? Maybe he likes this girl (or doesn't like this girl) and doesn't know how to deal with it. Maybe he and his "mates" are trying to big-talk each other up as sexual creatures, and are fantasising about watching that girl drink form a bottle, and what if it wasn't a bottle she was so avidly draining, but something a lot more intimate? He needs to know that just because other lads talk like this, it is NOT acceptable or appropriate.</p><p></p><p>Some kids learn by following examples set by others around them. They don't learn "Do as I say," but instead are more focussed on "Do as I do." If so, they need to learn that some kids are not good role models, even if they tell him they are.</p><p></p><p>Social issues sound like a problem, along with other things.</p><p></p><p>Sorry you're dealing with this. Maybe you could approach the school with a more useful and productive punishment option. Failing that - change schools. He may, for a while, need to be home-schooled, to get him away from relying on the wrong kids for social instruction.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 336352, member: 1991"] Welcome. There is help here. Not necessarily with this specific problem, because it sounds to me like there are other underlying problems here not only with your son's behaviour (and possibly choice of friends) but also with the school's approach. My help with the school is fairly limited, since I'm from another country where things are done a little differently. What the school has done could be acceptable, if they apply the same standards equally to all students. If they do not, then they are being discriminatory. You also should have the right to appeal. There should be some more directed help on tis over in the Special Education forum. It will help if you can do a sig for yourself and your family, that way you don't have to keep explaining the family dynamics every time you post. What is your son's diagnosis (if any)? What sort of problems do you have with him? What have other people said to you? On what grounds do the school feel they can push for a special placement? Who has assessed your son? How old is he? About the drink bottle thing, I suspect they are alleging that what he did/said he did constitutes sexual harassment. I must admit, it is how I would perceive it. But a lot of this depends on what sort of history your son has, especially what sort of experience this girl has also had with this sort of thing (ie how upset this has made her). It also connects to how old he is/how old she is. Personally, the best way to handle this is to sit him down and explain just why it is wrong to even joke about it. About how it makes the girl feel. He needs to be made to understand just WHY this is not okay. Suspension won't do this. If anything, it rewards bad behaviour with time off school. A better punishment would be to help him understand why it is wrong, and THEN make him apologise to the girl, to sit down and sort it out between them. He needs the equivalent of a victim impact statement to really hit home to him. Ditto with his friends. I would be worrying about where these ideas are coming from. Is this burgeoning testosterone? Not knowing how to appropriately interact with girls? Maybe he likes this girl (or doesn't like this girl) and doesn't know how to deal with it. Maybe he and his "mates" are trying to big-talk each other up as sexual creatures, and are fantasising about watching that girl drink form a bottle, and what if it wasn't a bottle she was so avidly draining, but something a lot more intimate? He needs to know that just because other lads talk like this, it is NOT acceptable or appropriate. Some kids learn by following examples set by others around them. They don't learn "Do as I say," but instead are more focussed on "Do as I do." If so, they need to learn that some kids are not good role models, even if they tell him they are. Social issues sound like a problem, along with other things. Sorry you're dealing with this. Maybe you could approach the school with a more useful and productive punishment option. Failing that - change schools. He may, for a while, need to be home-schooled, to get him away from relying on the wrong kids for social instruction. Marg [/QUOTE]
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