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SD has run away...
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<blockquote data-quote="LostSF" data-source="post: 368720"><p>Well, much has happened since my last post.</p><p></p><p>wife got home about 20 minutes later and hadn't found or seen SD after driving all over town. When wife was almost home, SD had texted her to say "I'm not coming home tonight." When wife asked where she was staying for the night, the reply was "In a ditch, LOL."</p><p></p><p>I was telling wife we needed to call the police (thanks for the confirmation everyone), when SD texted again. She said she was going to spend the night at her Birth Father's (who lives several miles away). wife asked SD if she was with her Dad now, and SD said "Yes."</p><p></p><p>So wife calls her ex (who is an abusive person, so it's never a pleasant conversation), and of course he hasn't heard from SD. wife tells him what's been going on, and Birth Father says he will call SD and call us back.</p><p></p><p>He calls back a minute later to say he has a message from SD asking him to come pick her up. Again, as fate would have it Birth Father was only a short drive away, but he was on his motorcycle and only had one helmet. Long story short, he shows up to pick up SD on his bike, without a helmet for her. He calls wife to tell her "everything's okay, she's coming home with me", and when wife asks how SD will get there without a helmet, Birth Father says "it's okay, don't worry about it."</p><p></p><p>So wife insists that if SD is going home with Birth Father tonight, that she will drive her there. So that's what she's doing right now, driving SD to stay with her Birth Father.</p><p></p><p>Now SD said she only wants to stay for a couple of days, but I guess we'll see. She's said many times that she hates her Birth Father, and avoids spending time with him as much as possible. But he has a way of manipulating people to do what he wants, and I'm sure he's going to be trying very hard to get her to move in with him. He did the same thing with SS -- made him a bunch of promises (that he never kept) to get SS to move in, and although SD is a little too smart to fall for that, I wouldn't be completely surprised if she agreed to live with him indefinitely just to keep punishing wife.</p><p></p><p>Now one of the things SD wanted to know was if she would be grounded when she got home, implying that she wasn't coming home if she was going to be grounded. Right or wrong, I told wife that the answer should be no (that she wouldn't be grounded), and that wife and SD would talk about what happened and how they could improve things when SD was ready to talk. So that is what wife told SD.</p><p></p><p>So now what? We have been taking a firmer approach with SD for the past few months, in the hope that she would stop the lying, sneaking around, etc. But she's played the trump card -- if we ground her, I'm pretty sure she'll just leave again.</p><p></p><p>So how do you deal with a 14 y.o. child who has shown she's willing to run away if she doesn't get her way? Do you stick to the rules, or do you negotiate a bit (giving her a little more freedom, even though she's done nothing to prove we can trust her)? Is there anything we should say or do with her when she gets home to reduce the chances of this happening again?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="LostSF, post: 368720"] Well, much has happened since my last post. wife got home about 20 minutes later and hadn't found or seen SD after driving all over town. When wife was almost home, SD had texted her to say "I'm not coming home tonight." When wife asked where she was staying for the night, the reply was "In a ditch, LOL." I was telling wife we needed to call the police (thanks for the confirmation everyone), when SD texted again. She said she was going to spend the night at her Birth Father's (who lives several miles away). wife asked SD if she was with her Dad now, and SD said "Yes." So wife calls her ex (who is an abusive person, so it's never a pleasant conversation), and of course he hasn't heard from SD. wife tells him what's been going on, and Birth Father says he will call SD and call us back. He calls back a minute later to say he has a message from SD asking him to come pick her up. Again, as fate would have it Birth Father was only a short drive away, but he was on his motorcycle and only had one helmet. Long story short, he shows up to pick up SD on his bike, without a helmet for her. He calls wife to tell her "everything's okay, she's coming home with me", and when wife asks how SD will get there without a helmet, Birth Father says "it's okay, don't worry about it." So wife insists that if SD is going home with Birth Father tonight, that she will drive her there. So that's what she's doing right now, driving SD to stay with her Birth Father. Now SD said she only wants to stay for a couple of days, but I guess we'll see. She's said many times that she hates her Birth Father, and avoids spending time with him as much as possible. But he has a way of manipulating people to do what he wants, and I'm sure he's going to be trying very hard to get her to move in with him. He did the same thing with SS -- made him a bunch of promises (that he never kept) to get SS to move in, and although SD is a little too smart to fall for that, I wouldn't be completely surprised if she agreed to live with him indefinitely just to keep punishing wife. Now one of the things SD wanted to know was if she would be grounded when she got home, implying that she wasn't coming home if she was going to be grounded. Right or wrong, I told wife that the answer should be no (that she wouldn't be grounded), and that wife and SD would talk about what happened and how they could improve things when SD was ready to talk. So that is what wife told SD. So now what? We have been taking a firmer approach with SD for the past few months, in the hope that she would stop the lying, sneaking around, etc. But she's played the trump card -- if we ground her, I'm pretty sure she'll just leave again. So how do you deal with a 14 y.o. child who has shown she's willing to run away if she doesn't get her way? Do you stick to the rules, or do you negotiate a bit (giving her a little more freedom, even though she's done nothing to prove we can trust her)? Is there anything we should say or do with her when she gets home to reduce the chances of this happening again? [/QUOTE]
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