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SD has run away...
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<blockquote data-quote="AnnieO" data-source="post: 368928" data-attributes="member: 6705"><p>You have heard a lot of good advice here... Honestly, you could be describing Onyxx. And your wife is <strong><em>most definitely </em></strong>in denial. She is enabling the behavior, and I'll be honest with you - it <strong>CAN </strong>and <strong>WILL </strong>get worse if nothing is done. I realize you're "just a stepdad" - kind of like I am "just a stepmom" (ha, ha, ha... JUST.) - but it's YOUR home, too. Fact is, if you do not put YOUR foot down about what you will tolerate in YOUR home - it will escalate. And I realize you love wife - but she is enabling the behavior - and therefore (most likely subconsciously) thumbing her nose at you, too. No, she doesn't <em>mean</em> to do it, and yes, I can see the point behind "the kids come first", but her not backing you up is just sending the message to SD that you're expendable.</p><p> </p><p>Someone mentioned that cutting is not something that a mentally healthy person would do. If the kid is/was self-harming, that's not just a red flag. That's a screaming siren/flashing lights. The lies, too. I'm talking from the point of view of a stepparent that's been there done that and I'm not yet out the other side.</p><p> </p><p>Lastly - EVERY TIME she physically leaves your home without permission, and I don't mean to stand in the front yard - wife doesn't need to drive around - she needs to call the cops. because if she finds SD in a bad position, she could end up being the one in legal trouble. (Trust me, been there done that <em>iny my own home</em> and I still don't know how I kept it together and didn't kill Onyxx and her then-boyfriend).</p><p> </p><p>Lastly - good luck, and lots of hugs...</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="AnnieO, post: 368928, member: 6705"] You have heard a lot of good advice here... Honestly, you could be describing Onyxx. And your wife is [B][I]most definitely [/I][/B]in denial. She is enabling the behavior, and I'll be honest with you - it [B]CAN [/B]and [B]WILL [/B]get worse if nothing is done. I realize you're "just a stepdad" - kind of like I am "just a stepmom" (ha, ha, ha... JUST.) - but it's YOUR home, too. Fact is, if you do not put YOUR foot down about what you will tolerate in YOUR home - it will escalate. And I realize you love wife - but she is enabling the behavior - and therefore (most likely subconsciously) thumbing her nose at you, too. No, she doesn't [I]mean[/I] to do it, and yes, I can see the point behind "the kids come first", but her not backing you up is just sending the message to SD that you're expendable. Someone mentioned that cutting is not something that a mentally healthy person would do. If the kid is/was self-harming, that's not just a red flag. That's a screaming siren/flashing lights. The lies, too. I'm talking from the point of view of a stepparent that's been there done that and I'm not yet out the other side. Lastly - EVERY TIME she physically leaves your home without permission, and I don't mean to stand in the front yard - wife doesn't need to drive around - she needs to call the cops. because if she finds SD in a bad position, she could end up being the one in legal trouble. (Trust me, been there done that [I]iny my own home[/I] and I still don't know how I kept it together and didn't kill Onyxx and her then-boyfriend). Lastly - good luck, and lots of hugs... [/QUOTE]
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