Second guessing myself

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by Just keep swimming, May 18, 2007.

  1. Just keep swimming

    Just keep swimming New Member

    <span style="color: #993399"> <span style='font-size: 11pt'> Hi Family,

    I have been doing alot of thinking this morning on how I handled a situation with Aly yesterday. In the grand sceme of things, it really was a "Basket C" situation, but I have had it with her attitude of superiorness/deservedness (not a word, oh well)/entitelment.

    Aly is on a recreation Track team. They had a practice yesterday afternoon to get ready for her first meet on Saturday. I always stay for practice, so was sitting in the stands with J watching. I had stopped by an AM/PM and got waters and some Sun Chips to keep J occupied.

    Practice ended and Aly was all the way on the other side of the track and she was shrieking something at the top of her lungs. I thought she was hurt so I grabbed J and ran towards Aly. Then I could make out what she is screaming! :grrr:

    "That's so not fair, J got chips and I didn't and my water is all gone. You are a horrid mom and I hate you!" All the other parents are looking at me like I was scum of the earth. I didn't even get the chance to say that there was a bag of chips in the car waiting for her along with a cold bottle of water.

    I got over the parents being there and calmly told Aly that she had really made a poor choice in screaming at me without asking if there were more chips, politely, respectfully. She was still in flip out mode so I just took J's hand and started for the car.

    Aly goes on to say how awful her life is. No one loves her, she has NO friends, I love J more than her, blah blah blah. I just calmly ask her to get in the car and buckle up.

    I really wanted to turn around and pop her a good one, but stayed calm all the way home with her screaming for the blasted chips. I took J into the house and just let Aly scream in the car (she could get out if she wanted, she chose to stay in the car. I got her night medications out, her pj's, got the shower ready for her and asked her politely to get out of the car and into the shower and get ready for bed. She again flipped out "no fair, hate my life, blah blah blah". I reassured her that I loved her and that when she calms down we can have some snuggle/story time before bed.

    She refused to shower, I ignored that and just had her take her medications and put on pj's. husband got home about then and I tried to get him up to speed on how "wonderful" our evening was going. She screams to husband that her life is no fun at all and that it is so not fair that she has to go to bed so early.

    I calmly state that I will not put up with her rudeness and disrespectfulness any more and that was that. I did let her lie on the couch for a little while before putting her to bed.

    This morning she was calmer, apologized for being rude, but in the next breath wanted the stupid chips. I said it made me feel sad that I was going to have to say NO, that all this is NOT about the chips but about her being so rude to me.

    Today, now that I am sitting here alone, I am feeling guilty that it got to that point last night. But, I still stand strong with my choice of expecting respect from my child, it is the second rule in this house, just under NO VIOLENCE OF ANY KIND.

    husband said he probably would have given her the chips, just to avoid a further scene. But he wasn't at the track, having her attack him with words without being given a chance to tell her her stuff was in the car.

    Sorry this is so long. It is so beyond chips, this is something we have struggled with Aly forever, her sense of entitlement and disrespect.

    Thanks for listening.
    Vickie </span> </span>
  2. Crazy-Steph

    Crazy-Steph New Member

    Well, I must say that you did better than me. I probably would have turned around and popped her; then regreted it later. But you stayed calm and enforced your right to respect from a 9 year old. I say good for you. I think you handled it great!
  3. Just keep swimming

    Just keep swimming New Member


    Thanks for the encouraging reply. I really think it was my Xanax that helped me to remain calm!! :smile:

  4. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member


    I'm with Steph. I think you handled it great. It is amazing what Xanax can do :smile: :smile: :smile:

  5. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Arghhhhhhhhh...dont you just hate the way they can be so bratty?

    These are the times that I just have a problem with saying that everything is all "disorder" and that they cant control some of their actions. I am sure that if you had handed her that bag of chips she would have been all sunshine and light. Hmmm. That spells pure manipulation to me which ticks me off. Of course I could be wrong and I could just be so ticked off at my son that I have no patience anymore.

    I think you did well.
  6. Just keep swimming

    Just keep swimming New Member


    Thank you and I agree with you. Aly is the master manipulator!

  7. Booklady Clara

    Booklady Clara New Member

    You did great!!! I've had these encounters and sometimes I do okay, sometimes not. Sometimes it's okay to give 'em the "chips" and sometimes it's not. I guess that about sums up what we all do day in and day out.
    Good Job!!!
  8. Crazy-Steph

    Crazy-Steph New Member

    I may have to look into that Xanax! I swear there are days that my kids look at me like I have two kids. Of course this usually after a confrontation with difficult child.
  9. --Eleanor--

    --Eleanor-- New Member

    That sounds to me like one of those "no-win" situations as far as the parents of the other kids looking on at the track. They may look at you funny when your child is screaming about not getting chips, but they would look even more appalled, I guarantee you, if you had caved on the spot and given her the chips she was screaming about!

    You handled it pretty much the same way I try to handle public tantrums with my son: Leave ASAP, and make sure that the tantrum is not "rewarded."
  10. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I think you handled it wonderfully. Much better than I would have. I would have had a very hard time maintaining my calm in the face of that.

    By the way, had I been one of the other parents, I wouldn't have thought anything ill or negative. I would have felt sympathy for you. All parents face things like this from their child at some point or another. Our difficult child's just have more experience. :smile:
  11. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    I know today you are feeling bad, but at what point yesterday could you have given her those chips? She never came up for air. If at some point she had calmed down, you could have told her that you had refreshments for her.

    I very well may have given her a faceful of chips in the car, had it been me...I think you did just fine.
  12. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    BBK...lmao...on the face full of chips.

    See...I would have been more apt to have taken the bag and stomped all over it in the parking lot and then thrown it at her and said "there are your @$%$ chips!" LMAO.

    I never said I was subtle.
  13. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat


    "HERE! (stomp stomp) HERE (stomp) are your (stomp) chips!!"
  14. Just keep swimming

    Just keep swimming New Member

    Great ideas, ladies! If only I could rewind the day, LOL!!

    She just got home from school and you guessed it, she asked for chips the second she walked in the door.

    I totally ignored her. I am afraid I will do more than stomp on the chips!!

  15. pinevalley

    pinevalley Member

    I love the idea of stomping on the chips! That is probably exactly what I would have done in your situation! I am so amazed that you were able to stay calm when your difficult child was screaming. You handled it exactly the right way!
  16. Stella Johnson

    Stella Johnson Active Member

    You stayed calmer than I would have. I agree, no chips not even today after all that. Probably no chips for a month. :nonono:

    I know what you mean about the sense of entitlement. My difficult child has it as well. I battle it daily.

  17. ALogan3

    ALogan3 New Member

    <span style="color: #3333FF"> </span> GREAT JOB Mom!!
    Our kids are such a handfull!!

    And Xanax does wonders for our nerves!!


  18. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    Vickie you would second guess yourself why??????? You did good! :warrior: :flower: