Second suspension close to quitting

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by ahhhlife, Oct 20, 2007.

  1. ahhhlife

    ahhhlife New Member

    My son who is 16 and a sophomore has been suspended twice in the last month both for 3 days. He has a teacher with no patience who he doesnt like who he also had two years ago who is also the only resource room teacher. First time was for bringing a empty can to homeroom and he was asked to take it to his locker he thought it would be better to keep it on his desk till the bell rang. This did not go over good and he became rude to the teacher. Second time this past week he was asked to sit in a certain seat and he slid the chair a little further down the desk to sit she didnt like it. He became rude and angry to her. He hasnt been doing much for school work either. He reads and writes at a 3rd and 4th grade level. He refuses to see his doctor does not want any medication (I am also not to crazy about medicating we tried strattera he couldnt swallow them and they made him sleep all the time and he didnt eat) The special education director keeps bringing up that he needs to see a doctor because he escalates so quickly. I feel that I am to blame because I have spoiled him. We ground him and take away the things he loves to do. But he doesnt care. I dont know what to do he is able to send in for his driving test but we have been holding off untill things change. Just praying that next week is better. How do you make a teenager want to go to school and put in some effort we dont expect A's just passing and some respect to the teachers.
     
  2. meowbunny

    meowbunny New Member

    Hi and welcome. It is hard at that age. Since he wants to drive, I would make grades a condition of getting a learner's permit/license. It does make a difference for insurance (a B average gives a hefty discount). That may be the only tool you have.

    As to blaming yourself, stop that now. No parent is perfect. We've all made mistakes in the past. Spoiling your child is not the worst thing you could have done. What makes it difficult is now you need to start putting your foot down and being consistent. If you say it is, that is the way it has to be.

    Is there any way to get him out of this teacher's hair? It sounds like oil and water. It also sounds like the school is using any excuse to suspend him. Neither of those acts seem extreme enough for suspending a student. Go to our Special Education forum. You'll get a lot of help there.

    Weekends are slow, so be patient if you don't get a lot of responses right away.
     
  3. NOLA

    NOLA New Member

    Hi - Just wanted to let you know you are not alone. I'm relatively new to this site and typically read the Teens & Substance Abuse forum but I'm branching out tonight:) You will no doubt get some good advice - the parents that have responded to me have helped me cope a great deal with our on-going problems.

    My son is 16 and has runaway & dropped out of school (he never liked school either) but he also got involved with drugs and basically thinks he's an adult!! We tried the grounding and all that good stuff but it NEVER mattered - there was absolutely nothing we could do to motivate him to reach his potential. The one thing I would offer is for you to definatley have him evaluated thoroughly, even if you have to drag him there(assuming that hasn't been done in a while) for you and your husband to know exactly what the latest issues are. You didn't mention if he's tried other medication and/or therapy, I was just wondering. We tried just about all of the ADD medications and our son did well on Adderall XR but by that time he was already completely turned off to school.

    How does he behave at home and with friends? I'm sure the others will want to know - hang in there and know you have found a good reference tool in this site and some really caring people.

    ps - I'm in a relativey good mood right now because my wayward son just called home :smile:
     
  4. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Hi. I know things are hard for you right now. It sounds like the teacher is a bad fit for him. And he for her. I wonder what else is going on at school that they don't tell you about, and/or how extreme his reactions to her were? NOT that it matters to us, but thinking on that may give you some insight into what is going on.

    Definitely check out the Special Education forum. They can give you a LOT of help.

    As far as driving, he may be able to send in for the test, but who is going to sign for him to take it? Do you really want him on YOUR insurance? How is he going to pay for the insurance and driver's ed and gas, etc...? You may be able to use this as your carrot and/or stick to get him to do things.

    Evaluations and doctors are NOT punishments. They are ways to help you learn to cope. We all have to cope to some extent. That is the world. Our job as moms is to find out how to help our children learn to cope as best they can. Not to cope for them, to be their punching bags when they are frustrated (literal or figurative punching bags).

    You have very little time to get him evaluated by docs. At 18, soemtimes before, you are powerless over them. Then they turn to drugs to help. VERY frequently.

    Can you tell us who evaluated him? what kinds of doctors have you seen? Has he tried any medications other than strattera?

    Does he have problems swallowing other medications? Can you get him to learn to swallow with m&m's? NOT because I am saying "your kid needs medications no matter what" but because at some point he is probably going to have to take an aspirin or a tylenol or medication for some other condition. Many of us use m&m's or red hots or whatever the kid likes to teach this skill.

    Has he had appropriate help for his specific lds?? Speech therapy??

    Does he have friends? Ones you like or ones you don't?

    Sorry I am full of questions. There is help for y'all. But more info is often helpful.

    by the way, if strattera made him sleepy did anyone suggest adderal or ritalin to try??? usually they start with the regular,non-time release kind, and they are very small. It would be rare for him to sleepwith these, and he might be amazed at the results.

    Is he seeing a therapist, like a psychologist or social worker or anyone about the anger? EVERYONE needs anger management. Some need special classes, some learn as kids (not sure how, but some just do) some learn by reading books or whatever. But we all get angry and we all have to handle it. Learning to handle it without bringing negative results is what many of us have trouble with.

    Do not feel bad, my bro didn't begin to learn to handle his anger until he was a few years shy of 40 with a wife and baby daughter. NOT that my folks didn't do everything they could. HE had to want to do it.

    HAve a good night, sorry about typos. I am having trouble with my hands.

    Hugs,

    Susie
     
  5. ahhhlife

    ahhhlife New Member

    Thank You for all the advice and replys. It started around 3rd grade he was fidgety wasnt paying much attetion. His father and I didnt want to put him on medication figured he was just being a boy. His teacher mention adhd but we never looked into it. He has always had friends and will be very good if he likes you. In seventh grade I homeschooled he was always getting teased by other kids about his stuttering he had speech therepy up until 6th grade. When he went back to school in 8th grade because he missed his friends he had grown to be one of the tallest and the second day of a student started in on his speech and he slugged him. I dont think there has been much teasing since that day. He also was suspended for that. By 8th grade with this teacher he has now pushing it we had our primary care physician see him and ask him questions he said he couldnt focus so we tried strattera she thought it would be best with his speech. Which is so much better now does act up when he gets upset. We thought the strattera was helping at first untill the sleeping and not eating and not able to swallow to the point of vomiting. He had a chance to go to the votech school early but he didnt want to this year new school didnt know anyone we were very dissapointed. He wants to go next year with his friends. I like his friends and I dont believe any are doing drugs. He loves to skateboard and is very good at it. I take him 40 minutes away to skate at a indoor park at the ymca so we use that alot so he will be good. He may agree to talk to the social worker at school she is real nice. In his last iep they were going to let him do his work in the library he would be on his own more without the help he needs but he said he didnt have a problem with this teacher. So we were giving it another try. After the last suspension when his Dad picked him up they mention the alternative class my difficult child didnt want to do that either doesnt feel he belongs in that class. I feel the school is trying to make him happy but he isnt very cooperative. Sorry so long but I really needed to vent so glad I have found this board. Oh one more thing his VP is pushing the ODD asking him if he has been tested. He gets angry but not violent just loud and and rude and defiant. And he refuses to do his work most days.
     
  6. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Sounds a lot like my difficult child. I would for sure try another medication for ADHD. Seriously, he may be surprised at how much it helps. When my difficult child does not take hers - I usually get a call from school. She is much more likely to be impulsive and go off on a teacher without the medications.
     
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