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Seeking advice on sorting out marriage - stay or go
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<blockquote data-quote="mstang67chic" data-source="post: 279904" data-attributes="member: 2459"><p>You know, growing up, there were many times I told my mom that we should just go. Her and my dad (step dad, adopted me but usually referred to step when I tell stories because I still see my bio dad and talk about him. confused yet? LOL) would have horrible, drunken fights and he was physically abusive to her. They actually did split a couple of times but got back together both times. Sober he was always a good guy. Kind of strict but a good guy. He worked hard, took care of us, helped his friends, took care of his mother, taught me a lot, had his hobbies and interests, etc. Once he got to a certain degree of drunk and/or high though....you just stayed the hell out of his way. He has since quit drinking and as I used to joke, totally messed up my attitude. Their marriage is now the way it should be although their health issues put a lot of constraints on things. </p><p></p><p>My point is, I think kids are smarter than we give them credit for at times. They know when things aren't good even when it's not the very obvious like my childhood. But as Recoveringdoormat said, that doesn't mean the kids will be fine with it either. Logically they may know or get somehow that a divorce is for the best but emotionally it's still hard. </p><p></p><p>I agree with the others. I think you need to make a pro/con list and do some hard thinking. What would you do if it was just you and no kids to think of? You know your kids, how do you think staying or leaving will affect them? Are you prepared to deal with the affects of whatever you decide? Of course there are also the finacial aspects. Would you be able to afford a reasonable place to live, normal expenses, insurance, etc.</p><p></p><p>You've obviously put work into your marriage and have tried your best. This may not be the answer you're looking for but you have to decide if it's worth staying with someone who, at least at this point, has no interest in putting in the effort of working on his marriage or being more active in his kids lives. My husband isn't always as involved as he would like because of his schedule but he wants to be. I don't know what I would do if he didn't have that desire.</p><p></p><p>I hate to say good luck because it somehow doesn't sound right but that's all I have. Post again though if you need to talk things out. We can't make the decision for you but we can at least listen and offer support.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="mstang67chic, post: 279904, member: 2459"] You know, growing up, there were many times I told my mom that we should just go. Her and my dad (step dad, adopted me but usually referred to step when I tell stories because I still see my bio dad and talk about him. confused yet? LOL) would have horrible, drunken fights and he was physically abusive to her. They actually did split a couple of times but got back together both times. Sober he was always a good guy. Kind of strict but a good guy. He worked hard, took care of us, helped his friends, took care of his mother, taught me a lot, had his hobbies and interests, etc. Once he got to a certain degree of drunk and/or high though....you just stayed the hell out of his way. He has since quit drinking and as I used to joke, totally messed up my attitude. Their marriage is now the way it should be although their health issues put a lot of constraints on things. My point is, I think kids are smarter than we give them credit for at times. They know when things aren't good even when it's not the very obvious like my childhood. But as Recoveringdoormat said, that doesn't mean the kids will be fine with it either. Logically they may know or get somehow that a divorce is for the best but emotionally it's still hard. I agree with the others. I think you need to make a pro/con list and do some hard thinking. What would you do if it was just you and no kids to think of? You know your kids, how do you think staying or leaving will affect them? Are you prepared to deal with the affects of whatever you decide? Of course there are also the finacial aspects. Would you be able to afford a reasonable place to live, normal expenses, insurance, etc. You've obviously put work into your marriage and have tried your best. This may not be the answer you're looking for but you have to decide if it's worth staying with someone who, at least at this point, has no interest in putting in the effort of working on his marriage or being more active in his kids lives. My husband isn't always as involved as he would like because of his schedule but he wants to be. I don't know what I would do if he didn't have that desire. I hate to say good luck because it somehow doesn't sound right but that's all I have. Post again though if you need to talk things out. We can't make the decision for you but we can at least listen and offer support. [/QUOTE]
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