Sending son to rehab and then boarding school

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by enzo, Feb 16, 2012.

  1. enzo

    enzo Member

    Very sad for us. difficult child has been going downhill at 80 mph(barely D's, cutting classes to get high with dangerous friends, buying pot from anyone and everyone) and aggressive towards us, amongst other things..We're not going to let him go down the tubes. We check him into a 30 day inpatient and transitional program, and then if all goes well, to a character intensive boarding school.

    We know its the right thing for him..just the realization that home life wont be the same, he is a good person and we'll miss the good parts of having him around..
    Last edited: Feb 17, 2012
  2. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    It sounds like a good plan. It's good that you are taking these steps now while he is still young enough where you have a say and he can change the negative patterns in his life. Those dangerous friends just get more dangerous as they get older, take it from one who knows.

  3. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    I hope he realizes how much you love him. And, that he does well in rehab and the boarding school. You are very lucky that you have found a place for him.
  4. Bunny

    Bunny Guest

    I'm sorry that you have to make this choice, but if this is what you truly think is best for him then you made the right decision. I hope that he realizes the opportunity he's being offered and takes the help that is being provided to him. Good luck to you and to him.
  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Absolutely. He'll be miserable for now, but if you continue to guide him like this, he'll make it through. Many hugs and lots of support. No one said it would be easy, but it will be worth it!
  6. Nomad

    Nomad Guest

    You made the right choice.
    If you are not doing so already, you might want to get therapy for yourself and also at least short term couples therapy with your spouse prior to your son's return.
    It is very sad, but the decision brings much hope for a bright/happy future.
  7. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Good job. Really hard decision but you really had to keep him safe since he wouldn't keep himself safe. You will feel really bad for the first week or two. The pain will ease as you see him get healthy, brighten in the face and resemble the kid you use to have. He will try to manipulate you into getting him out or not sending him to the boarding school-that is the usual path. Don't buy into it-30 days will not fix problems this deep.

    Wishing you the best and hoping difficult child does well. :)
  8. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I have my fingers crossed and my warmest thoughts in transit. You have a plan that I'm sure was well thought out and based on love. Here's hoping that your son will find a healthier track for his life. I am sending supportive hugs your way. DDD
  9. Kathy813

    Kathy813 Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I wish that we had taken similar actions when our difficult child was young. I think you are doing the right thing to get him away and keep him away from the destructive friends.
  10. enzo

    enzo Member

    We did it! Was not easy as we waited til this morning to tell him where he was going (today). He got in the car and the verbal abuse and threats were horrific. We pulled up to the emergency room and asked if he'd rather check in here where he'd be restrained and held overnite.. or drive to the nice country estate rehab where he can voluntarily walk in without restraints. Surprisingly, he actually made a good decision to voluntarily check in at the latter, and while he sent us away with a final F-bomb, at least we checked him in without incident. Whew! Now comes the hard part..
  11. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    Good for you. It is so hard following through at times. I am glad that he went voluntarily, even with the F-bomb thrown at you. I hope that the rest of your family can take this time to heal, and find some peace that I am sure is well deserved. And, you know that he is safe. That was such a calm for me, knowing that my difficult child was safe.
  12. buddy

    buddy New Member

    Really wishing you the best. I think right now, this blessed difficult child has NO IDEA how lucky he is to have you guys as his parents but some day I suspect he will get it (maybe when he is sporting a teen or difficult child of his own?)....and your other kids will learn so much from how you are handling all of this too. I know from many experiences that it is hard to stay positive and mature when your child is swearing at you but you made it! And underneath this all, your difficult child showed he has some good decision making powers and that the kid you gave a good solid base to is in there somewhere. I hope his journey is productive and leads him on a path to reaching his potential. I am sure it wont be easy, but most things truly worthwhile are not.
  13. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    Good for you! Ours was taken to first Residential Treatment Center (RTC) by great big guys. She glared at me and told me she hated me. I knew she didn't. At the moment it was what she was feeling. It all mellowed. She actually became quite wonderful for a time. I had great hopes. Hang in there, you are doing great.
  14. StressedM0mma

    StressedM0mma Active Member

    Exhausted is right. When we were admitting difficult child to the psychiatric hospital, the social worker warned me that difficult child would "hate me forever." But that it was OK, because the opposite of love is not hate, it is apathy.
  15. pamelabs1

    pamelabs1 New Member

    We are making a similar decision. My difficult child will go on Wednsday to residential treatment. WIshing you the best...
  16. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    You have completely done the right thing here, and your difficult child is truly blessed. Please do NOT buy into the "he will hate me forever" koi. He won't. We went through very hard times with my difficult child and he truly understands that all of the decisions were made to ensure the best possible future for ALL of our children. He does NOT hate us. My brother "hated" my parents for not bailing him out of jail and then for insisting that rehab was the ONLY way they would help him with his legal problems. By the time his 30 days were up he was truly grateful for those 2 weeks in jail and for the rehab and the chance to have his felonies expunged if he could stay sober and out of trouble for a period of years. Why grateful for jail? Because it helped him to see where he would be if he didn't grab onto this chance at rehab and cling to it like tick on a dog's neck.

    Please take this time to get help and some treatment for yourself and your husband and your other child. PLEASE go to some alanon meetings or narcanon meetings. Addiction is a family disease and if a member is using then ALL members need help. An addict who's family gets help and treatment has a 30% greater chance at staying sober vs an addict who's family does not get help. If your son needed you to go to a meeting for an hour once a week to get an A rather than a D, woud you do it? This is what going to meetings and getting some help will do for your child.

    You have given your son a wonderful gift by sending him to rehab and boarding school. I hope he can recognize it and grasp it and use it!
  17. rejectedmom

    rejectedmom New Member

    So glad he is getting treatment and follow up. I hope this is the beginning of a better life path for him. Kudos to you and your husband for hanging tough and doing what had to be done.
  18. Awww....good job. Hopefully, he will one day look back on it as "that time my parents saved my :censored2:" and realize how much you loved him to have done it. : )
  19. enzo

    enzo Member

    update: so far so good, psychiatrists added risperidone to his lexapro and he seems to be doing well. He agreed to "buy in" for the 28 day program but of course would come home in a heartbeat. He tells us he's learned his lesson, doesnt belong in an environment with cutters etc, and would be fine at home (not going to happen) and I are hanging tough and continue to talk ourselves into knowing we've done the right thing, and that bringing him home would be a huge mistake. We've gotten alot accomplished, and need to stay on the primary objective. Iron will. It hurts now, but we know that it will get better as we see him get back on his feet.