Sensitive issue....

Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by timer lady, Sep 5, 2007.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    As many of you know, the year 2007 hasn't been the best for the tweedle household.

    My ongoing illness of the past few months has been draining for me in all areas of my life. My family, while pulling together & pitching in, are struggling to cope with the incredibly swift change in my body & my abilities. Worst, is that we don't know the prognosis or the length of rehab & recovery time.

    kt, while pulling it together & showing signs of maturity, is slowing melting into a huge mud puddle of reative emotionality. husband is doing his best - yet he's almost as reactive & anxious as kt at this point.

    I nap on a regular & work on pain management. No matther the end results if I don't get the pain under control, I'm toast.

    Having said the above, I approached husband tonight & told him I couldn't handle the tweedles anymore. That my body is definitely telling me something after 7 years of trying every possible thing we can come up with & others that are off the top of my head. I told husband that I wanted to move kt to a group home, not unlike wm's.

    husband fell apart; we have a lot of years invested in these children & love them dearly. However, kt is beginning to step over the line with physical aggression. I'm in no way able to handle this level of aggression & anger.

    I need to contact my counsellor & see if we can meet at some other office - his office is in a historical bdlg & has no elevator. I cannot climb his stairs.

    Whatever I end up doing (or rather husband & I decide) you can be assured it will be a well thought out & considerate plan.

    I could use a bit of prayer as the doctors try to figure out just what is going on in my body; husband & I as a couple & as parents could use prayer regarding my children.
     
  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    (((Linda)))
    I simply cannot imagine being in your position. Anyone that has read your posts as long as I have understands just how much you love kt & wm. But they would also know the extreme physical trauma your body has taken these last few years. I can understand how you could no longer feel up to day-to-day parenting of such a challenging child.
    I'm so sorry you have found yourself in this position. I'll hold you & your family in my prayers.
     
  3. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    You were talking about putting kt into respite - would that buy you some time? Also, as she gets older and less needy, plus as you either recover, or adapt (or both) your needs will decrease, as will hers - maybe you could muddle through, with time and more support in between.

    You have every reason to need respite for kt.

    Another thought - what would happen if YOU went into hospital, or respite? How would things run at home? Who would step up to the plate? Would things run smoothly, or would there be utter chaos, or would there be a period of chaos until things finally got stabilised?

    It is something to consider.

    On thing that really worries me, always - is this feeling of always needing to be available, to be on deck and making sure things run smoothly at home. I hate feeling indispensible, I'd prefer to know that my family could keep things working even if they had to manage without me being physically there.

    You are very right in that this has been a bad year. But it's only this year - who knows what next year will bring? It's highly likely that next year will bring some level of recovery for you. Things should begin to look up. In the meantime, you need time and stability, to speed up the process (or at least, not hinder it).

    You've raised the subject with husband - I think that was very necessary. Now let him think about it. See what he comes up with. he might surprise you.

    I hope so.

    Marg
     
  4. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Linda,

    I am at a loss for words. It's hard for me to even imagine contemplating the removal of another child.

    Please know that I offer my prayers of support, stength, and wisdom in the decision making process. You and your family are never far from my thoughts and have remained a constant on my prayer list for years.

    Hugs,
    Sharon
     
  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Linda,
    You are also on my daily prayer list and I do think of you daily. I know this has to be so hard to be thinking of having to go this route. You have my continued prayers and support. ((((Hugs)))
     
  6. AllStressedOut

    AllStressedOut New Member

    I'm so sorry Linda. I can't imagine how this felt for you to come to this decision and present it to husband. Everything will work out the way it is intended to. If this means KT needs to go to a group home, then this is truly what was meant to be. I'll keep you and your family in my prayers. (((hugs)))
     
  7. Lothlorien

    Lothlorien Active Member Staff Member

    Linda, I'm so sorry that your body is just betraying you. I'm sure your plans will be well thought out and in kt's best interests. It must have taken an awful lot for you to come to these terms. You've invested so much into them.

    I do hope the doctors can figure out what's going on and you can find a way to get better. Perhaps doing this for kt will also help you to overcome what your body is going through.
     
  8. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Linda, do you think kt is acting out due to your illness? Could it be her worries about you?
     
  9. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Oh, HONEY...

    I have no words. Everyone knows that you have done your best and then some, and then even more. Nope, I cannot come up with even one word of comfort. Just know that you will get extra prayers, and so will those kids and husband.

    Behind you with love, strength and support no matter what.
     
  10. Penta

    Penta New Member

    I can imagine how painful this decision will be for you and your family. However, I admire your strength to know the limits of your capabilities, considering your health and the year you have had.

    Your love for kt and wm is ever lasting. They will know your love whether they live at home or away. Sometimes, the best thing we do is not what we want to do, but is what saves everyone in the end.

    Many good thoughts coming your way.
     
  11. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Oh, Linda, I am so sorry that it has come to this. I hope that you and husband are able to find a solution that is best for all of you.
     
  12. WhymeMom?

    WhymeMom? No real answers to life..

    Thinking of you and your family....sending peace, strength, and wisdom for the path that lies ahead....
     
  13. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Oh, Linda. Major, major hugs and strength for you and your husband.
     
  14. KFld

    KFld New Member

    You are in my thoughts and prayers.
     
  15. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Wow, I also am at a loss for words as well. I cannot imagine the pain, both physical and mental you are in. I am so sorry. You will definitely be in my prayers and thoughts, during this terribly difficult time.

    I do agree with Marg, that maybe you could pursue some more creative options to buy yourself some time until the decision can be thoroughly and completely thought through ~ especially since steroids can affect the mind and thinking in such drastic and negative ways.

    Sending many, many hugs.
     
  16. Star*

    Star* call 911........call 911

    Linda,

    You will both figure out the best solution for the Tweedles. I recently had to let my son go after years of doing whatever it took because his behavior (which will probably never change) took my health near death. Without him in the home? I'm almost sad to say I'm on the mend and a lot of the health problems I have had are diminishing.

    Nothing anyone could say or do the day the state car took him to his new home made or will make me feel better inside. The death of a dream is harder than we think.

    Hugs And Love
    It will work out
    Star
     
  17. mum2JK&TH

    mum2JK&TH New Member

    Linda, I am so sorry. I cannot imagine how hard this has been for you. You are in my thoughts and in my heart as is husband and kt. You need to make you well again.

    (((HUGS)))
     
  18. Sunlight

    Sunlight Active Member

    I believe in God and his plan. you are part of it and what happens is in his hands.
     
  19. Abbey

    Abbey Spork Queen

    I can emphathize with your situation...although I have no difficult child to lend to a home. I'm just tired of the physical stuff. You are 7 years into this :smile:, I'm only 7 months.

    I wish you the best peace of mind.

    Abbey
     
  20. mrscatinthehat

    mrscatinthehat Seussical

    Thinking of you and your family.

    Beth
     
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