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sensitive question about miscarriages
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 487766" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>Steely, I understand your feelings and recognize that many people feel that way.</p><p></p><p>I handle this more the way Lisa does. I have the right to read any diary, journal, paper, etc... my kids write. They know it and do not argue because they know it is pointless. They also know that for the most part I will NOT read their stuff other than school assignments unless their behavior/choices make me feel there is a serious problem and I can't get the info I need by asking them. If they write something that is very personal and they are not getting into trouble, they can tape pages together and write on the tape that it is private and to ask before I open it. I wouldn't even know it was taped shut unless there was a real problem that needed to be handled and they didn't say anything when I asked them about it. THEN I would go through their stuff - and would feel no shame, etc... for doing it.</p><p></p><p>I think a big part of this not being a big deal for my family is that that kids all know WHY I would read their diary or whatever and they know what to do to not make me feel a need to read their thigns. I do see the growth that can come from writing, but kids are not adults. They need us to supervise and guide them, and sometimes that means reading what they don't want us to. Being a parent isn't about making them happy or being their friend after all. </p><p></p><p>This IS a personal issue and I don't mean to argue with anyone. I think each family has to deal with this in a way that fits their family dynamic and values. I respect Steely's right to not read her child's journal and I hope she respects my feelings with respect to my kids' diaries/etc...</p><p></p><p>For us the big part of this issue was that the kids knew what to expect long before they ever put crayon to paper. They knew how to keep something private and they knew that if they were in trouble then I would look through every facet of their lives to help them - and that I would not do it just to snoop for curiosity.</p><p></p><p>I also agree that if daughter is old enough for bc then she needs the full exam if she hasn't had it. </p><p></p><p>CM - you know your daughter and your family. I do think askng about problems since she has started the pill, talking about the various problems that could happen like pregnancy the first 30 days after she started on it, heavy periods, etc... is a good thing and maybe this isn't the time to mention you read her diary. You will know it if it important to mention it when you talk to her. I would tell her that if she leaves it out in the main part of the house then she can't complain if someone reads it. She has her own room and can leave it there, after all.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 487766, member: 1233"] Steely, I understand your feelings and recognize that many people feel that way. I handle this more the way Lisa does. I have the right to read any diary, journal, paper, etc... my kids write. They know it and do not argue because they know it is pointless. They also know that for the most part I will NOT read their stuff other than school assignments unless their behavior/choices make me feel there is a serious problem and I can't get the info I need by asking them. If they write something that is very personal and they are not getting into trouble, they can tape pages together and write on the tape that it is private and to ask before I open it. I wouldn't even know it was taped shut unless there was a real problem that needed to be handled and they didn't say anything when I asked them about it. THEN I would go through their stuff - and would feel no shame, etc... for doing it. I think a big part of this not being a big deal for my family is that that kids all know WHY I would read their diary or whatever and they know what to do to not make me feel a need to read their thigns. I do see the growth that can come from writing, but kids are not adults. They need us to supervise and guide them, and sometimes that means reading what they don't want us to. Being a parent isn't about making them happy or being their friend after all. This IS a personal issue and I don't mean to argue with anyone. I think each family has to deal with this in a way that fits their family dynamic and values. I respect Steely's right to not read her child's journal and I hope she respects my feelings with respect to my kids' diaries/etc... For us the big part of this issue was that the kids knew what to expect long before they ever put crayon to paper. They knew how to keep something private and they knew that if they were in trouble then I would look through every facet of their lives to help them - and that I would not do it just to snoop for curiosity. I also agree that if daughter is old enough for bc then she needs the full exam if she hasn't had it. CM - you know your daughter and your family. I do think askng about problems since she has started the pill, talking about the various problems that could happen like pregnancy the first 30 days after she started on it, heavy periods, etc... is a good thing and maybe this isn't the time to mention you read her diary. You will know it if it important to mention it when you talk to her. I would tell her that if she leaves it out in the main part of the house then she can't complain if someone reads it. She has her own room and can leave it there, after all. [/QUOTE]
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