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Sent out the Anti-Christmas invite
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<blockquote data-quote="hearts and roses" data-source="post: 325530" data-attributes="member: 2211"><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkorchid">I think she made some points that are valid from her desire of how she wants to celebrate Christmas Day, just as you made your own valid points that stem from your desire to ignore the mass holiday extravaganza. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkorchid">However, she then begins to just babble about how she's not important enough, as if your plans to not make plans <em>that suit her </em>are out of resentment or some evil plan. Ugh.</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: darkorchid">I would just have to let it go. No response is necessary because there is nothing you can say that will make her see your point of view. Be done with it and just do your own thing and let her do her own thing. If she still wants to traipse around to five different families, then let her. But you have your plan and if she wants to include herself, she is welcome to...but you're not changing your plans to accommodate her schedule.</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px">~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~</span></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px">Mom,</span></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px">boyfriend and I are both very much into Christmas and will be spending X-Mas in an X-Mas manner. <span style="color: darkorchid">Those are her feelings - can't negate them.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px">Presents don't really matter. I'm fairly sure I can go back and return them, if not I would still like you to have them. <span style="color: darkorchid">She's trying to manipulate you here - ignore, ignore, ignore - do not run out and buy things just so you can reciprocate. If she truly feels that presents don't matter, then accept them graciously and offer no apologies for not reciprocating!</span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px">Ok, fine, you and Al are making your own plans, but they are not plans that are thoughtful for what anyone else would like to do. It's just what you want to do, and you've invited us to join in for your non-Christmas plans on Christmas day. If boyfriend and I do anything X-Mas morning and day, it will be visiting family that are celebrating. <span style="color: darkorchid">Again, these are her feelings. If she wants to go visit 'celebrating' families, let her. There is definitely some manipulation going on here, but you can ignore it.</span></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"></span></p><p><span style="font-size: 12px">I've been trying to be the planner for holidays for a few seasons now, because if I don't, then non-celebrating happens on your side of things, and what I also preceive as resentment for my not doing more to try and include you in what I do end up doing. I think it's not always fair for me to have to plan things, and have everyone else (Brian's family and my family) drive out to our place, for the most part, so that I can make sure that your included, because you guys are done celabrating (hosting) holidays. <span style="color: darkorchid">It sounds like she believes your plans to NOT plan anything special for Christmas are out resentment. Is there any truth to this at all? If not, let this go - not worth responding to because her response is that she believes she knows what's going on inside your head; knows what you're thinking and feeling without truly listening to anything you've said or how you truly feel. I suppose you could come back with something about friends listen to their friends so they may better understand them and how they feel, rather than trying to change their minds and change how they feel. </span></span></p><p> </p><p><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #9932cc">God, she sounds so much like my loco sister, reading her note made me cringe. </span></span><span style="font-size: 12px"><span style="color: #9932cc">Hugs, Witz. Back and forth communication will only make things worse - probably best to leave it now.</span></span></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="hearts and roses, post: 325530, member: 2211"] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkorchid]I think she made some points that are valid from her desire of how she wants to celebrate Christmas Day, just as you made your own valid points that stem from your desire to ignore the mass holiday extravaganza. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkorchid][/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkorchid]However, she then begins to just babble about how she's not important enough, as if your plans to not make plans [I]that suit her [/I]are out of resentment or some evil plan. Ugh.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkorchid][/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=darkorchid]I would just have to let it go. No response is necessary because there is nothing you can say that will make her see your point of view. Be done with it and just do your own thing and let her do her own thing. If she still wants to traipse around to five different families, then let her. But you have your plan and if she wants to include herself, she is welcome to...but you're not changing your plans to accommodate her schedule.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][/SIZE] [SIZE=3]~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~[/SIZE] [SIZE=3]Mom, boyfriend and I are both very much into Christmas and will be spending X-Mas in an X-Mas manner. [COLOR=darkorchid]Those are her feelings - can't negate them.[/COLOR] Presents don't really matter. I'm fairly sure I can go back and return them, if not I would still like you to have them. [COLOR=darkorchid]She's trying to manipulate you here - ignore, ignore, ignore - do not run out and buy things just so you can reciprocate. If she truly feels that presents don't matter, then accept them graciously and offer no apologies for not reciprocating![/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][/SIZE] [SIZE=3]Ok, fine, you and Al are making your own plans, but they are not plans that are thoughtful for what anyone else would like to do. It's just what you want to do, and you've invited us to join in for your non-Christmas plans on Christmas day. If boyfriend and I do anything X-Mas morning and day, it will be visiting family that are celebrating. [COLOR=darkorchid]Again, these are her feelings. If she wants to go visit 'celebrating' families, let her. There is definitely some manipulation going on here, but you can ignore it.[/COLOR] I've been trying to be the planner for holidays for a few seasons now, because if I don't, then non-celebrating happens on your side of things, and what I also preceive as resentment for my not doing more to try and include you in what I do end up doing. I think it's not always fair for me to have to plan things, and have everyone else (Brian's family and my family) drive out to our place, for the most part, so that I can make sure that your included, because you guys are done celabrating (hosting) holidays. [COLOR=darkorchid]It sounds like she believes your plans to NOT plan anything special for Christmas are out resentment. Is there any truth to this at all? If not, let this go - not worth responding to because her response is that she believes she knows what's going on inside your head; knows what you're thinking and feeling without truly listening to anything you've said or how you truly feel. I suppose you could come back with something about friends listen to their friends so they may better understand them and how they feel, rather than trying to change their minds and change how they feel. [/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=#9932cc][/COLOR][/SIZE] [SIZE=3][COLOR=#9932cc]God, she sounds so much like my loco sister, reading her note made me cringe. [/COLOR][/SIZE][SIZE=3][COLOR=#9932cc]Hugs, Witz. Back and forth communication will only make things worse - probably best to leave it now.[/COLOR][/SIZE] [/QUOTE]
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