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Serious help needed!18 yr old, now what?
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<blockquote data-quote="Nomad" data-source="post: 297842"><p>I'm so very sorry.</p><p> </p><p>A couple of things that might not make a lot of sense at the moment....</p><p> </p><p>Try not to go into the mode too often or too quickly that "this is not worth the effort."</p><p> </p><p> </p><p>Of course, with your husband gone for 7 days (are these really long hours or far away?) you might not have good support for long periods of time, making things really rough. There could be times that you will have to out of self preservation.</p><p> </p><p>Try your best to detach emotionally. There is a good book called Boundaries...the author's last name is Cloud. Detachment is vital.</p><p> </p><p>We all need to parent with control and limits (boundaries). We can show our children that we care for them as human beings unconditionally. However, as hard as this is to bare, love is a verb. It requires action. This goes for everyone...even children. It is not unconditional. Children get much more leeway from their parents. It is a gift. However, it does have its limits.</p><p> </p><p>Your child is in control of his choices no matter what he feels. He should not let his life be controlled by out of control emotions.</p><p> </p><p>Likewise, you can control your emotions. Sure, this feels crummy. You can detach.</p><p> </p><p>Set up a boundary...one that really should have been there in the first place. Especially now at age 18, the boundary must be there.</p><p> </p><p>Your son is 18....he is out of control. He needs to feel the consequences to his inappropriate behaviors. Let him feel them. You might help him here and there, especially if he makes an appropriate request, but that's about it. Additionally, it seems like a very good idea to help him with medical needs.</p><p> </p><p>You can do your best not to sympathize for him. You might empathize that he has these problems...that is all. Understand that he is in a bad place psychologically. Offer him medical care. But <strong>still</strong> lay down the rules. </p><p> </p><p>If he has bipolar illness (and it certainly sounds like he might), this is a permanet situation. He will have to get very use to seeing a physician regularly, seeing a therapist often and using his own techniques to monitoring his emotions. This requires effort/action. He might as well start now. Additionally, you might as well NOT be in the cross fire...get out of this cross fire asap...refuse to be in it.</p><p> </p><p>Please do your best to enjoy your husband and other children in the house, You deserve personally to feel happiness despite this difficult situation with your son and the rest of your family deserves it too.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Nomad, post: 297842"] I'm so very sorry. A couple of things that might not make a lot of sense at the moment.... Try not to go into the mode too often or too quickly that "this is not worth the effort." Of course, with your husband gone for 7 days (are these really long hours or far away?) you might not have good support for long periods of time, making things really rough. There could be times that you will have to out of self preservation. Try your best to detach emotionally. There is a good book called Boundaries...the author's last name is Cloud. Detachment is vital. We all need to parent with control and limits (boundaries). We can show our children that we care for them as human beings unconditionally. However, as hard as this is to bare, love is a verb. It requires action. This goes for everyone...even children. It is not unconditional. Children get much more leeway from their parents. It is a gift. However, it does have its limits. Your child is in control of his choices no matter what he feels. He should not let his life be controlled by out of control emotions. Likewise, you can control your emotions. Sure, this feels crummy. You can detach. Set up a boundary...one that really should have been there in the first place. Especially now at age 18, the boundary must be there. Your son is 18....he is out of control. He needs to feel the consequences to his inappropriate behaviors. Let him feel them. You might help him here and there, especially if he makes an appropriate request, but that's about it. Additionally, it seems like a very good idea to help him with medical needs. You can do your best not to sympathize for him. You might empathize that he has these problems...that is all. Understand that he is in a bad place psychologically. Offer him medical care. But [B]still[/B] lay down the rules. If he has bipolar illness (and it certainly sounds like he might), this is a permanet situation. He will have to get very use to seeing a physician regularly, seeing a therapist often and using his own techniques to monitoring his emotions. This requires effort/action. He might as well start now. Additionally, you might as well NOT be in the cross fire...get out of this cross fire asap...refuse to be in it. Please do your best to enjoy your husband and other children in the house, You deserve personally to feel happiness despite this difficult situation with your son and the rest of your family deserves it too. [/QUOTE]
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Serious help needed!18 yr old, now what?
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