Serious help needed! 18yo, now what?

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by insanemomoffour, Aug 14, 2009.

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  1. insanemomoffour

    insanemomoffour New Member

    Serious help needed!18 yr old, now what?


    I am sooooo tired of being a mother to my 18yo. I know by the time you are done reading this you will think I am a horrible person. But I am sitting her crying and don't know what to do. The most obvious would be to just tell him to leave. 1. he has no where to go 2. it will turn into a loud possible violent scene 3. will traumatize the other 3 children in the house further that the last 10 yrs have and 4. give me time, i know there is more.

    My 18 yr old is diagnosis with ADHD/ODD and one psychiatric once said Bipolar. Sometimes when I feel a little leve headed I feel that maybe one side of his brain doesn't fire to the other. He doesn't "get the point", he doesn't see the cause/effect. I have a 2 story house. His room is on the upstrairs level, then there is the main level and a finished basement. The kids are allowed to sleep in the basement during summer, sleep overs and weekends. This child still pees in the bed. I have had him checked out by a multiple doctors and all say it is not a medical issue.

    Husband swears it is laziness. For a long time, I argued this point. Aprox a month ago, we noticed urine around the sump pump drain in the basement which is in the exercise room. Addressed this and of course he didn't do it. Last week my husband noticed that the lid to the water softener tank where the salt is suppose to be (haven't been able to afford salt for it so it has not been in use) is repeatedly off. Husband said it smells like urine. One morning I went in the basement and the lid was off again. And so I said( to all 3 of my boys) I don't know who is peeing in the tank but it is nasty. He quickly said no one is peeing in it, he dumped some juice in it. That is not possible. No juice. So then I explained how that circulates through the house. Oh didn't know that! Ugh!!!!

    He had bought a air pistol(b.b.gun) 2 wks ago. He knows they are not allowed because of horrible accident that happened to me when a child. Lied, showed it to his siblings, shot it with his siblings present....all while lying to his parents about it. He was then confronted and told not allowed and that it had to go or he did. "well, it's not going anywhere". It then was handed over to my husband. Then not even a week later, he bought another one and even took his 10 yo brother with him. He did have a job until 2 wks ago, when he got fired. That gun got returned to the store. So, he disobeyed, disrespected, lied and also influenced his younger brother(whom worships the ground he walks on). What i don't know is how to handle this with out it going all wrong.

    Police at my house has been a horrible issue in years past. My other children have seen husband and son fight, knives pulled from 18 yo. The kids I am sure may suffer from PTSD at some point. I just want to avoid as much as possible.

    please help!
  2. Suz

    Suz (the future) MRS. GERE

    Hi- Since you also posted in the General Forum and people have started to respond there, I'm going to lock this thread and suggest that folks post to you over there. It gets somewhat confusing when parallel threads are going on...

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