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serious problem with 19 y/o difficult child what to do?
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<blockquote data-quote="DammitJanet" data-source="post: 573608" data-attributes="member: 1514"><p>I do realize how very hard this is...no doubt about it. It will be the very hardest thing you have ever done but one thing you have to realize is that you may be saving his life. Even if he goes to jail right now it isnt the end of his life. It may seem to be and he may tell you it is but it isnt. Lots of kids get in trouble when they are young and end up going on to lead very productive lives. If they get their lives sorted out and dont get into anymore trouble most places will expunge records after so long. Remember that. </p><p></p><p>However, if he continues living in your house with all the luxuries of a nice warm bed, clothes on his back, food in his belly, he has no reason to change. He can put up with your yelling at him because he just tunes you out. Kids are good at that. Parents sound like the adults on the Peanut Cartoons. Wawawa. What we say goes in one ear and out the other. They learn nothing from us. Remember how you told him the stove was hot but he kept going back to see if it was still hot? Yeah, mine too. Over and over again. He had to test those limits. </p><p></p><p>He will only learn to take responsibility for his actions when that responsibility falls straight on his shoulders. When he has no one else to blame. When he cant say....but Mom did this, or Dad made me do that, or if they had just let me do XYZ. No, it wont work anymore. He is out and he is responsible for himself now. If he goes cold or hungry because he doesnt pay his bills and would rather smoke pot...so be it. I doubt he will do it twice.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DammitJanet, post: 573608, member: 1514"] I do realize how very hard this is...no doubt about it. It will be the very hardest thing you have ever done but one thing you have to realize is that you may be saving his life. Even if he goes to jail right now it isnt the end of his life. It may seem to be and he may tell you it is but it isnt. Lots of kids get in trouble when they are young and end up going on to lead very productive lives. If they get their lives sorted out and dont get into anymore trouble most places will expunge records after so long. Remember that. However, if he continues living in your house with all the luxuries of a nice warm bed, clothes on his back, food in his belly, he has no reason to change. He can put up with your yelling at him because he just tunes you out. Kids are good at that. Parents sound like the adults on the Peanut Cartoons. Wawawa. What we say goes in one ear and out the other. They learn nothing from us. Remember how you told him the stove was hot but he kept going back to see if it was still hot? Yeah, mine too. Over and over again. He had to test those limits. He will only learn to take responsibility for his actions when that responsibility falls straight on his shoulders. When he has no one else to blame. When he cant say....but Mom did this, or Dad made me do that, or if they had just let me do XYZ. No, it wont work anymore. He is out and he is responsible for himself now. If he goes cold or hungry because he doesnt pay his bills and would rather smoke pot...so be it. I doubt he will do it twice. [/QUOTE]
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serious problem with 19 y/o difficult child what to do?
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