Seriously anxious...

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by timer lady, Jul 16, 2007.

  1. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    ktbug. Ever since I've been in the hospital she's convinced I'm going to die. Admittedly it's been a tough few years around here; yet there is nothing anyone can say that will convince kt that I'm here to stay for a while.

    I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow morning - kt is coming along; dr has agreed to speak with kt & answer any & all questions (within reason) kt may have. My dr feels that we need to bring kt's anxiety level down to help me heal & gain some strength. In the meantime, we're scoping out respite for kt for this coming weekend - get her some kind of break. We may need to utilize some type of emergency shelter if kt's level of anxiety doesn't decrease.

    kt's psychiatrist is willing to increase her PRN for the next couple of weeks - just to get over the hump, if you will.

    I'm sorry I haven't contributed much of late - I've been a bit weak & sleeping a great deal.

    Thanks for the ear.
     
  2. flutterbee

    flutterbee Guest

    I'm sorry kt is struggling through this, but I understand it. It makes it harder on you as you are focusing more on kt and you need to focus on getting better....hard to do when you're a mom. I'm glad your doctor understands this and is willing to talk to kt.

    My difficult child actually did better when I came home from the hospital then before I was admitted. I think because we had answers and that calmed her. Not knowing what was wrong scared her. However, when I had a relapse of mono a few weeks ago and was sleeping again all the time, she became very worried that I was going to end up back in the hospital. After I explained it to her, she was calmer.

    Hopefully, hearing it from the doctor will help to calm kt. I've been keeping you in my thoughts and wish for a speedy recovery.

    (((HUGS)))
     
  3. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Linda

    I'm glad you're resting and taking care of yourself.

    I've been wondering how the tweedles, especially kt, have been dealing with you being sick. It can be difficult for any child. But it can be almost traumatic for a sensitive child.

    I hope the doctor talking with kt will help her to feel less anxious about your illness.

    ((((hugs)))))
     
  4. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    You're doing the right thing, I feel. Not knowing and feeling powerless will only make anxiety worse (Skinner's experiments on stress in rats and electric shocks). With knowledge and understanding, you have more a sense of control. Feeling in control, even if it's an illusion, reduces stress. From your own point of view you probably have felt more positive once you were told your diagnosis and understood what was going to be done, as well as what was likely to happen.

    I remember going through this with easy child, when I first became ill. She also was convinced I was dying and every reassurance from me only convinced her further, because she thought I was hiding 'the truth' from her. She had nightmares, she became difficult, all of it made worse because she felt she couldn't talk to me about it for fear of upsetting me (which she wouldn't have). She finally told me after she'd been worrying for months. I was also angry (not at her, or showing it to her) when she told me she was angry with God because the Sunday School teacher had promised I would be healed if they prayed together for my healing, but God hadn't healed me. She also felt guilty for 'not praying hard enough' and was at the bargaining stage - "Maybe if I promised God I'd try to be more kind to my little sister..."

    You don't want it getting to this stage. I remember I told her that while God answers all prayers, sometimes the answer is "No" or "Not yet". God isn't a magic wishing fairy, subject to our wills.

    Linda, what you've been through is a HUGE scare for a child. (And of course a huge scare for you, too). You are changed - certainly for now. This triggers a grieving process in you - for what you have lost in yourself and your own self-image - as well as in kt's picture of who you are and what you do for her. Suddenly, she is vulnerable again - what will happen to her if you can no longer look after her? She NEEDS you, physically and emotionally.
    But part of her grieving process is going to be guilt, at grieving when you are still here. Then it builds into a whole negative spiral.
    You will recover and as you do, the picture will change again. The uncertainty is going to be an issue for her so as much understanding as possible for her, will help.

    It's early days and you can short-circuit that negative spiral. Giving her full information is a darn good start. It's what I did with easy child, she was about the same age (maybe a bit younger). She's also the only one of my kids to remember when I was fit and well, so she really felt the anger. I've seen it in other similar situations - when the worst of the crisis is past, THEN the kids get angry at the disruption to their lives and the fear and uncertainty it has brought. It's normal, she needs to know this, but it will upset her for a while. She has a right to be angry at the illness - you all do. But you will need to continue to move past it, when you all can.

    Marg
     
  5. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Linda,
    I'm glad the dr. is going to talk to kt. Hopefully that will help relieve some of her anxiety. I hope you are able to find respite for the weekend. Hugs.
     
  6. On_Call

    On_Call New Member

    Linda,

    I, too, had been wondering how kt was dealing with your illness, because I know that our difficult child would most probably not deal well with me being sick and not able to do the things I normally do.

    I read in another post that your husband had set up grocery delivery, etc., (which I thought was very thoughtful, by the way) and that takes some of the stress off of you, but even something like that would somehow prove to our difficult child that I was definitely out of comission, if I couldn't even go to the store to get food, etc.

    I think taking kt to your doctor should help ease some of the 'unknown' for her. Kuddos to your doctor for seeing her and answering her questions! Hopefully that will help.

    The respite sounds like a great idea, too, for all of you. You definitely need your rest!

    Sending hugs and positive thoughts that the anxiety level goes down for kt soon!

    :angel:
     
  7. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Linda,

    It's totally understandable that kt be anxious about your illness. Any child would be concerned about their parent being sick. My kids don't like it when I have a cold!!!

    I think the idea of bringing kt along for the doctor appointment. is a great idea! Just wondering though, would sending her away for the weekend be tougher than allowing her to stay home with you? If her anxiety level is high, especially due to your illness, perhaps leaving you would increase her anxiety. I think it would my difficult child for sure.

    Hope the appointment. today puts her at ease a little.

    Sharon
     
Loading...