I came into work today, and my manager, before she took off for 2 weeks to Mexico, told me that the way I handled something made the staff of the store unhappy. She then proceeded to basically give me a 4 month review, (I started in Nov) and give me a laundry list of employee comments that ranged from positive to negative. Most of which, the negative completely contradicted the positive, so that makes the overall global message - what? Nothing? I don't know, I got SO mad. I mean, she was just going on and on about how the staff thought I did not listen to them, and take their ideas into consideration, blah, blah, blah. I started to hyperventilate. Seriously. Then when she could see I was upset, she came around with the patronizing positive. I try SO hard, you have no idea. I mean, I have busted my rump for this company since I started. Surely people know that. If someone thought I was not listening, why not just ask me, rather than go to my boss? I thought these comments were so unfounded and made by angry employees, and that my manager did not even consider the fact that these employees had an axe to grind, but rather assumed I was the one to blame. She just wants me to make everyone happy. Seriously, that is what she said. Everyone? All 80 of them? Everyone knows about H's death, yet not one person sent me a card, the company did not send flowers, or make a donation. I got 2 emails. That was it. How about making me feel appreciated? Retail is my profession, I have managed many, many stores. But perhaps I need to look for another vocation. Or maybe I need my own store, and not to be an asst. mgr. I don't know. All I can say is that I feel so, so mad - and sad. And I want H. I just want her. I want to tell her all about this rhetoric, and how unfair it is. She would agree with me. Support me. Believe in me. Tonight I was passing by this row of socks. They had sunflowers on the cuff, and then I remembered how for Cmas I had purchased her socks from my store. And how much she loved them, and she went and bought more. They are really expensive cool socks. She loved socks. And hats. Fluffy, snuggly, hats. She so believed in me. More than I believe in myself. She never got to see my last re-vision of my book. Yet she was the one who encouraged me to write. I just so want her right now. I could always call her anytime. You know what? Life really stinks tonight. I have really, really had it. I cannot look for new job with only 4 months of being at this place. Plus I have a big gap of time out of work while I tended to difficult child. It does not look good. I want to act heinously mad right now, and rip things up - destroy them. Good thing I am talking to my counselor tomorrow morning. I need a boyfriend. A life. Something. Yes, I know. A deep, deep breath. Did I mention I hyperventilated twice today? I am so stressed out it is ridiculous.