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<blockquote data-quote="Marguerite" data-source="post: 113646" data-attributes="member: 1991"><p>Sara, what you describe sounds like a stage of development foisted on him by a range of issues, including his own diagnosis. You sound like you supported him well but you still had boundaries you were able to work with (as was he).</p><p></p><p>The problem becomes badly dysfunctional when the parent feels totally out of control and nothing positive (even in terms of long-term progress) seems likely to be happening. My suggestion to shut off household power if necessary, is one to use (if necessary) as a way of raising awareness to the need to fit in with other people's needs. I have used the threat but never had to carry it out. But then, it hasn't been quite that extreme for us. Getting there, at times. What I was trying to say - if you DO feel a desperate need to bring about change, you can't even attempt to force changes unless you have the power to do so (such as the power to remove the power). If you can tolerate it or feel you have some sense of direction, then of course you don't do anything so drastic. But you should never threaten to take steps you cannot actually carry out.</p><p></p><p>Sara, you sound like you handed your son's situation well and positively. Thanks for your insight into this. If you read more about hikikomori, you will see some parallels for sure, but there seem to be subtle shades of extremity and peculiarly Japanese social overlay that make is different. I became interested when I saw a documentary and then recognised a young exchange student we'd met (we get a lot of Japanese exchange students in Australia, they literally come by the planeload). We've billeted them before, as part of a group billet. This has involved us sharing as families on how we've managed (or not). The young man we met was on the edge of it. I suspect his parents had made him come to Australia as a last-ditch attempt to get him involved with Life. He did not seem agorophobic, but he was completely socially withdrawn and would refuse to make eye contact or even look at anything around him. He did not seem autistic, however. He simply - endured, until he could get back home. He never spoke, not even in Japanese. The other students all said this was a very recent development. He was 15.</p><p></p><p>Getting back to this thread - I also agree with MWM - this 17 y o does sound very spectrum-ish. In which case, you can't apply the usual "17 year olds should be doing THIS" because the calendar just doesn't seem to apply. He sounds like he would not cooperate with assessment - although today's news is very positive, it sounds like there is plenty of wiggle room after all.</p><p></p><p>Marg</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Marguerite, post: 113646, member: 1991"] Sara, what you describe sounds like a stage of development foisted on him by a range of issues, including his own diagnosis. You sound like you supported him well but you still had boundaries you were able to work with (as was he). The problem becomes badly dysfunctional when the parent feels totally out of control and nothing positive (even in terms of long-term progress) seems likely to be happening. My suggestion to shut off household power if necessary, is one to use (if necessary) as a way of raising awareness to the need to fit in with other people's needs. I have used the threat but never had to carry it out. But then, it hasn't been quite that extreme for us. Getting there, at times. What I was trying to say - if you DO feel a desperate need to bring about change, you can't even attempt to force changes unless you have the power to do so (such as the power to remove the power). If you can tolerate it or feel you have some sense of direction, then of course you don't do anything so drastic. But you should never threaten to take steps you cannot actually carry out. Sara, you sound like you handed your son's situation well and positively. Thanks for your insight into this. If you read more about hikikomori, you will see some parallels for sure, but there seem to be subtle shades of extremity and peculiarly Japanese social overlay that make is different. I became interested when I saw a documentary and then recognised a young exchange student we'd met (we get a lot of Japanese exchange students in Australia, they literally come by the planeload). We've billeted them before, as part of a group billet. This has involved us sharing as families on how we've managed (or not). The young man we met was on the edge of it. I suspect his parents had made him come to Australia as a last-ditch attempt to get him involved with Life. He did not seem agorophobic, but he was completely socially withdrawn and would refuse to make eye contact or even look at anything around him. He did not seem autistic, however. He simply - endured, until he could get back home. He never spoke, not even in Japanese. The other students all said this was a very recent development. He was 15. Getting back to this thread - I also agree with MWM - this 17 y o does sound very spectrum-ish. In which case, you can't apply the usual "17 year olds should be doing THIS" because the calendar just doesn't seem to apply. He sounds like he would not cooperate with assessment - although today's news is very positive, it sounds like there is plenty of wiggle room after all. Marg [/QUOTE]
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