H's mom is on the rampage again. Unbelievable!!! difficult child and H have a mutual friend (E) that they spend a lot of time with - the three of them are like the Three Muskateers. The boys are all over here atleast once a week (sometimes more). I hear and see how they interact. If I enter the room, they do not change the subject, a true sign of not needing to hide anything. There is no foul language except by H. There is no meaness - just the normal teasing among friends. There is always input from each of them. They have a good time. E received a message from his mom yesterday that H's mom e-mailed E's mom to warn her what a rotten kid difficult child is! That he has a bad mouth and is mean to H and disrespectful to adults. Again I ask, why in the world would H want to spend time with someone so horrid? And why would this woman allow her son to spend time with a horrid creature on the road to a life of crime? H has even told difficult child (in my hearing) that his mom hates difficult child. And she can't understand why difficult child doesn't like her!!! difficult child said he went to the principal because he feels this may be leading up to something again. He figured if there is a problem he should be the first to bring it forward. The principal did not allow difficult child to tell his side of things last time so difficult child figured to talk now while he is listening. So he told the principal that H is telling lies about him to the extent of having his mom contact the other moms of his friends to slander him. He said he has no clue what H refers to when he tells his mom that difficult child is so mean. He told the principal that if H would tell him what is bugging him then he would stop but nothing has been said and H is always joining in whatever topic it is. There is no sign to difficult child of whatever may be bothering H. The boys joke around with each other all the time but I guess difficult child is not allowed to join in because any word out of his mouth (and anyone else's for that matter) gets reported by H to his mom as difficult child harrassing him and making his life miserable. I told difficult child that the best way of getting revenge is proving her wrong with his actions. Do not "fight" back adding fuel to the fire but watch your behavior - no bad words EVER and always doing what is right, always being kind. That way she will look the fool because no one will ever see in him what she is trying to protray. If he has to give H the cold shoulder, no talking to him, no looking at him than so be it to keep his mom off difficult child's back. I told him that E's mom will see for herself that H's mom is wrong. The boys are at E's house a lot also so she has plenty of chances to see what is really going on. Besides, E will tell his mom the truth and she will believe her son just as I believe difficult child and H's mom believes H. I am trying to find a time to talk face to face with E's mom to ask her what she has observed with the boys and in particular difficult child. I will let her know that I have heard about the e-mail and ask that she form her own conclusion based on the boy's behaviors. I am not going to put her in the middle by giving her some of my own opinions but just ask that she be sure of her conclusions. I will be careful about what information I give to her so as not to sway her judgement thinking I am leading her to be on my side. I will not enter H's mom's game by putting her down to make myself look righteous. E's mom can figure it out on her own which person is degrading another person. It will do no one any good to make her feel like she is in the middle and has to choose. I am sure she is confused about the e-mail since she has had the boys to her place weekly this school year. If there was a problem, she would have picked up on it. So interesting that H is using difficult child as a scapegoat and that his mom has fallen for it. Wonder if there is a book on this "syndrome", how to recognize it and how to deal with it. I would leave it at her door. I am sure she will read it because she is raising her kids "by the book". She knows all the ins and outs on dealing with every behaviour under the sun but hasn't figured out this one.