Discussion in 'The Watercooler' started by hearts and roses, Jul 18, 2011.

  1. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    H has already started in with his concerns about his mom being alone and he's planning our lives now!! Tonight, he said we should spend two weeks at his moms for Christmas! Pardon me, but no F-ing WAYYYYYYYYYY!!! First, I love Christmas, second, it's my birthday week, and last? She is a pill, doesnt care about Christmas or birthdays, has never acknowledged me as H's wife, has never acknowledged my daughters birthdays or mine and can't stand me ( I know you may be thinking at this point, 'Gee, I wonder why not?' lol). I'm sorry I'm's just that I see what's happening here with H and his concerns for his mother and it's rattling my cage. And, I'm out of Xanax. Grrrrrr. Thanks, needed that vent.
  2. TeDo

    TeDo Guest

    Vent away! Do what you have to do for yourself and your kids. HE made this decision and HE can go if he feels the need but don't give in. I hope you are able to tell him what you've just told us. {{{{(((HUGS)))}}}} I don't even have any Xanax to share. Sorry.
  3. Star*

    Star* call 911

    WHere is this coming from - the EMOTIONS of the funeral or his Mother TELLING him ---? FInd out what the source is and THEN have your come to Jesus meeting with him but I would caution you to NOT have the talk just this minute - GIve him some time - YOU are out of Xanax and THEY just lost their Father/Husband and everone is making decisions based on trying to hold together a family they REMEMBER ---based on EMOTIONS......not logic.
    SPACE+TIME =LOGIC......if you jump in right now and say your peace? ESPECIALLY without the dope? YOU are really going to come off as a beasty.......and be remembered for it.

    Try saying something like -You know what? December is a few months away hon - we'll have to check finances and with the girls and schedules to see if we can make it all work.....lets talk about it after things settle down. (and let things settle down) ----and in the mean time? Find out if MOm is just being clingy and a patootie - or if your husband is just trying to take care of a MOm he thinks is saying things that HE is interpreting as "SHE CAN"T LIVE ALONE, CHRISTMAS IS GOING TO BE SO HARD, HOW AM I GOING TO SURVIVE WITHOUT HIM? BLAH BLAH BLAH - because....they DO survive....they CAN make it....and YOU are getiting yer knickers in a wad for nothing......Christmas is 6 months away - and they just lost breath....find some wine - and chill Gill.....

    Hugs - and - LOOK!!!!!! THERE GOES A SWALLOWTAIL and a MONARCH!!!!!!!!!!!
  4. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Thanks, that was another cold hard smack in the face that I needed. on the other hand, I also need to be prepared. I will lay low for now. God, wish they made invisible muzzles for humans! I would really need it this week!
  5. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    Star is right........give him a short while and he may be the one to nix the idea himself, especially if his Mom turns major clingy toward him.

    If by xmas he doesn't change his mind.........tell him you hope he enjoys his visit with his mom, while you and the girls enjoy xmas and your birthday at home. Just because he suddenly feels the need to take care of his mother, or extra care of his mother, doesn't mean the rest of you need to jump on his band wagon.

  6. lovemysons

    lovemysons Well-Known Member

    Can sure relate to a mother in law that doesn't care much for me...mine didn't like me much at all. I think it was because I was trying to do things different than the way she had raised her children.

    We did finally start get along near the end of her life...I always tried reach out to her.
    It sure hurts to be rejected like that.

    Hope husband will consider your feelings at some point...and hope you get your xanax refilled soon.
  7. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Well I would send you some Xanax but I cant

    I have a feeling your H is feeling the emotions of the funeral right now and it may change by Xmas. Maybe not but maybe. There are the siblings to consider. Who gets mom when? Hopefully by the time the holiday's actually come around one of the other sibs will have plans in place.
  8. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    I agree completely that now is not the time to confront the issue. You have my sympathy as you try to stifle what's roaring thru your mind. It's a difficult task...but you can handle it. Hugs

    Meanwhile did I miss the post about the funeral? I'm curious how it went and even more curious how your husband and his siblings interacted. Perhaps the sister or brother would be willing to share their holidays with mother in law? DDD
  9. Star*

    Star* call 911

    Have a "game face" HNR - Practice it - I learned mine from FAULTY Towers -

    It's the raised eyebrows, 1/2 smile, mostly facial expression muscles off to the right of my face along with my head and chin eyes kinda wide nod slowly as if to agree and as you nod down you purse your eyes and brows as if to agree vehemently and study the situation intently.

    Heck - just practicing that will either GET you more Xanax from a passer by - OR allow you the ability to seem SOOOOOO involved in the situation no one will ever guess otherwise.

    THEN? The horse snort of contempt.. With your neck forward, rolling your lips in and tucked, eyes to a slit ships sail left and right up and down sort of no.....rocking back and forth as if to say "OH HE COULD NOT HAVE!" with disgust .......

    Those TWO moves along with keeping your mouth clamped shut with Mother in Laws....that do not like you but are looking for an agreeable ally at least part of the time.

    and if nothing else? You tried to do both of them and it took YOUR mind off the lack of Xanax you do not have for about 23 seconds.

    Hugs --and mucho amore` El Staro
  10. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    I got the dope. Lol, I got my refill script of Xanax today! Yay!!! I'm all set...practicing horse facey thingy in shower tonight, fake knowing smile...slitty eyes not a problem (I nailed that one years ago), lol. I saw my allergist today and we know each other very well. He gave me prednisone, and there is no way I can take pred while traveling and at mother in law's, and so I told him I'd start it on Friday on my way home...he asked if my mother in law and I had a problem, I spilled all the details. He proceeded to tell me about his inlaw issues, how he and his wife and kids are 'the home team' and everyone else is 'the away team' and that once the dust has settled I need to explain to H about what being the 'home team' means. Nice analogy, huh? Anyway, it made sense and I told H the story-he seemed to be charmed by it. Thanks again!
  11. Star*

    Star* call 911

    So Frau Bleuka.....Are we still making horse noises in das shower? (It's a young Frankenstein thing)