Setting boundaries with Difficult Child...

Discussion in 'Parent Emeritus' started by ksm, Aug 27, 2016.

  1. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    And today it went pretty good. Our oldest Difficult Child, who moved out after graduation, has had car trouble for a couple if weeks. She has repeatedly wanted to borrow our car, which we have only done a couple if times. we pick her up and bring her to our home before 10pm, then let her drive the 3 miles to her job. She is off by 7am, comes to our house, and when she is ready, we would drive her back to her dads.

    Well her dad and his girlfriend has been letting her drive his girlfriend's older PT Cruiser, which has some problems. She was to only drive it to work and back or to things close by. But, she had been driving it all over and when ever. Today, her dad had a deer collide with his car on the way to work. He has to drive 50 miles to work, so he borrowed his girlfriend's good vehicle, girlfriend took back her PT, leaving Difficult Child at home on her day off.

    So, she wanted our car to drive 20 miles away, as she HAD to help a friend with a horse. Yea, she acts like she knows how to break and train a horse when she has never had a horse or been around them. She was planning on using the PT to drive there, even though she was told it was for work only.

    I reread the detachment article, again, then sent her a nice text that I was sorry, I loved and cared about her, but would only help her get to work, the store, or our home. But, I would drive her to the friend's house if her parents would drive her home. So I guess they aren't willing to do that...

    She just texted OK and TTYL. No drama. Yea!! We will probably have to let DS borrow our car next week for work...he has to replace the windshield, and the passenger side wheel fender...or maybe just remove it so it doesn't rub on the tire.

    I didn't have the heart to tell her that her dad can't find a used transmission for her old vehicle. She just put $400 in it... And found out it still won't work. Payday is 9 days away, and she has $50 left to her name.

    Last payday I tried to talk to her about saving more, and being very frugal until she found out what was wrong with it...and she said she had a huge paycheck, no problem, she can handle her money...and hung up on me.

  2. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    Ugh....It's all I can say. Their choices astound me.

    But bravo to you that you didn't jump to her needs and's a win to you!
  3. Tanya M

    Tanya M Living with an attitude of gratitude Staff Member

    Well done KSM! You handled her request perfectly.
  4. Childofmine

    Childofmine trying to do this thing one day at a time Staff Member

    KSM, your post is an excellent example of setting a reasonable boundary and sticking to it, regardless of how the Difficult Child responds. I think this is perhaps the hardest work we have to do. It's truly easier to just say all or nothing. Black or white. What's harder is living and making decisions in the "gray" area. You are willing to help her get to work but not beyond that. This is a very reasonable boundary that you set, and then you stuck to it, and you weren't mean about it, just clear and direct.

    Bravo! Thank you for sharing that with all of us.