Setting Healthy Boundaries

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by KC but no sunshine band, Oct 22, 2007.

  1. Good Monday morning all!

    :coffee:


    As many of you know, I landed here just a short time ago during a major meltdown. A short recap to bring everyone up to speed: The meltdown was due to being torn between my husband and my difficult child. I had played referee for years and it came to a head. Once I identified the cause of the meltdown, I had a chat with husband and difficult child and told them they needed to stop their fighting as well as putting me in the middle. Since that time, they have calmed down considerably and life in general is much more sane. Also since then, husband has expressed his frustration over how much time we spend talking about difficult child and how to deal with him. husband feels like we never talk about anything else and rightfully so. With four other kids, why does everything always revolve around difficult child? My suggestion was, ok... when difficult child goes to bed, there is no more talk about him. husband said that was a good idea. Since then, we have kept to respecting that boundary and husband seems much happier. I also took husband out for a long overdue date. Sometimes in our crazy lives, we forget to or perhaps don't have the energy to do things that we need to do for ourselves and our partners. This week, perhaps we should all try to set aside some special (adult) time just for ourselves and/or our partners. Have a great meltdown free week everyone.

    :its_all_good:


    Kathy
     
  2. Laelee

    Laelee New Member


    Hi Kathy!

    I've been finding that too,that my husband I need to do things for ourselves.It seems to be all about the kids lately.

    I'm so glad you found a way to work out the conflict! I often feel like I run interference between my Mucky Muck and the rest of the family,it's a lonely place.

    From on Canadian to another,here's to another great week!
    Lael
     
  3. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Great, Kathy!
    My husband and I have a "date night" once a wk. It's a really good idea.
    It's also a great idea not to let the world revolve around our difficult child, but with-their behaviors, it's very difficult. Sometimes, though, I think my husband and I have made our difficult child worse by giving him too much attention for his bad behavior. We're still learning!
     
  4. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Kathy,

    Good for you! Sounds like things are going well. A few weeks ago husband and I went to a football game and had the entire day with-o the kids. We tried really hard not to talk about either child. We weren't perfect but generally steered conversations away from them.
     
  5. Anna1345

    Anna1345 New Member

    You are handling this fabulously and have really given me a GREAT idea! I find the same thing between husband & difficult child. They are CONSTATNLY at each other's throats. Almost like I have TWO 11 y/o's! THank you for giving me a way to try to calm things down!
     
  6. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Still going better, Kathy? Any more date nights? I'd try for every cple wks, at least.
     

  7. :coffee:

    Yes Terry.... things are still going well. Thank you for asking. We try for once a week but at the very outside... once every two weeks. As well husband went to his doctor and found out that his BiPolar (BP) was not being controlled as well as he thought it was so got some new medications. That is helping too as he isn't in mixed states as much now.

    :its_all_good:
     
  8. hearts and roses

    hearts and roses Mind Reader

    Hey Kathy, thanks for the reminder. Things have been kind of hectic for the past few months at our house and now I'm going away with easy child rather than H - I feel a little guilty now about that. H could use a vaca himself, he works so hard all the time. But in all honesty, he doesn't ever want to take time and relax. When he's off, he creates work for himself and projects, so it can be frustrating for me to make plans only to have him be the naysayer, Know what I mean??

    Today is H's birthday and afterwards, our girls are going to a concert, so we will be alone. If he doesn't pass out by 8 like usual, maybe we can incorporate a little fun into our evening! He's so depressed it's his birthday and every year it gets worse so I will have to do something to make him feel young again...hmmmmm....think, think, think. lol - thanks again!
     
  9. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Good KC. by the way, does your husband exercise? That will help his BiPolar (BP) at least as much as medications. Oh, and less fat in his diet, too.
    And less stress ... which, when living with-a difficult child, is nearly impossible ...
     
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