Sex, Lies & Kanga

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by JJJ, Feb 10, 2010.

  1. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member


    For years Kanga has accused the other children of touching her inappropriately. The first time we freaked out, investigated, had therapist involved, etc. Only to have it determined that it hadn't happened. On the first night of Eeyore's placement with us, Kanga touched him inappropriately -- we reported it that very minute -- and we were on a safety plan from that point on. So, between the strength of our safety plan, and the wildness of her accusations (one accusation claimed that Tigger (age 15 months) pinned her (age 5.5 years) down and touched her during the night. Um, Tigger didn't even know to get out of the crib at that age nor open the door!! , it was unfounded.

    Two years ago while hospitalized, she told the family therapist that she knew how to hurt us -- by telling these stories and getting CPS to take our other kids. Family therapist said if Kanga was her daughter that she would never allow her home again because she could easily damage our family with her lies. Kanga never slept under the same roof as the others again except for a couple of weeks when we had no choice and the others slept in our room with our bed pushed up against the door.

    This will make CPS investigation #5 (or maybe 6 - seriously I have lost track). I'm so sick of it! :sad:

    I KNOW nothing happened. I knew it because the kids were always supervised. I knew it because the tdocs investigated and told me so.

    I'm not really mad at current therapist for calling CPS as her license is at stake if she doesn't. But I am furious at Kanga!!! :919Mad:

    We were suppose to have a full family visit on Sunday. It is now going to be me driving up for family therapy and that is it - no visit. No phone calls this week. husband will visit 3 weeks later. We are going to stop all contact with her siblings. I cannot believe we are going through this again. :919Mad:
  2. tiredmommy

    tiredmommy Site Moderator

    I'm so sorry this is happening again. I wish had some wisdom to give you but I don't, just know that we continue to be here for you. :(
  3. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    Oh, frustrating. What did she claim this time?

    I don't blame you for getting to the point where you've had enough- by difficult child just turned 15yo and I look at that age as starting the transition to life without me and it's just the same as when he was 12yo as far as suffering conseequences for bad decisions. By this point these kids should start getting a serious clue about better ways to deal with us instead of trying to get back at us to get their way.

    And you have the other kids to think about, too. I don't know how you deal with it all.
  4. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Is she ever truly rational? Does she have moments of clarity when she is doing and saying these things? Or is she so far out of it that she has no empathy or realization as to what this is doing to anyone?
    I guess I am asking if she is ever "normal", so to speak.
    It just breaks my heart to keep reading how she seems to never really get the real world or want to be a part of reality or know how to go about it in a normal way.
    I wonder what is going to be her future? Will she be able to pull it together.
    Sorry I am thinking out loud.

    I am so sorry you are going through this yet again. I honestly can't imagine.

    Makes me feel lucky that the School "only" called us in to get K today because she shoved a rock in her ear and then freaked because her anxiety went sky high after the whole class found out... fun trip to the pediatrician.
  5. ML

    ML Guest

    How profoundly sad and tragic for your family to endure all of this. Words are just so inadquate to provide the type of support you deserve. I will pray for you and your family.
  6. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    Thanks for being here.

    These are the EXACT SAME CLAIMS that she makes every time. Each retelling gets a little more tragic and she fluffs up the details with stuff she's learned from other kids in the psychiatric hospital or Residential Treatment Center (RTC).

    Prior to talking with me, therapist was excited that Kanga was 'opening up to her'. I told her she got played. She was not happy with Kanga.

    Is Kanga ever rational? I do not think so but she is able to 'function' in a structured environment. Her reality is believable until someone who knows better is there. She can keep 'professionals' going for years because she doesn't live in a totally alternate universe, more of a parallel one where what she says sounds like it makes sense, at least until she is confronted by our reality.

    I HATE HATE HATE this.
  7. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    therapist reminded me that we told Kanga that we were sticking by her no matter what.

    Well, legally we are required to until she is 18. If she keeps this up, we are going to be able to give seminars in detaching. We won't even need to break a sweat.
  8. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Ohhh, noooo.
    I am so sorry.
  9. KTMom91

    KTMom91 Well-Known Member

    JJJ, I'm so sorry you're dealing with this yet again.
  10. gcvmom

    gcvmom Here we go again!

    I'm groaning right along with you. How incredibly infuriating. How incredibly insane.

    How many days left in the countdown?

    Sending hugs and prayers for strength and detachment.
  11. slsh

    slsh member since 1999

    Oh JJJ. Sigh.... if it were just you and husband, I'd say get your notes and documentation ready and don't sweat it - you'll be fine. The fact that the kids are getting dragged into this again... well, *that's* abuse, perpetrated by Kanga and her manipulative allegations. I think I would point that out when the investigator shows up.

    There's a big difference between standing by Kanga versus repeatedly laying the whole family out to be steamrolled by her again and again and again. Some tdocs/psychiatrists miss how deeply the sibs are affected by difficult children' garbage. It is *not* all about difficult child - it's about the entire family. I think it's absolutely reasonable to stop contact with- sibs to protect *them*.

    That whole parallel reality is so familiar. I guess the good news is that therapist listened to you when you told her she got taken in. The ones who don't see it are the really dangerous ones.

    Sigh... I'm just so sorry, JJJ. It's a bear and a half and it's .... well, it's just that.

    Hang in there. How are the kids holding up?
  12. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    JJJ, I am sorry, but we all stand by family, but what happens when one family member hurts many others? How do you choose who to stand by??? See what therapist says about that one.
  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

  14. LittleDudesMom

    LittleDudesMom Well-Known Member Staff Member


    so sorry that Kanga is once again controlling the family, to a degree.

    I know nothing will come out of this latest investigation, but you will be in my thoughts.

  15. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I am so sorry. I wish I had more words or wisdom to offer...

  16. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    I'm sitting here staring at the clock, waiting for my children to get home so I can hug them and know that they are here and safe.

    We had to cancel a visit to her on Sunday (husband was very sick.) so I think this is our punishment from her. We had rescheduled our visit to this Sunday...but now it will be just me and she will see how unamused I am at her latest storytelling.

    I'm hoping that the lack of contact from CPS means that they did not open a case but instead referred us to Post-Adoption for 'additional support'.
  17. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    I'm not sure how much you want to share about the details of the report--but hasn't Kanga been out of your home for some time?

    What is the time frame of the supposed "abuse"...?

    Is this something supposedly recent? Or would this be a reinvestigation of an earlier report?

    Would CPS notify you if they referred you for additional support services instead?

    Hopefully, Kanga's history would cause CPS to dismiss any accusations as unfounded right away!!

  18. JJJ

    JJJ Active Member

    She is accusing the other children of inappropriate activities from 2000-2006. She has been out of the home since 2008. This would be a reinvestigation of previously dis-proven events.

    Assuming that we were referred to Post-Adoption, they can take 2-12 months to call us so we would likely hear nothing. Also, we have worked with them in the past (they paid for the first 30 days of Kanga's Residential Treatment Center (RTC)) so they are familiar with us and know that we grabbed every service we could to help all of our children. They will give us warm fuzzies, offer the same services we already have and commiserate with us about how hard it is to be a parent of a kid like Kanga.
  19. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    How is this "Additional Support"? Is there any actual support?
    Giving classes in Detachment, seminars, a book or some kind of outlet one day might not be a bad idea! Unless you just want to get it all out of you mind.

    You could help a lot parents and many many professionals!
  20. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not

    Ugghh!! The waiting game...

    Sometimes it's just nice to get a phone call or something so you have some idea what to expect.

    So sorry that your family is going through this.