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Sharing diagnosis with ghg
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<blockquote data-quote="Malika" data-source="post: 473623" data-attributes="member: 11227"><p>I think this is a genuine dilemma. How much to share with a child about their differences? And, by extension, is it right to "lie"? I've never spoken to my son about his being different from other children in the sense of him having a "condition" that makes things not his fault (even though that is true, often). Once or twice I've talked about hyperactivity but I don't think it's registered. We have a book called "Zak has ADHD" that I actually don't like reading him any more because J started doing the things in it that the hyperactive zebra does before he gets therapy and medication - like calling people fat, which he had never done before <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /> I wonder to what degree it is frightening to a child to be told that they "have" something that makes them not in control of themselves, as though they are somehow divided against themselves? I once looked after an elderly lady who had Alzheimer's. She would have these terrible moments in which she had a kind of semi-lucidity about what was happening and she would cry out in anguish, again and again: "there's something wrong with my brain, there's something wrong with my brain"...</p><p>So I genuinely don't know the answer to this. I don't want J to feel different and he doesn't want to feel different (even though in some ways he clearly is). I don't want him to start thinking about himself as "sick" in someway. My instinctive preference is to downplay the label - just talking about his difficulty with frustration, anger, etc. At the same time, I really do not like lying to him. Most people disagree with me about this but I have always told him that Father Christmas is a nice story made up for children. Probably largely because Christmas is no big deal for me/us, and we are usually in Muslim Morocco for it... But also because it <strong>isn't</strong> true and I don't agree with pretending that something isn't real is... At the same time, I take him to Koranic/Arabic class on Sunday because it is part of his cultural heritage and I think it is good to grow up with a core of moral values (from any religion), even though I don't share this way of looking at the world, so... contradictions are rife. He asks occasionally about God and I tell him that God is all of life and it is love, which seems acceptably true to me... and not in contradiction with anything any religion would teach (I hope). </p><p>But a lot of this is related to age... your son is older, lovelyboy, which changes things also.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Malika, post: 473623, member: 11227"] I think this is a genuine dilemma. How much to share with a child about their differences? And, by extension, is it right to "lie"? I've never spoken to my son about his being different from other children in the sense of him having a "condition" that makes things not his fault (even though that is true, often). Once or twice I've talked about hyperactivity but I don't think it's registered. We have a book called "Zak has ADHD" that I actually don't like reading him any more because J started doing the things in it that the hyperactive zebra does before he gets therapy and medication - like calling people fat, which he had never done before :) I wonder to what degree it is frightening to a child to be told that they "have" something that makes them not in control of themselves, as though they are somehow divided against themselves? I once looked after an elderly lady who had Alzheimer's. She would have these terrible moments in which she had a kind of semi-lucidity about what was happening and she would cry out in anguish, again and again: "there's something wrong with my brain, there's something wrong with my brain"... So I genuinely don't know the answer to this. I don't want J to feel different and he doesn't want to feel different (even though in some ways he clearly is). I don't want him to start thinking about himself as "sick" in someway. My instinctive preference is to downplay the label - just talking about his difficulty with frustration, anger, etc. At the same time, I really do not like lying to him. Most people disagree with me about this but I have always told him that Father Christmas is a nice story made up for children. Probably largely because Christmas is no big deal for me/us, and we are usually in Muslim Morocco for it... But also because it [B]isn't[/B] true and I don't agree with pretending that something isn't real is... At the same time, I take him to Koranic/Arabic class on Sunday because it is part of his cultural heritage and I think it is good to grow up with a core of moral values (from any religion), even though I don't share this way of looking at the world, so... contradictions are rife. He asks occasionally about God and I tell him that God is all of life and it is love, which seems acceptably true to me... and not in contradiction with anything any religion would teach (I hope). But a lot of this is related to age... your son is older, lovelyboy, which changes things also. [/QUOTE]
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