She is on the run AGAIN!!

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by bran155, Feb 6, 2009.

  1. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Hey all,

    Well here we go again. My daughter had her first TASK appointment today. Which she didn't show up for. My sister and I were out last night and my husband called to tell me that my daughter was in my sister's apartment with some boy. Now, my daughter is not allowed in my sister's apartment because of her behavior and the fact that she can't be trusted. So, while I was on the phone with my husband he went downstairs to tell my daughter and her friend they had to leave. The boy left, she didn't. My husband then told her she must go or my sister was going to call the police because she does not have permission to be in her apartment when no one is home. She began her usual bs, cursing and threatening my husband. She said she was going to leave and not come back. My husband told her that would be her choice, no one is holding her here against her will. He warned her about missing her first TASK meeting, he told her that she would go back to jail if she didn't go. She said she didn't care, among other things that I will leave to your imagination!!! She left.

    She didn't come home last night or this morning, so she missed her meeting. I called the TASK lady, very nice, very understanding of what my daughter's needs are. She said that my daughter needs to be put into an adult facility for a long period of time and then released with services and schooling, along with a job. I explained to her that that is what I have been fighting for. I told the DA all of this. She said that she has the power to recommend this to the judge. She first has to find a facility that would be appropriate for my daughter. Then it would be up to the judge. But she said that the Criminal Court System does have the authority to place her. I spent quite a bit of time on the phone with her, explaining everything that has been happening. She is missing curfew, being abusive and threatening and so on... I then called the DA's office. I spoke to one of the secretaries, the only one that is nice. I told her what has been happening and that she missed her TASK meeting and has been violating curfew and so forth. I explained to her that the TASK lady said that she felt my daughter needed to be placed, she was going to do the research to find a facility. I also told her that I would not be able to make court on Monday as I have doctor's appointment. She said that she strongly recommends that I cancel the appointment. and come to court. So, that is what I will do. I just hate that my life is still revolving around this darn kid. I do understand that it would be in my best interest to show up to court in light of what has happened. I need to go so that I can explain to the DA and the judge what has been going on myself.

    I am just so sick of all of this drama!!!! I am not going to get my hopes up about her being placed because it never pans out!!! Youth Court fell through, so I don't want to put all of my eggs in this basket only to be disappointed. I am cautiously optimistic at this point.

    This really stinks. Last night and today I am feeling a bit weak. I am sad again. I feel badly for my daughter. I have been so strong and doing so well with detaching. I so do not want to fall apart again. But I am feeling sad, I have an uneasy feeling again. That gnaw in your gut that sits there like a hundred pound weight. I have a nervous feeling, I am a bit shaky. I am trying to hold it together as I know that my daughter is doing this to herself. Logically I so get that. Emotionally I am feeling it a bit today. Don't get me wrong though, not to the point where I used to be, it hasn't taken over. I am going to try so hard not to let it.

    UUURRRGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!! This never ends!!!!!!!!!

    Shawna :(
  2. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Lord have mercy, this kid is putting you through the wringer! Ya know, every time I read one of your posts I have the urge to call my father and apologize to I dont think I was this bad though...thank heavens I was a child of the 70s. There was that time I ran away to NYC (Did I make you laugh?)

    Hopefully this will all pan out next week.
  3. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    You did make me laugh!!! LOL

    I really hope this is it. If the court does not do something this time, I will just flat out refuse to take her back into my home!!! That's if they even catch her.

    I just looked at your pics!!! Your kids make some good looking babies!!!! :)
  4. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Darn Shawna, but that was to be expected. I know what you mean about not wanting to get your hopes up too much about a placement. Going to court is a good idea so that nothing happens without your input.

    I'm sorry she is still making these bad choices, but you and I both know that they don't learn from consequences and they don't think before they act.

  5. TerryJ2

    TerryJ2 Well-Known Member

    Shawna, that actually sounds pretty good! This may work!
    I'm sorry about having to cancel the dr appointment, but the logic of going to court is so compelling it cannot be denied.
    I have my fingers crossed that this is what your daughter needs and that it all comes together. Long term placement for an adult!!! YES!
    And yes, they will catch her. She's not exactly James Bond. ;)
  6. CrazyinVA

    CrazyinVA Well-Known Member Staff Member

    I'm sorry she's done this again.. but I agree, it's not entirely unexpected based on what's been happening since she came home. I'm glad the TASK person "gets it," that is some small comfort, I hope.

    I know how it is to feel that "here we go again" feeling. As much as we practice detachment and get better at it, that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt once in awhile. That sadness... I feel that a lot with Oldest.

    Hang in there. At least your house will be quieter, right?!
  7. DaisyFace

    DaisyFace Love me...Love me not


    It does kind of sound like there might be a "light at the end of the tunnel"....I will cross my fingers that all goes well. Good luck in court!!

  8. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Thanks guys!!! I knew this was coming. It was absolutely to be expected, you all are so right!!! At this point I am more upset with the court than my daughter. If this plan didn't work the first time they tried it, what on Gods green earth made them think it would work a second time around??? It's not like she was in treatment, came out stable and then they tried it again. She came straight out of jail with no services in place, no medications and no therapy!!!! I hope they won't be scratching their heads in disbelief!!! I'm not!!!

    Terry, you are right, James Bond she isn't!!! lol

    Crazy, sad to say, but I did think of that. My house will be peaceful again!!
  9. totoro

    totoro Mom? What's a GFG?

    Well obviously she is a tad delusional in her thinking that she is above all of *you* dumb people and she does not need to adhere to your line of thinking!
    Which is a easy child way of thinking, until you add her extremity of it all!!! SO hopefully the courts will see this, this time and help her! When they find her.
    This is not just a bratty kid who does not want to follow the rules.
    Still doesn't make you not want to strangle her at times I am sure!
    Like Janet said, she makes me sound very tame at times!!!
    But when I left I did not come back and I did not get caught!
    You keep following that path toward bettering your marriage and yourself.
  10. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Thanks totoro! I will keep working on me as well as my marriage. I am a bit sad about all of this but not to the point where I am going to give my life up for her again. I still want to find peace and happiness for the rest of my family. We all deserve it.

    With any luck she will be caught soon. I am going to file a missing persons report, yet again, tonight. If she does not show up for court on Monday there will be a bench warrant out for her again. I really don't think she is gonna show as she knows if she misses TASK it's right back to jail!!!
  11. luvmyottb

    luvmyottb Guest

    Sending you some support. The task lady sounds like a genuis so far. A long term adult placement with support when she comes out would be an outstanding deal for her.

    I really hope this will work out for you. Your family deserves some peace.
    I'm sure she will be picked up soon.
  12. susiestar

    susiestar Roll With It

    Oh, Shawna, I am so sorry you are feeling down and weak. The running was problem to be expected, esp as she KNEW you would tell the TASK person what she had been doing. To her, running must seem like an "easy" way to go have fun and get "out of trouble". She just doesn't see how she is piling up the troubles with her behavior.

    You be gentle to yourself! Detachment is a process, not a destination!!! We ALL have weak moments and strong moments and times we just want to shelter our babies from the world.

    So forgive yourself for not being as detached as you wanted/planned to be. I hope this placement actually comes through, but being skeptical of it is probably wise.


  13. DammitJanet

    DammitJanet Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Ahhh....the old bench warrant. I would think she would get tired of having those. Cory did. Now he has finally figured out he is not invincible with the courts and he can get consequences from them so he gets terrified if he has a court date. Someone better PLEASE come get him and take him to court! LOL.
  14. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    LOL Janet!!! I would think my daughter would be sick of ALL of this and just make an effort already to get it together!!! But I guess she isn't done putting me through hell yet.

    Luv & Susie, thanks for the support. Susie, I love "detachment is a process not a destination"!!! That's for sure. I never thought of it like that. I hate this process!!! I am feeling a bit stronger now. I have had moments in the day where I am feeling sad but it isn't too bad. I just hate that gnawing in my gut, ya know? When you feel like things just aren't right?

    I think had I been here last night when the chaos happened, I wouldn't feel so uneasy about it. I wasn't here to actally witness it, although I have seen it a gazillion times. I might be able to be angry instead of sad had I been the one getting the abuse, ya know? I'll get through it. I am much stronger today than I was six months ago. I know I can count on you all for support. You'll get me through as you have done many times before. :)
  15. Wiped Out

    Wiped Out Well-Known Member Staff Member

    As others have said it wasn't unexpected. I'm so sorry you are continuing to deal with this. I really hope they can get her into a long term facility for adults. It sounds like it is just what she needs.

    Take care of you! Hugs.
  16. Marguerite

    Marguerite Active Member

    HE HAD TO ASK??? I mean, he had to call you to ask? Why did he not just go straight to her and tell her, instead of calling you first?

    I'm sorry you're going through this. I do agree, you need to be in court. A great pity it means cnacelling appointments to do it, though.

    Just remember - she's not doing this TO YOU, she's doing it to herself because she just doesn't get it.

    I"m with you - I can't understand why they released her to you at home either. If they try this again, can you stand up and object? Say something like, "She has already demonstrated that she is wilful and non-compliant. We do not have any tools or supports in place to keep US safe from here, let alone keep her safe from herself. She has alreayd done a great deal of damage to her younger brother simply by him having to witness her out of control behaviour and hear her insolence and abuse directed at us. If she comes back home under the same conditions, then the court that allows this will be actively contributing to further harm donoe to everyone else in the family, including her younger brother. Surely this is unacceptable, especially considering she is ill and needs placement? And the court is able to order this? Please order for this girl what she needs in order to recover, and please don't expect her to be able to do it on her own - we already know this won't work. We need help. I've been pleading for it in these specific terms. Please help us."

    If you are planning to do something like this, have it prepared. These days even when I'm going to the doctor for acheck-up, I have a written list of what I want to say. It saves the forehead-smacking that goes on when you walk out and realise you missed telling him something important.

    Add to this what you feel you need to and maybe talk to the MAST person again about what they can do and what you need to do to speed it up. You don't want your speech to undermine it, you want it to reinforce it.

    THis crud has to be past the worst of the crisis soon, but there is more muck to come while you wait until this plays out again. Stay strong.

  17. bran155

    bran155 Guest

    Thanks Wiped Out and Marg!

    I am going to go to court, first stop will be the DA's office, then her lawyer and finally the judge. I am hoping that Monday the judge will have already gotten the TASK report with the recommendation for placement. Tonight I am headed down to the police station to file a missing person's report, really just to cover my butt!!

    I just feel like I am in a very loooooong nightmare!!! And I don't think I'll be waking up any time soon!!!

    Thanks for the advice.

    Shawna :)
  18. Jena

    Jena New Member

    Sorry 'im so late to this. All I can say is stay strong and sending you alot of hugs!!!
  19. Alttlgabby

    Alttlgabby New Member

    I pray for you and that you can get something done!! You would think that with all the problems that she has, they would place her somewhere to get her the help she needs. It's like pulling teeth most of the time with agencies though!
  20. klmno

    klmno Active Member

    ((HUGS)) I definitely understand that gnawing in the gut. Along with fighting the self-doubt, maybe it's really just the cloud of disappointment coming over us again, Know what I mean???

    Oh- Janet, you made me laugh- I hope my son becomes like you someday! LOL!