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Substance Abuse
She is still drinking
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 551273"><p>OK this is my take on enabling etc. I think part of enabling is trying to control their drinking or drug use... you really cant do that. I think that is one thing we have to let go of. Preventing their drug use is trying to control it. So I think kicking her out because she is still drinking is in a sense trying to control it and you really cant do that.</p><p></p><p>I think the thing we can do is to put limits on those things that directly affect us and that is their behavior..... and things they want from us such as money. </p><p></p><p>So given that she is doing some of the right things with a job and therapy and assuming she is treating you ok and not creating total chaos and misery in your home.... I would let go of her drinking. That is her choice and if it is really bad it will affect the other things in her life. Dont fix the things in her life she screws up becuase of the drinking.... dont rescue her from her mistakes... by all means dont give her money... but I don't think you have to kick her out because she is still drinking.</p><p></p><p>Unless her behavor towards you is so unpleasant you cant stand it... then that is a different story.</p><p></p><p>I know we kicked our son out of our house and have kept him out. We kicked him out because he was making uas all miserable and was flagrantly violating our rules, the rules you would want any roommate to have... such as taking our car in the middle of the night without permission. We have kept him out because of some issues with my daughter that came out... and we realized that for her emotional well being he could not live here while he was such a mess. It was not good for her. Not sure where we would be if it was not for her to be honest.</p><p></p><p>I think part of learning not to enable is to not be so invested in if they are using or not... which I have definitely not mastered yet. </p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 551273"] OK this is my take on enabling etc. I think part of enabling is trying to control their drinking or drug use... you really cant do that. I think that is one thing we have to let go of. Preventing their drug use is trying to control it. So I think kicking her out because she is still drinking is in a sense trying to control it and you really cant do that. I think the thing we can do is to put limits on those things that directly affect us and that is their behavior..... and things they want from us such as money. So given that she is doing some of the right things with a job and therapy and assuming she is treating you ok and not creating total chaos and misery in your home.... I would let go of her drinking. That is her choice and if it is really bad it will affect the other things in her life. Dont fix the things in her life she screws up becuase of the drinking.... dont rescue her from her mistakes... by all means dont give her money... but I don't think you have to kick her out because she is still drinking. Unless her behavor towards you is so unpleasant you cant stand it... then that is a different story. I know we kicked our son out of our house and have kept him out. We kicked him out because he was making uas all miserable and was flagrantly violating our rules, the rules you would want any roommate to have... such as taking our car in the middle of the night without permission. We have kept him out because of some issues with my daughter that came out... and we realized that for her emotional well being he could not live here while he was such a mess. It was not good for her. Not sure where we would be if it was not for her to be honest. I think part of learning not to enable is to not be so invested in if they are using or not... which I have definitely not mastered yet. TL [/QUOTE]
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