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She moved into the women's shelter
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<blockquote data-quote="scent of cedar" data-source="post: 610091" data-attributes="member: 1721"><p>Oh. I can be so dorky, sometimes. I could not, for the life of me, figure out who you used to be. I had no warm and fuzzy feelings for the new name, and could not think of a thing to say. Rereading the thread this morning, I realized who you used to be and BOOM.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>accmama, this is what will happen for your daughter in a Women's Shelter. She will be surrounded by other women, some her age or younger, most older. She will learn about their lives and their life choices through the groups they hold at the Shelter daily. She will learn about what it looks like, up close, when you have children you, or the man you chose to father them, cannot take care of. She will see women who fear for their lives and for the lives of their children. All these things will be invaluable knowledge for her as she begins putting her life together, again.</p><p></p><p>She will learn how to begin again from where she is, and there will be help for her to do that.</p><p></p><p>difficult child daughter has lived in Women's Shelters more than once. They have been a very good thing, for her. There are so many women there, all caring, all trying to make sense of what has happened to them. There are women there who share what they know about the dynamics of physically abusive relationships, and about the difference between a place to be and a safe place to be, and how to figure that out.</p><p></p><p>I wanted to make a comment about grandma, too. When a relative takes a child in, inevitably, part of that decision is going to be that they may be able to help the child when you could not. There is a certain judgment call there, for all three parties involved ~ the difficult child, the parents, and the relative taking the child in. As Recovering posted, relatives seldom know the full backstory. And why should they? Our families are experiencing something horribly traumatic. The destruction of everything we've held dear is not a peep show. Anyway, when the relative can't do anything with the child, either...there is going to be a time when they need to re-examine everything they thought they knew ~ about the difficult child, about the situation, about themselves, and about you.</p><p></p><p>We absolutely found that to be true, as we went through our times with difficult child daughter. </p><p></p><p>And I still feel hatred to this day for those who used my family's tragedy to elevate themselves.</p><p></p><p>Oops! Where did that come from?</p><p></p><p>Cedar blushes and slinks away.</p><p></p><p>:O)</p><p></p><p>Anyway, that is where I think the grandmother is coming from. Not so much judging you or difficult child, but reassessing her whole understanding of what the situation is. She probably doesn't want to say anything hurtful, and is so angry and confused herself right now that she has decided to say nothing.</p><p></p><p>I'm sure this hasn't been easy for her, either. I would be so heartbroken, if I were the grandma. Too much pain. Relationship with a grandchild is such a different, special thing. It's all about fun and being loved so specially, for the grandma. This experience has changed her image of herself, and of her grandchild, too. Maybe you could break the ice a little if you got her something nice ~ maybe a little box of candy or something, and told her you understand, and that you know how much she loves difficult child, and that you appreciate that she tried without judging?</p><p></p><p>That would melt my heart, in a minute.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="scent of cedar, post: 610091, member: 1721"] Oh. I can be so dorky, sometimes. I could not, for the life of me, figure out who you used to be. I had no warm and fuzzy feelings for the new name, and could not think of a thing to say. Rereading the thread this morning, I realized who you used to be and BOOM. :O) accmama, this is what will happen for your daughter in a Women's Shelter. She will be surrounded by other women, some her age or younger, most older. She will learn about their lives and their life choices through the groups they hold at the Shelter daily. She will learn about what it looks like, up close, when you have children you, or the man you chose to father them, cannot take care of. She will see women who fear for their lives and for the lives of their children. All these things will be invaluable knowledge for her as she begins putting her life together, again. She will learn how to begin again from where she is, and there will be help for her to do that. difficult child daughter has lived in Women's Shelters more than once. They have been a very good thing, for her. There are so many women there, all caring, all trying to make sense of what has happened to them. There are women there who share what they know about the dynamics of physically abusive relationships, and about the difference between a place to be and a safe place to be, and how to figure that out. I wanted to make a comment about grandma, too. When a relative takes a child in, inevitably, part of that decision is going to be that they may be able to help the child when you could not. There is a certain judgment call there, for all three parties involved ~ the difficult child, the parents, and the relative taking the child in. As Recovering posted, relatives seldom know the full backstory. And why should they? Our families are experiencing something horribly traumatic. The destruction of everything we've held dear is not a peep show. Anyway, when the relative can't do anything with the child, either...there is going to be a time when they need to re-examine everything they thought they knew ~ about the difficult child, about the situation, about themselves, and about you. We absolutely found that to be true, as we went through our times with difficult child daughter. And I still feel hatred to this day for those who used my family's tragedy to elevate themselves. Oops! Where did that come from? Cedar blushes and slinks away. :O) Anyway, that is where I think the grandmother is coming from. Not so much judging you or difficult child, but reassessing her whole understanding of what the situation is. She probably doesn't want to say anything hurtful, and is so angry and confused herself right now that she has decided to say nothing. I'm sure this hasn't been easy for her, either. I would be so heartbroken, if I were the grandma. Too much pain. Relationship with a grandchild is such a different, special thing. It's all about fun and being loved so specially, for the grandma. This experience has changed her image of herself, and of her grandchild, too. Maybe you could break the ice a little if you got her something nice ~ maybe a little box of candy or something, and told her you understand, and that you know how much she loves difficult child, and that you appreciate that she tried without judging? That would melt my heart, in a minute. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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