She Opened Up More

[susiestar]

Jess and I were talking and she told me some stuff she remembers about my exsil. VERY disturbing stuff. I am glad she is talking about it so she can work with her therapist to start to heal.

the first was that K (exsil) was there one day when Gpa was watching the kids. We hadn't learned at that time that Gpa used to go take a nap in his room (FAR away from the rest of the house) if he was alone with the kids. We stopped him watching them when we learned this, of course. K came in when he was asleep to do something (probably to search for medications as she was aware I was on pain medications after surgery at the time and I found her going through my stuff around this time). SOmething that J did upset her and she lifted a hand to hit J. Wiz saw her and ran in and twisted her hand and badly bruised it. I remember the badly bruised hand and that she said some kid did it. She would NOT have admitted that Wiz caught her doing something she shouldn't because she was playing "good daughter in law" for my parents at the time and my mom was buying into the act.

Anyway, Wiz told her that if she EVER touched J or T in any harmful way for ANY reason he would break her hand and possibly more than that. I am sure he meant it. At the time I knew SOMETHING had happened but never what.

Also at around the time gfgbro married K I knew something had happened between her and Wiz. NOt something he would talk about and I never asked her because nothing she said would be the truth. Apparently he woke up at night from nightmares that she was coming on to him and touching him sexually. he would go to J at night and talk about it and cry. I suspected that she had done this because of picking up enough to wonder on three different occasions. But I never saw enough and Wiz never told me enough to substantiate my suspicions. It truly bothers me that this happened. I knew she hit on husband and on my father one time each. Each let her know that she was TOTALLY out of line and they would NOT tolerate it if it happened with anyone else, but they didn't know about each other. At the time my mom thought husband was lying about it - now she knows better because too many people have come forward with the same story. I also had a VERY strong feeling she sexually abused her older son and he threatened to kill her if she did it to his little brother. He meant it, of that I am totally sure. It was before I knew him and he was not living with her when I found out - neither boy was. So I could do nothing about it. But he told me too much about things she had done other than that for me to not believe him.

I am not sure how to handle this info. I do want to ask Wiz about if K ever came on to him. I won't say that J told me, just that I picked up on something and have wondered for years. J is okay with me talking to all of you, but not to anyone else but her therapist and husband. I know that husband is going to lose it. He was SOOOOOO UPSET AND FURIOUS when she came on to him, and to know it happened to our son at his young age just truly will upset him.

HOw do I best handle this? I won't keep it a secret from husband, though I may wait to talk to the therapist before I say anything.

 

[Hound dog]

Tough one.

Me? I would keep it to myself until I talked with Wiz, IF I talked with Wiz.

Why IF? Because so far he's not felt comfortable in coming to you with the info, and so you must prepare yourself that it might upset him greatly if you go to him with questions.

It might come as a relief to him to have you ask and him be able to talk about it if something did happen. BUT males handle dealing with such things totally differently than females and tend to be far more emotional about it, believe it or not.

So I would weigh how important it is with having the truth come out before you decide to approach him. If it's not going to change anything, help anything, whatever.....I think I'd leave it lie until he chooses (if he ever does) to come to you.

I suspected things between bff's husband and Nichole when she was much younger. I asked repeatedly, carefully put.......but enough to see if she was willing to comment. Made her only more defensive and stubborn about it. So I totally backed off. Once the deep end dive with the same person last spring was over.......I casually mentioned it again. And her reply was such that my suspicion was confirmed but still she doesn't feel comfortable discussing it. I can understand that an accept it. But that was one reason last spring after bff's death.....played out the way it did. Pure manipulation on bff's husband's part the unholy vermin. Someday she may feel more comfortable and want to talk. I'll be here when she is and won't pass judgement. If she never reaches that point? That's ok too. It's not an easy thing to talk about. I know that myself.

hugs

 

[HaoZi]

Could your husband ask him and tell him that he knows she came on to other guys including him and some younger guys as well? Maybe if it's obvious that husband knows she does that and that it's not just him he'll open up.

I do have to say I'm proud that he protected Jess, esp after everything that came before that.

 

[susiestar]

Good things to think about. I am not expecting him to open up really. More I want him to know that if he ever does want to talk about it that I will listen and pass NO judgment on him and it can't make me dislike her any more than I already do. because I don't think much could. I also want him to know that if he does choose to open up then I will NOT ask/expect him to step up and tell the court about this to protect my niece (k's daughter). Right now there is a HUGE custody battle because she accused gfgbro of physical abuse with specifics that he flat out would NOT do. One of the details is that he hits niece on her ears and yanks her around by them. he does put his hands over her ears gently when he needs her attention - gets down to her level and gently makes her face him and look at him in the face, but he is NOT EVER going to hurt her ears. He had WAY too many ear surgeries and a teacher that lifted him out of a chair by his ear the day he returned to school after an operation on that ear - I know it happened because I heard the scream from down the hall, ran out of my classroom and saw him sitting there with this enormous man yelling at him and blood streaming down the side of his face from his ear. He wasn't even allowed to go to the bathroom to clean up - I was the one that called our mom about it from the payphone. I wasn't allowed to use the office phone so I scrounged nickels from my classmates (it was after lunch so I didn't have milk money to use on the phone). That experience alone was enough to never have him touch anyone's ear in a violent way, even if he didn't have surgeries after that and major infections and problems. And he has hearing damage and won't do ANYTHING to risk his child having the hearing loss that he has dealt with since he was in his early 20s.

So I KNOW, for a certainty, that the allegations are false, and would even if niece did not admit to the judge that mommy told her what to say and daddy didn't do those things. But the pressure to "help" gfgbro is pretty fierce from my mom. So is his desire to help my mom with this because she is just so upset with the entire situation - and Wiz is so close to her that he might feel pressured to talk. So regardless of what happened to him I would likely wait until AFTER this is resolved. I do NOT want Wiz to testify because K will bring his past into the picture. As it is he will NOT be alone in a room with niece at ANY time. He actually does all he can to avoid even being in the same room - partly because she is a total jealous brat to him and partly because he wants NO chance of being accused of anything and he KNOWS K will accuse anyone and lie about anything. I do NOT watn him to be put in a situation where she can lie about him.

I AM very proud of him and impressed that he stood up for his sister. It was shortly after he told a boy in her class it was okay to be mean to her and the boy took it WAY overboard and Wiz totally felt responsible for that. Wiz also stopped the boy with threats that were totally believable. At the time of K's threatened abuse of J, Wiz spent a LOT of time out with her and thank you when K was around. I noticed because usually he went outside or to his room if she was there because he despised her - he heard enough from her kids and had good enough instincts to dislike her from early on. So it was a substantial change in his behavior, and also she did a LOT to avoid being around him, which was also a substantial change in her behavior.

These are good things to think about regarding his willingness to open up. Thanks. I really, really, really dislike this woman intensely.