She ran

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by MommaK, Oct 5, 2016.

  1. MommaK

    MommaK Member

    So yesterday my daughter ran away from my inlaws where she moved to a few weeks ago. One of the very kids we were trying to get her away from talked his dad into letting him transfer private schools. He started at my daughters school a few days after she did and she did not tell us. I knew something was up because she was to calm I just didn't know what it was until yesterday. Now she is having charges pressed for being a run away and the kid and his father get charges for aiding and abetting a run away. Part of why we moved her was in the hopes we could get her away from the people here and not end up visiting her in jail. Well neither happened and she goes to juvenile detention today. She does not care what could have happened to her. She seems very unconcerned about the stress and chaos she caused those of us that love her and doesn't care that so many people put so much time and effort into locating her to be sure she was safe.
     
  2. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    I am so sorry. Even when parents try to do everything possible, kids can find a way to mess it up...

    Our own daughter snuck out several times over the last two years to be with her loser boyfriend... The only thing that helped was time, and she finally saw that he wasn't who she thought he was. She didn't have to stay in juvenile detention, but did get court supervision.

    Now ex boyfriend is 18 and he has been in jail multiple times, for domestic violence, criminal damage, and other charges. And, he had been living with an 18yo with two young kids, who the state removed and placed with the dad and his family... So daughter has seen things fall apart.

    I hope the boyfriend and his parents wise up and stop this! Our daughter xBF mom would lie to us. And other "runaway" underage teen girls were found at her home.

    I feel your pain. Wish I had suggestions of what worked...but it seems nothing we did helped, until daughter decided she didn't want him in her life.

    Ksm
     
  3. MommaK

    MommaK Member

    This may be her boyfriend and we don't know, but as far as we know he is not. He is the only kid in her friend group able to drive and apparently, from what we found out yesterday, was a problem child at his previous school. They believed that was why he transferred to my daughters new school. The cops and stuff know him from problems he has caused. The cops apparently know all of my daughters friends because of the crap they get into.
     
  4. mof

    mof Momdidntsignupforthis

    So sorry...I am always floored by the stupidity of these other parents....let's just keep transferring our troubled kid from private school to private school.

    Apparently...they are just waiting for the state to raise him...in prison.

    Your daughter seems very immature..maybe she can get in a program away from all she knows, praying she grows.

    Hugs..stress and chaos we all know.
     
  5. ksm

    ksm Well-Known Member

    Ugg... I keep the police bulletin up on my iPad screen...it is amazing how much I learn...who went to jail,who broke probation, and who got caught with drugs or
    paraphanalia...

    When do you learn her legal consequences?

    Ksm
     
  6. MommaK

    MommaK Member

    Not sure when we will know those.
     
  7. RN0441

    RN0441 100% better than I was but not at 100% yet

    Sorry to hear MommaK

    When our children are out of control and we do everything we can to help guide them and they screw up anyway it's heartbreaking.

    She will suffer the consequences of her actions and she should. That is the only way she will learn.

    How odd that the parents let him go to that school too. Ugh.

    Let us know what happens. Stay strong.
     
  8. MommaK

    MommaK Member

    It's just him and his dad. His mom passed away a little over a year ago. The dad is older and rather clueless to what his son is actually doing, or maybe is in denial. I do not believe it to just be coincidence that the kid transferred to a school 45 minutes from his home when there are other private schools much closer as well as really good public schools.
     
  9. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I think I understand other parents and what they do, even if we disagree. They are tired, some are old and/or sick, some have other kids who they need to focus on. I get it. A difficult child ages us and upsets the others at home and some just wait until their Difficult Child turns 18 and then says get out.

    I am not sure that this approach doesn't work as well as those of us who try and try. Maybe trying too hard makes them think we will be their rescue forever. I can't judge. One of my kids turned it all around. The other is somebody I would not even want to know if he were not my son. He is nearly 40 and is not going to change and I tried everything. At this point, he doesn't think there is anything wrong with him and I give up, although I would not tell him so. He is my kid most likely to take his own life, but I can't do anymore. He won't accept ideas like getting help...that makes him swear at me and hang up. Yes, he us almost 40 and NOT on drugs. That is just him being himself.

    Mamma K, I hope everything turns out. Your daughter is still so young.
     
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    Last edited: Oct 7, 2016
  10. kathie

    kathie New Member

    So sorry to hear this. Well, some kids are always problem creators..
     
  11. mcdonna

    mcdonna Active Member

    Sorry to hear about this, MommaK. Our daughter was a 'runner' - always running to the next place, boy, girl or thing. Started this at about age 10. She would run away from school or climb out her 2nd story bedroom window if she had to. I think the police had a permanent photo on file. Technically, she is still running 15 years later. Running away from having to work and be responsible. I don't think she ever understood how worried we were when she ran. One time she ran away with a boy, got 30 miles away from home and broke into a travel trailer on a farmer's property. They were going to live there together. She had no fear of consequences...and still doesn't.

    I'm sorry that your plans to relocate her didn't work. For some of these kids, I think it is just geography. The same stuff will happen no matter where they are.

    I hope that your daughter can turn things around.

    Sending hugs to you.
     
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