My difficult child is now in a therapuetic home and attends a DBT day treatment program. This is a very specific skills based therapy which has been recommended and we hoped she would get.In addition we get DBT coaching training so we can support her. After 18 months of Residential Treatment Facility (RTF), years of counseling, etc. she is being very resistant. She says she already knows this stuff and that it is therapy for "retards". If she knows this stuff it is interesting how she has not used it. She was ok coming home on weekends until last weekend and we saw the same oppositional behaviors and rudeness. She says we should be proud of her because she has not run (something she did every weekend after she got out of Residential Treatment Facility (RTF) and why she is now where she is) and that she doesn't need therapy. She told me she isn't going to stop being who she is. Last week we found out that her 23 year old, possible gang member "boy friend", had written her a letter from jail. He is there for domestic violence and we think maybe because we turned him in for statutory rape.( A real winner) She told us she is going to be who she is and that she was always going to love him and talk to him. The agency told her she was not to contact him and that they would issue a no contact order if she did. (They need to anyway- I know she will sneak and mail letters some way). If she isnt compliant, she'll end up in detention or in more restricted environment- not necessarily therapuetic. I know she must understand this but am I aweful for not wanting to remind her? We have 2 more years to try to get this under control and then she is on her own to self destruct. I feel like she may have to hit the bottom of the bottoms (can't figure how she can go lower than she has), to finially admit that she is not alright in her thinking and she does not possess or know the skills she needs to be stable let alone happy! We prayed for this program and pushed for it and now she is saboutaging. I read the posts here and I wonder if there is hope with such an oppositional troubled kid. Is it ok for me to let my 16 year old sink the last real hope she has for treatment? Will she even be scared by detention, she seems to glorify the whole jail thing? Im scared to death again. The one good thing is she is clean- they test for that.