B
bran155
Guest
Hey all. I am sorry I haven't been on the computer in a few days. I hope everyone is doing well.
My daughter called me last night. I asked her why the change of heart about turning herself in. And why the last few phone calls we have gotten from her have been so nasty. She said she is angry because she misses me and can't see me. I told her there was an easy solution to that. Come home and do the right thing. Then she dropped the bombshell!!! She said "I can't come home mom, I am not turning myself in either, I am not in NY anymore". What???!!! I said "Where on earth are you then?". She says "California". I almost dropped the phone. California!!! Is she nuts??? After the initial shock I was able to compose myself quickly and not fall into her drama. I stayed calm and asked her a few questions. She said she is with her "peoples" who are trying to get into the music industry. She said she is dancing and rapping in shows. I automatically think the dancing involves a pole and ask her if she dances with her clothes on. She said, angrily, "EEEW, of course with my clothes on mom". Then another girl in the back round said "We aren't porn stars, don't worry". I asked her if she was safe and with people who were kind to her. She said yes. The people she was with were making noise and she said loudly "Shut the f**k up, I'm on the phone". That made me feel a little better as she is obviously not intimidated by them. I was always afraid that she was with people who would force her into horrible things. She is not easily intimidated on any level. At least I know whatever she is doing, she is doing of her own free will. The phone call ended nicely. We said our I love you's and we hung up.
I am not so sure I believe that she is actually in California. Not that I don't thinks she would go, I totally think she would. But I have a feeling she said that so that I won't keep mentioning turning herself in. I don't know. I just keep reminding myself that no matter where she is or what she is doing there is simply nothing I can do about it. I have an uneasy feeling now. I am so scared for her. But I am still pressing on. I am not letting those feelings take over my life again. In fact I am doing really well personally. I have lost 15 pounds so far, I have been taking care of me now, really focusing on making myself happy. My husband and I are doing great!! We have been going on dates and having lots of fun together. Our bed has even been getting a lot more action lately! LOL I think he is a bit jealous now that I am starting to look good again. I have been getting lots of attention and I love it!!! My sister and I are going into the city in 2 weekends to a bar/club. I bought a new outfit and boots to wear and my husband is a bit taken back by this new me. He told me that he is a little jealous that I am going out. He is not used to this. Me sitting home on the couch in my sweats, hair in a bun, no make up and no desire to do anything fun is what he is comfortable with. With me that way, there is no threat. But now, I think he feels a little threatened by my new found zest for life. It feels really good. A girl needs that jealousy from her man once in a while, right?
Anyway, that's my update. I will keep you all posted. Thanks for listening.
Shawna
My daughter called me last night. I asked her why the change of heart about turning herself in. And why the last few phone calls we have gotten from her have been so nasty. She said she is angry because she misses me and can't see me. I told her there was an easy solution to that. Come home and do the right thing. Then she dropped the bombshell!!! She said "I can't come home mom, I am not turning myself in either, I am not in NY anymore". What???!!! I said "Where on earth are you then?". She says "California". I almost dropped the phone. California!!! Is she nuts??? After the initial shock I was able to compose myself quickly and not fall into her drama. I stayed calm and asked her a few questions. She said she is with her "peoples" who are trying to get into the music industry. She said she is dancing and rapping in shows. I automatically think the dancing involves a pole and ask her if she dances with her clothes on. She said, angrily, "EEEW, of course with my clothes on mom". Then another girl in the back round said "We aren't porn stars, don't worry". I asked her if she was safe and with people who were kind to her. She said yes. The people she was with were making noise and she said loudly "Shut the f**k up, I'm on the phone". That made me feel a little better as she is obviously not intimidated by them. I was always afraid that she was with people who would force her into horrible things. She is not easily intimidated on any level. At least I know whatever she is doing, she is doing of her own free will. The phone call ended nicely. We said our I love you's and we hung up.
I am not so sure I believe that she is actually in California. Not that I don't thinks she would go, I totally think she would. But I have a feeling she said that so that I won't keep mentioning turning herself in. I don't know. I just keep reminding myself that no matter where she is or what she is doing there is simply nothing I can do about it. I have an uneasy feeling now. I am so scared for her. But I am still pressing on. I am not letting those feelings take over my life again. In fact I am doing really well personally. I have lost 15 pounds so far, I have been taking care of me now, really focusing on making myself happy. My husband and I are doing great!! We have been going on dates and having lots of fun together. Our bed has even been getting a lot more action lately! LOL I think he is a bit jealous now that I am starting to look good again. I have been getting lots of attention and I love it!!! My sister and I are going into the city in 2 weekends to a bar/club. I bought a new outfit and boots to wear and my husband is a bit taken back by this new me. He told me that he is a little jealous that I am going out. He is not used to this. Me sitting home on the couch in my sweats, hair in a bun, no make up and no desire to do anything fun is what he is comfortable with. With me that way, there is no threat. But now, I think he feels a little threatened by my new found zest for life. It feels really good. A girl needs that jealousy from her man once in a while, right?
Anyway, that's my update. I will keep you all posted. Thanks for listening.
Shawna
I admire you for your strength and positive steps you have taken!
Not something I was thrilled to hear and think about but, hey, my brother meant well. He had given examples of other teens in our family, who had made it through some rough stuff and come out on top. It's that period of going through all this (hanging in there and praying that there will be a safe and good outcome) that is hard and, frankly, I am not always up to it. 
