She wants to go into treatment

Discussion in 'Substance Abuse' started by Nancy, Mar 24, 2011.

  1. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    difficult child texted me saying she screwed up and destroyed everything good in her life and she needed our stability in her life. She said she hit bottom and couldn't live like this anymore and wants us back in her life and wanted to come home. I told her I wish I could believe her but I couldn't because the drugs and alcohol were more important. She said she wouldn't believe her if she was me either but that she hated her life and wanted to get it straightened out.

    I told her that her Dad and I worried and cried ourselves sick since she left but that we were learning how to live without her in our lives and we finally had peace in our home and I couldn't and wouldn't give that up now. I told her that I didn't think she hit bottom yet and when she did she should check herself into a detox center and then figure out how to get ongoing treatment and then we would talk. She called the rehab center she was in this summer and they told her she needed to pay $10,000 upon admission. I told her we had no more money for treatment. She called a few other places and found a detox center that may let her come for detox. Then she called the sober home that she was referred to after outpatient treatment failed. She has an appointment there next Tuesday morning, although they said if she can go into detox they would pick her up from there and take her to the sober home upon release. She claims the sober home costs $400 a month and after the third month they can get a job and pay for their stay. I told her we could probably help with the $400 until then.

    So she is waiting for a call tomorrow to let her know if they will take her in detox. I don't have a lot of hope because of our high deductible unless they can convince the insurance co it is an emergency admittance.

    Please send good thoughts that this works out. She asked if she could possible come home after she got a good stable sober life behind her and I said we would talk then.

    I am trying not to get my hopes up too high because anything can happen, it's the weekend coming up you know. I hope she has hit bottom. I know she is miserable but is she miserable enough to do the hard work it will take to recover is the question.

    She asked if she could come home tonight and wait until she gets admitted. I told her no, we will wait to see what they say when they call. No way do I want her here and they say no and then we have her back.

  2. slsh

    slsh member since 1999


    I am keeping my fingers crossed that she really means it and will stay on this path. I understand your caution - follow-through is not our kids' strong point. They come up with- plans really well, but their implementation leaves a lot to be desired. And knowing if she's really hit her personal rock bottom - who knows? Some kids seem to have an amazing tolerance for a really horrendous quality of life. I truly hope with- all my heart that she will be able to work a program and stick with it permanently.

    How are you? I'm thinking it must've been hard to say "no", even though it really is the only answer right now.

    Many gentle hugs and positive thoughts coming your way.
  3. Nancy

    Nancy Well-Known Member Staff Member

    OMG Sue it was sooo hard to say no. She said some things that broke my heart and I wanted so badly to believe her. I have waited for a long time to hear her say that she now realizes all we have done for her was to protect her and keep her safe and that she misses us so much and wants to be back in our lives. She claims she has never been so miserable in all her life and doesn't want to live like this. But I can't afford to set myself up for another fall. I know this is her fight and I can't do it for her. Also selfishly I don't want to go back to the chaos, I am beginning to enjoy life with easy child and husband.

  4. toughlovin

    toughlovin Guest

    I think this is really good news. Even if she doesn't follow through this time she is getting there. I am so impressed and proud of you for standing your ground. She will get there faster if you don't give her a way out of her current misery. I hope she can get into detox tomorrow. I will be thinking of you.
  5. PatriotsGirl

    PatriotsGirl Guest

    Nancy, words cannot begin to describe how proud of you I am!!!!!!!!! You rock sister!!!!!!!!! Good for you :D
  6. exhausted

    exhausted Active Member

    This is good news. I hope they will take her to detox. I'm sure she really does miss you and stability- I don't think that can be a lie. The trouble with addiction is that it is so powerful and controlling. I don't think it is selfish to not want her home. She has to get help and follow through to be a functioning member-your functioning family must go on and live your lives. How hard it must be to stay so firm, but this comes from a place of love. Wishing you well and praying.
  7. tawnya

    tawnya New Member

    ((HUGS)) Nancy.
  8. DDD

    DDD Well-Known Member

    Just realized I hadn't posted. I guess work interupted me and I thought I had done it. Just want you to know that you are totally on target and that I, too, hope and pray that she is ready to take the steps necessary to help herself. As always you all are in my thoughts and prayers. DDD
  9. busywend

    busywend Well-Known Member Staff Member

    Good job! It is all on her now to make her life whatever she wants it to be. It is your job to teach her that nobody should ever take advantage of her - you teach her that by not letting her take advantage of you.

    She is entirely capable of getting herself into rehab - you have taught her many times how to do that. She has the resources she needs, so let her use them. Let her be proud of herself for doing it herself this time. I think that can go a long way to staying sober - the actual process of getting herself what she needs. If she is successful, she has that power forever.