She wasn't ready to talk

Discussion in 'General Parenting' started by branbran, May 26, 2007.

  1. branbran

    branbran New Member

    Hello all. First I want to say that I read every response to both my posts regarding my visit with my daughter. I thank all of you from the bottom of my heart for all of the support and prayers given. The words "Thank you" just do not express how much gratitude I hold for you. The fact that you were willing to share your very personal experiences on this site just to help me cope, touches my heart a great deal. It means so much to me.

    On to my visit. She wasn't ready to talk about it. I didn't mention it at all and neither did she. Her therapist made a special trip to the school today to support both of us. She is absolutely amazing. She should be the example to all therapists!!! Anyway, as we were pulling up to the school my sister had to pull the car over because as soon as I saw the driveway I lost it!! I had a panic attack, couldn't catch my breath, my entire body shook and I thought I was gonna be sick. My sister, my hero, calmed me down and told me to pull it together, my daughter needed me. I was able to get back into control after just a few minutes. When we got there my daughter was very angry. Clearly manic. For the first half hour or so, she was ranting and raving and cursing up a storm. She calmed down after her therapist arrived, then we went on to have a pretty good visit. We had lunch, well they had lunch. I was too nervous to eat. I was just waiting for her to drop the bomb. She never did. I know that she needs to talk to me about it, but listening to you all, I knew not to push the issue. I will be ready for her when she is ready. I did have many concerns regarding her medications. She is only on concerta, lexapro and geodon. Nothing as far as a mood stabilizer. She has been on almost all of them in the past. We haven't mastered that piece of the puzzle yet. The dr. seems to think she is not bipolar just conduct disorder. No way!!! She went from raging to smiles in a split second. It was so evident. I told her therapist I want her on new medications immediately. It is not fair to her to leave in her in this state. How can they expect her to function. She wants to come home on a weekend vist, but they wont let her because she is not stable. DUH!!! Not without her medications she's not. So she will be seeing the dr. on Tuesday. I think she needs to get off the concerta as it only aggitates her. She likes the concerta because it keeps the weight off and helps her to stay focused, but it makes her miserable. I have seen alot of you say the same thing about concerta. Forget the ADHD, I think stabilizing the bipolar is more important. We left the visit on a good note. I'm so glad for that, I hate leaving her when she is sad and crying. She gave me a flower that she planted for me in a beautiful flower pot that she painted sunflowers on. She knows that's my favorite flower. We brought her new clothes and sneakers and of course that perked her mood right up!!! So all's well that ends well. (for now)

    The whole time I was thinking of all of you. Thinking about all of the advice and support you have given me. I couldn't wait to get home and tell all of you how the visit was. This site has really made a difference in my life.

    So when she is ready I will be a mess, but I will be strong for her. Like you said, this has happened to her not me and she needs me. Hearing from those of you that share in this horror, I now know better what to say and what not to say. Thank you for that. I will keep you posted.

    Wishing you all a restfull night and a sunny tomorrow. God bless. :smile:
     
  2. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    branbran

    I'm not trying to poo poo the ADHD diagnosis, but a major problem with BiPolar (BP) is difficultly concentrating, most especially in mania. Actually it can go both ways with the hyper focus on one thing too. I do both as does N. You might want to keep that in mind. N is unable to be stable without a mood stabilizer.

    I'm glad the visit went well despite difficult child's mood when you arrived. The thought of telling you might have helped set it off. I think you handled it very well. You were couragious today. I'm proud of you. :warrior: I'm also proud of difficult child for pulling it together. I know what a hard time N has doing that.

    When difficult child is ready I think you're going to do a great job. It's okay to cry, and Lord knows I had more than my fair share of panic attacks. Courage is facing your fears and doing what needs to be done anyway. You did that today. Because of that difficult child saw that when she's ready you'll be there to listen.

    (((hugs)))
     
  3. Big Bad Kitty

    Big Bad Kitty lolcat

    Branbran

    Consider today a dress rehearsal!

    I think you did marvelous. Your sister sounds like a wonderful person. So does the therapist. How fortunate to have that kind of support in your corner.

    Seems to me that your difficult child was a real trooper today. You should be proud of her, AND yourself. I agree with Lisa; you will be ready when the time comes.

    You said you thought about us when you were there. Well, I thought about you and difficult child all day. We become like family real quick here. So glad you had a nice visit.

    Relax. Renew. Replenish. Then talk to the docs about her medications.

    :flower:
     
  4. timer lady

    timer lady Queen of Hearts

    You know, she may never be ready to talk with you. difficult child may need an objective outsider for this situation & that would be okay.

    She's still your daughter & you're still mum. I know that kt & wm have shared things with the therapist & not with me. It's too intense & personal for them to share with mom or dad.

    I hope this doesn't upset you - but we've lived the trauma situation for a lot of years here.

    Be there to love difficult child; assure her you love her & this assault changes nothing in your love for her. In the end, while it may be traumatizing - she is still herself & deep inside there is a survivor.

    Take care of yourself.
     
  5. SomewhereOutThere

    SomewhereOutThere Well-Known Member

    I agree that you can't concentrate with bipolar either. I have it and most likely had it as a kid. Not only can't you concentrate, but you are so hyper you can't sit still. Yet I was given Ritalin to see if it calmed me down and it not only made me worse, but when I crashed, it was into a black depression because of my mood disorder. I didn't take it for long. I didn't like the depression it caused and the moodswings. I agree that it's best to treat the bipolar first. Using stims for weight control is, in my opinion, not what it's for and isn't a good thing--some kids DO abuse stimulants to keep their weight down! As for focusing, stims will make even non-ADHD kid focus. They are taken in colleges for studying. If your daughter has bipolar, stims are probably not good for her and anti-depressants PLUS stims...wow. I'm surprised she has any control at all.
     
  6. Hound dog

    Hound dog Nana's are Beautiful

    I agree that difficult child may never actually feel comfortable filling you in on any details.

    My Mom knows I was sexually abused as a kid. She knows about the rape at 18. She has no clue of the details and I have no desire to give them to her. I worked mine out with my therapist. (I had a wonderful one) It was enough that she knew and supported me.

    Hugs
     
  7. Steely

    Steely Active Member

    Glad your visit went well overall....We certainly were thinking of you and hoping for the best. I know how hard it is to see our kids not properly medicated. That is the one thing that drives me over the top when my son has been inpatient....to obviously see him in angst because of improper medication. However, we have to remember that the docs will eventually get our kids to where they need to be......sometimes it just takes longer than we mothers can seem to bear. Umph! It is so hard, but it sounds like she is in really good care, so take some deep breaths, and try to find some peace in at least knowing she is safe.

    Take care-
     
Loading...